Aug 08, 2005 11:09
I Apoloize for any typos. My hands hate me today.
On Saturday I had to go to a wedding of a few semi aquaintances. I barely know them, but I went because there were a lot of other people there that I hadn't seen in a while, and my sister was the caterer. I wore my suit, which I hadn't put on in a while, and it was fun to go around in. At WalMart before the wedding the Cashier girl kept flirting. In Terrell, if they think you have any money at all, then you can snag 'em easy, but ... Why would ya want to?
Anyway, the wedding was boring, because they were at a Baptist church, so there was nothing stronger than Lemonade and there was no dancing at all. After it was over I wnated to go into Dallas, but everybody started to cop out on me by saying they were tired, which I'm sure they were, but, damn it people, it's Saturday Night.
So... I went back into Terrell to hunt down a running mate, and finally found one in my old buddy Michael (who's a little special, but he can still be fun) . He was coming out of Gamestop, and I swerved into the parking lot, and rolled down the window.
"Get in!," I said.
He shrugged and hopped in the passenger side, and said ,"Where we going, man."
Me: " What makes you think we're going somewhere?"
Him: "You look like James Bond, and I have a pocket full of hundreds, so I just figured Fate had decided to throw a little excitement my way."
Me: "Well, you ever been to Dick's?"
Him: "Not yet."
Me: "Not yet is right.."
Then we peeled back out onto the highway and took off towards Big D. We arrived at Dick's Last Resort, Valet Parked the car, and walked into tone of the biggest continual parties in Dallas. There were like five Bachelorette parties going on, and as soon as we stepped in , some random chick fell off of a chair, and I caught her. She said ,"My hero!" and passed out. I propped her back into a chair in the corner since noone was claiming her, and we were given a tabel up close by the band.
Tiny and the Kingpins- Awesome band. They all knew my cousin Jimmy, and most of tehm ahd played with him at some point, so we had a good reparte with 'em. We ordered buckets of Dragon Fries and a few 32 oz. Budweisers. We kept getting up and dancing with random girls since the ratio was like 10:1. I made a sign that said "I need a lapdance" and taped it to Mike's back. He didn;t know, so when these girls threw him down on a chair and stripped to their bras he was completley dumbfounded. So Funny! I wound up getting proposed to by a 32 year old woman who wanted to "confirm my youthful virility" but some other girl made her leave.
There was a deepthroat contest goign on on one table, and two girls with "Suck for a Buck" T-shirts where you give them a dollar and bite a lifesaver off their shirt. I gave one three dollars, and went for the ones around her neck. When I was coming back up from the second one, she kissed me, and we got mad efun of over the loudspeaker. Several 32 oz beers later, we were making out at the table while her friends threw napkin balls at us and sprinkled us with confetti. When her firends finally told her to atch her breath and "come home" she asked for my number, and I gave it to her. I don;t expect a call though. They were pretty drunk, and I think that just maybe she was actually a Bachelorette, so, uh, yeah.
Anyway, Me and Mike went back into the West End at about 11:45 and we walked around downtown Dallas, where me and some homeless guy danced in front of a crowd to Robert Palmer songs, since he said I looked like Robert Palmer, and he had a boombox with Palmer on it. I guess in the suit, maybe I did.
Eventually we went down the highway to Babydolls, becaus eon a Saturdya night, you cna see all the rich people and celebs in there, and there were a few of the local news anchors, and one very drunk guy who kept telling everybody he was on the Rangers and throwing twenties into the air. I caught like four hundred bucks. I spent half of it in the club, but it was all cool. Once you're on a "Crazy Millionaire" roll, it's hard to stop. Micheal kept falling for whatever line the strippers were whispering in his ear, and I had to save him form himself many many times. When Babydolls finally closed it was liek four in teh morning, so we headed out to Frisco with soem guy we met. e was in a limo, and we followed him to his house, where he already ahd a huge party going on.
There was a big sushi bar in his huge ass house, and people were doing coke and stuff, and we were just two posers pretending we weren't. (I didn't do coke though. Did once in South Carolina. Never EVER again.) Mike wound up getting thrown into this guys pool by some chick, so I picked her up and dumped her in along with him. I avoided getting pushe din several times, becasue I did not want to clorinate my suit, which by this time I was sure had "magical party properties".
Then....uh, then it was like noon, and I was asleep in this guys back yard on a lounge chair, and my cheeks were already sunburned, and I found micheal in his underwear on the diving board, and I woke him up and we made our way through the party zombies scattered around, and got to the car, driving back home for a very sleepy sunday.
Once again, I have set my personal party bar pretty high and I must now find a way to top it. And buy more suits. I love the vibes you get. People invite you into their groups, and no one treats you like crap at all. We got excellent service everywhere we went. Even at Babydolls, where there were true millionaires, I was dressed the part and got superb attentive waitresses. I need to go shopping.
Well, that was my big story for the week. Just wait until Europe.