My dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be...
Dear Tali,
I've been up all night. Sitting vigil, I suppose, or something.
Like I did this time last year. When I'd just sent you to the
hospital and we thought things would be ok ...
It's a year now, a year since the first stroke, a year since the
day you left home for good, a year since I began to lose you.
I took a long long drive, past places we used to live, places we
used to go. Both of your places in Medford, our twin places in
Malden, my old place in Malden ... I even went by Jodi's old
apartment, remember that place? And a few others, just to go
there.
I wandered around, just driving by all the places we used to go
driving to when we went on our late night drives. Everywhere
except our beach, I don't think I can go there yet. But I still
love to read your sparklie story.
I can't believe its a whole year gone since that day. I guess
I just couldn't sleep tonight, its hard not to remember what this
day was last year. Hard not to think things like if I knew then...
what could I have done different? Hard not to feel sad, guilty.
I still miss you, still think about you all the time. I think
Raithe still misses you sometimes too.
I didn't spend the whole night alone - I went to dinner and a
movie with two of my very best friends - it was nice not to be
alone with my thoughts the whole night. That would have been a
bit depressing. But it was good to see all those places too.
I must have been out driving for 3 or 4 hours. It was good to
keep moving, I think.
Almost time for that annual family vacation, the one you missed,
the one we missed, last year. I'm going this year, maybe the
beach will be cathartic. I plan on doing lots of writing and
working on projects and things ... things to keep thinking I
suppose.
Working on getting the game back together too. And I figured
out what to do with the remnants of Parallel Worlds. I think
you'll be amused ... and Shade and Khy would be pleased.
Dami's doing better. I'm doing ok. I think that's where things
are, I think we're going to be ok. But we still miss you.
Love you, honey.
I've been up all night. Sitting vigil, I suppose, or something.
Like I did this time last year. When I'd just sent you to the
hospital and we thought things would be ok ...
It's a year now, a year since the first stroke, a year since the
day you left home for good, a year since I began to lose you.
I took a long long drive, past places we used to live, places we
used to go. Both of your places in Medford, our twin places in
Malden, my old place in Malden ... I even went by Jodi's old
apartment, remember that place? And a few others, just to go
there.
I wandered around, just driving by all the places we used to go
driving to when we went on our late night drives. Everywhere
except our beach, I don't think I can go there yet. But I still
love to read your sparklie story.
I can't believe its a whole year gone since that day. I guess
I just couldn't sleep tonight, its hard not to remember what this
day was last year. Hard not to think things like if I knew then...
what could I have done different? Hard not to feel sad, guilty.
I still miss you, still think about you all the time. I think
Raithe still misses you sometimes too.
I didn't spend the whole night alone - I went to dinner and a
movie with two of my very best friends - it was nice not to be
alone with my thoughts the whole night. That would have been a
bit depressing. But it was good to see all those places too.
I must have been out driving for 3 or 4 hours. It was good to
keep moving, I think.
Almost time for that annual family vacation, the one you missed,
the one we missed, last year. I'm going this year, maybe the
beach will be cathartic. I plan on doing lots of writing and
working on projects and things ... things to keep thinking I
suppose.
Working on getting the game back together too. And I figured
out what to do with the remnants of Parallel Worlds. I think
you'll be amused ... and Shade and Khy would be pleased.
Dami's doing better. I'm doing ok. I think that's where things
are, I think we're going to be ok. But we still miss you.
Love you, honey.