I am upset like fuck
Ok have you ever just fucked up something so bad that no matter how hard you tried things would never be back to normal. Well i have don this with Jason I have just totally fucked it up well the fucking sad part is I still love him I still care I cant let go and he is just out having a good time with all of theses girls I dont know my mind just runs wild sometimes and i think of the fucking craziest things that probally arent really happening but I am just sure that he doesnt care about me at all well maybe he does I dont know god why cant you ever just get a straight answer from anyone.I just wanna fucking cry in front of him just show him how much he has hurt me and show him how much pain he has caused me but then when I get the chance I freeze up I talk about stuff that doesnt really matter like tattoos or something stupid like that. I dont wanna cry in front of him just because I dont want him to think I am weak I dont wanna show him that I am weak and that he could fucking make me act that upset but god I dont know what to do. I talked to him tonight and got somethings across or so I thought but then I fucking see this damn myspace comment he left on some girls myspace( this girl was flashing all the boys I mean come on EASY maybe I dont know maybe she just likes to show off her boobs) but anyways and his comment to her was when do I get my private session NOW tell me that I am not going to get upset when I see that. What the hell has this boy done to me. I have always been the strong one in relationships the one who always got over it and never felt any pain. But I met Jason and all of my emotions changed I finally fell for someone other than Cory. Jason helped me so much god he got me away from cory I almost stopped smoking( I would have stopped if we were still together) He just fucking changed me so much. I have cried over this boy so much and it just seems like when we talk he says everything I wanna hear not the truth I am just so damn confused. I cant look at our pics we have without crying I cant read old comments or emails without crying I cant fucking listen to Fall Out Boy the same ever again. I took his "V" to fall out boy I am just like so fucking filled with all different kinds of emotions and I just know that if he would talk to me and say the truth not what i wanna hear I would be able to move on maybe I dont know I fucked our relationship up and I know this and I know it is my fault that I am so depressed but shit what else can I do all i can say is I am sorry I cant fucking go back in time because believe me if i could i would I would change so many things. I just love him and there is no other explanation to it. I am in love with someone who doesnt love me god damn what a fucked up world. Why does the world have to work like this why cant you be with the person you care about so much I would do anything for him I would change anything about me that I could just to make him happy. I would do anything for him ANYTHING!!!