Omg guys I'm writing fanfic again
To Helheim....And Back: An Avengers/Criminal Minds crossover. Prologue, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2.
A/N: I am not extremely familiar with Avengers comic book canon (I’m more of a DC girl, but I’m slowly switching over to the Marvel side), so I apologize for any canonical inconsistencies. And blame them on Loki.
Prologue (Avenger perspective):
To say Nick Fury was displeased with their current situation would be an understatement. He knew he would eventually have to field interference from other departments, but he didn’t think he’d have to risk his entire operation going under by the hands of a bunch of spooky shrinks.
But the order had come down from one of the few chiefs of staff higher up than himself, and now he was desperately praying to all the gods he knew (except for Loki) that his team could fake emotional stability for just a few hours.
Even Coulson wouldn’t be above the scrutiny of the arriving profilers, something that Fury privately found amusing. He almost hoped they took the man first in line for their little psych eval, if only to lull them into a false sense of security. Coulson shook his head and smiled at this little observation.
Fury wished the rest of the Avengers had acted so calmly. Captain Rogers, of course, had acted with the aplomb expected of him. He had had to undergo similar evaluation upon entering the Super Soldier Program so many years ago. While he had been uncomfortable with it then, and was obviously uncomfortable with it now, at least he wasn’t raising the pure holy hell that Stark and Barton were now.
“I can’t believe we have to talk to a bunch of serial killer therapists!” Tony complained. He hadn’t had any idea of what the BAU was before they were told they had to do a psych eval with them, but when Tony found out their normal purpose he was flat-out insulted. It would be bad enough having to talk to normal psychologists, but they had to talk to ones that dealt with the worst type of villains.
Fury glared at Tony. “It’s not my fault none of the other government head shrinkers weren’t brave enough to take on the job.”
“They shrink heads?” Loki asked from the corner, a lilt of curious delight to his voice. Fury pinched the bridge of his nose, regretting the day he gave up on trying to get Loki off the Avengers.
Thor lent down towards his brother, whispering in the loud tones that only Thor could muster. “I believe it to be another Midgardian figure of speech, brother.” Loki’s shoulders slumped in disappointment.
Coulson shook his head surreptitiously at Fury, warning him not to play along. The other Avengers had explained full well what a psychological evaluation was, and while Thor might not entirely grasp the concept; Loki was just being an ass. Much like Stark and-surprisingly-Barton, who was sulking in the corner like a child with Banner. To be fair, Fury couldn’t exactly tell when Banner was sulking or just being apathetic, but he was fairly sure the good doctor was going into full-on pout mode. Natasha just looked angry. More so than usual.
And the knock that just sounded on the door of the SHIELD meeting room did nothing to assuage her angry expression.
(BAU perspective)
While Aaron Hotchner had never been one to bow to departmental pressure, the combination of no other BAU team wanting to go and the begging looks of Reid and Morgan (who were, respectively fascinated by the opportunity and were refusing to admit childhood idolization of Captain America) had led them to being flown to New York City to meet up with-God help them-America’s first superhero team.
JJ had largely been in charge of setting up this meeting-through a man named Agent Coulson (whom they would also be analyzing). Garcia was tagging along to record the interviews, and as they reached the door, she was gossiping to Prentiss about the attractiveness of the various Avengers.
The man who must have been Agent Coulson opened the door. And guided them in. He seemed like a normal fellow to Hotch, which is more than he could say for the rest of the cast of characters in the room. The woman in leather instance whom Rossi and Morgan seemed to analyze a little too long. Or the guy in leather who’d captured Prentiss and Garcia’s attention. Reid was, predictably giving his own slightly unsettling look (well, most people found it unsettling; Garcia and Morgan thought it made him look like a confused Cocker Spaniel, even more so after his hair grew out) to the two large men dressed in….was that Norse battle armor?
Hotch was beginning to regret his decision.
CHAPTER 1
Loki scrutinized the group of mortal who were to be judging them; their “fitness” to work as a team or whatever such nonsense. He personally thought it was a fool’s errand, though he kept such ideations to himself. Manipulating Earth’s finest minds would be a fun little afternoon challenge though.
The de facto leader of the group-an incredibly serious looking black-haired man-reminded him such an incredible amount of Coulson that he was tempted to ask if they were related. He imagined he would get a stern looking at, and Fury would undoubtedly write a blistering memo.
The two gentlemen flanking him were obviously just as seasoned “g-men” (as Stark insisted on calling FBI agents) as their leader. The older one with the beard looked decidedly unimpressed with all of them (reminding him all the world of one Nicholas Fury) while the large build, Black man kept surreptitiously throwing worshipful looks at Captain America. Typical, Loki thought; a muscle-bound agent of the American government idolizing the symbol of all that was supposedly good in the country. The women, he noted with amusement, were looking particularly impressed with some of the men in the room; the lovely curvy blonde one was not even bothering to hide her overly pleased gazing at Thor.
The tall one in the back (as tall as him and almost as tall as Thor) was a curious sight. He hoped that after seeing him, Thor wouldn’t make such snide comments about his own lithe frame. Even he probably had at least 50 pounds on the young mortal. He did have a curious look about him though. Something oddly familiar, not in looks but in bearing, which Loki couldn’t place. He assumed it to be unimportant.
Agent Coulson had turned back to address the Avengers team.
“While all of us, saving Director Fury who has already undergone multiple evaluations of his own, will be meeting with one of the agents here for discussion and testing, some of us-“ he glanced at Loki, Thor, and Stark, “-will be meeting one on one for the entire time with a single agent. “I’m going to pair you all up now, and some of us will be doubling up.”
Loki internally sulked a bit that he wouldn’t be able to twist his words and the minds of these others agents. Not necessarily in an evil way-no he’d officially given that up-at least towards the people of Midgard. But in a fun way. A confusing way. No harm done in the long run.
“Agent Jareau, here,” he ushered the more conventional looking blonde woman forward, “will be delegating who we’ll be paired up with for these meetings. If you would, Agent Jareau?”
She jumped right into the fray, sensing that this group wasn’t one for idle talk. “Agent Coulson and Mr. Barton…?” she nodded when she heard Clint’s unhappy grunt. “You will be having meetings with Agent Prentiss.” Agent Jareau nodded towards the dark-haired woman. “Doctor Banner and Agent Romanov will be with Agent Morgan.”
Loki was silently amused at the large man’s barely visible disappointment of not being chosen to talk with his obvious idol.
“Captain Rogers and Mister Odinson will be with Agent Hotchner.”
Loki rolled his eyes at the enthusiastic hail his brother gave the serious man. Steve (one of the few team members Loki could stomach being on a first name basis with, as being mean to him was at the same level of evil as drowning kittens and even Loki was never that far gone) merely nodded respectfully, which was returned by the agent.
“Due to certain…issues that have come to the attention of SHIELD and the superior organizations thereof, it’s been decided that both Mister Stark and Mister…Loki,” she stumbled over his name disbelievingly, ”will have one on one evaluations for a full, rather than a half, session. Mister Stark will be paired up with Agent Rossi.” The older agent with a beard strode forward boldly and held a hand out to Tony Stark. Iron Man stared dumbly at it for a moment, at which point he gave Nick Fury a look, which was obviously translated to “you’re kidding me?” He turned back to the Italian agent.
“Look, I don’t know what ‘problems’ they’ve been telling you about but I am a perfectly stable individual.”
“So that drunken fall in the Bellagio fountain system four weeks ago was just a publicity stunt, huh?” the agent fired back, and Loki felt a wicked grin spread over his face. He liked this fellow.
Agent Jareau soldiered on. “Mister Loki, you’ll be with Doctor Reid,” she indicated the tall young man behind her.
Thor immediately interjected with a slightly derisive laugh, obviously thinking this Dr. Reid even less impressive a man than he thought Loki himself. Loki observed all of the agents bristle slightly at it, particularly Agent Morgan. (A protective bond then? Perhaps a surrogate younger brother.)Except, oddly enough, the young agent it was directed towards didn’t bristle or seem to pay it much a mind. He merely tilted his head at Thor as if he were looking at an irritating yet particularly fascinating specimen.
Well, at least that would give him a chance to learn why he found the strange gentleman so oddly familiar.
CHAPTER 2
a/n: While I intend to do at least a chapter per session, Tony and Loki will prolly have the longest chapters as I feel they are the most troubled and in need of counseling.
I also think it should be clear that I have no idea what procedures are followed in the actual versions of these interviews. This is sort of a filler chapter as well.
Session 1:
Subject: Special Agent Phillip Coulson
Profiler: Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss
Loki wasn’t the only one who noticed the similarities between Agent Coulson and Agent Hotchner. It would have made Emily feel more at ease, had she she not personally known the darkness Hotch hid behind his own cool professional façade. She hoped for the sake of him and his team that he didn’t have those same disturbing depths, or at least could hold them together with the quiet dignity Hotch managed.
Agent Coulson was meanwhile regarding Agent Prentiss with a respectful detachment. He’d read whatever he could get his hands on about the BAU team when he’d heard about the evals. They all seemed like brave, intelligent men and women, which was something more to respect than his own team members.
Agent Prentiss laid out his files on the table.
“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable with this evaluation. It isn’t to determine if you’re fit for field or agent work, but to see how you and the others might interact as a team. You have personally already cleared the individual evaluations.”
Coulson nodded. “I understand the necessity of these interviews, Agent Prentiss. No need to worry about offense. I’m more worried for my team than I am for myself,” he added with a self-deprecating grin. Agent Prentiss gave him a thin but genuine smile.
“Could you start by telling me a bit about your teammates? How you all interact with each other, how your personalities flow?”
Coulson leaned back in his chair and began.
An hour and a half later, Emily Prentiss sat in semi-stunned silence. Not completely stunned, though. She had a suspicion that the egos involved in any team like the Avengers Initiative would be…clashing to the say the least. She had no idea how much though.
She had to hand it to Agent Coulson for his abilities to keep the team together as much as he had. The reminders of Hotch were coming on more strongly now than ever. He seemed like a good agent and told him as such.
To be fair, she also thought he had reached a level of super-insanity that had reversed the very polarities of human mental capabilities and had reversed back to seeming dangerously normal instead of obviously suicidally insane.
“Thank you, Agent Prentiss. I hope you have as easy a time with Clint.” He gave her a smile that made her believe that no, she would not have easy time with Clint Barton, and should be prepared ahead of time for this occurrence. She smiled back anyway.
“I hope so too, Agent Coulson.”
Well, at least she wasn’t saddled with Loki. Or, worse. Tony