D o l o r D e A m o r - Chapter 1
D o l o r D e A m o r
C h a p t e r 1
Claire woke up, to see Heidi’s face hovering her own, with frantic eyes. With her help, she slowly sat up, and massaged her head. It hadn’t been hit, but the pain vibrated through her head, as if it had.
“Claire, what happened?”, Heidi let out agitatedly .
In fact, she didn’t know what had happened, she was just as dumbfounded as Heidi was. All that she could really recall, was seeing Peter fall, pass out, and feeling what he had felt at that moment, then blacking out as well.
Perhaps, in another world, another time, with other people, someone else would have freaked out, perhaps they would have been scared by the circumstances surrounding, what was happening to her, but Claire wasn‘t. All she was sure about, was that the pain, and suffering that she’d felt at that precise moment, had not been her own, and though it truly left her at ease for a moment, at the same time, it made her feel worse to know that Peter felt such agony.
What she’d been experiencing those past few weeks, had felt so unnaturally painful, worse than anything she’d felt before in her life. Claire wasn’t a bubbly, happy go lucky person, but she had also never been as depressed as she felt now.
So it made sense, that when she saw Peter, that when she felt his pain, it was him. It came together like a a missing puzzle piece, the way she’d responded the same, to his falling. It made sense how she mirrored his exterior pain, inside.
Across from her, still laying on the floor, was a passed out Peter. Claire shrugged, at Heidi’s question, and made her way to him, watching as Angela tried to shake him awake. It seemed though, that anything Angela did, didn’t work. He laid there, still as death.
When Claire, brought her finger tips, to brush his arm though, he moved. It was only a fraction, but he parted his lips, and sucked air in, filling his lungs once again, with air he desperately needed. She could feel his claustrophobia then, the need for fresh air, and the way his lungs weren’t satisfied with what they had, she felt the same thing.
He opened his eyes, to say something, but she could feel his need, it was the same as hers.
Angela sighed, behind Claire, and took his hand, “You’re clumsiness astounds me, Peter. Only you would trip over a toy.”
As much as it pained him, he tried to give half a smile, before swallowing, and looking down at the floor, while trying to stand up. Claire saw the difficulty, she felt it, but took his arms anyway, as she tried to steady the both of them.
“Do you want to go outside?” she whispered, only to him, though both Angela and Heidi could hear.
His curt nod, and eyes closing said it all. Before Heidi, and Angela could say anything else, and interrupt with questions, she led him outside.
The air was crisp, cold, and moist from the rain earlier in the day. It was perfect, for what they both needed, it felt numbing to the pain Peter projected to her. Because that’s what it was, the pain, everything she’d felt, it all belonged to him.
As to, how she could ask him, Claire wasn’t sure. But what she did know, was that if she brought up the pain, and Nathan, he would double over again, and then the ache, the sting would lead straight to her. She’d feel the thundering agony in her chest again.
“Who’s power do you have?” she asked tenderly, trying to sound as comforting as possible.
Peter eyed her suspiciously, and sucked another big amount of air in, trying to maintain at ease. Every second for him was painfully challenging to live, Claire could see it, but wondered why no one else saw his misery.
“Yours”, he mumbled out, swallowing again, then lowering his eyes, to the ground. All the façade, that he’d had inside for Heidi, the boys and his mom, was gone now. He couldn’t keep the act up any longer, and the fact, that he could show his true state to her, it warmed Claire more than anything.
If everything else failed her, if her father committed murder again, if Angela went behind their backs, and tried taking over the world, or becoming some evil dictator, Claire knew one thing- the one person who would never be fake with her was, Peter.
Even now, when he tried concealing his darkest moments, he didn’t hide it from her. It was a refreshing thought to Claire, and lifted her own mood, even though his was dangerously low.
“That doesn’t make sense. Are you sure?” Claire asked, sitting down on the outside bench, with him.
Peter exhaled, and nodded, “I…um, kept it.”
There was a strong wind, and Peter closed his eyes, letting it hit him, full force. Maybe he hoped, it would be enough to take away the sadness that consumed him, maybe it could help. But as he projected his feelings again, Claire could see it hadn’t help.
It was like this gnawing inside of her chest, that kept getting eaten up, by some rotting source. When he opened up his feelings, it was like she could feel this missing piece inside him, it made her own eyes water.
She closed her eyes, “Peter, I can feel you. Everything you’re feeling- I feel inside too. There’s this hole in my chest, this ache that makes me want to scream, and kill myself. Only, its not me, I know its you, and it scares me. It won’t go away.”
His eyes were locked in hers, and she could feel a new sensation radiating through her, fear. It started slowly, until it was a pang spreading through out her body. She felt the need to hide herself, to go inside a room and maybe never come back out. Slowly, she let her hand travel to his lap, were his were, and intertwined her fingers with his. Almost immediately, there was this different feeling, a pang, a curious concerning one, that she didn’t know what to translate to.
Squeezing his hand, Claire tried making a smile, “Don’t be scared. You don’t have to be scared, Peter. It’s just- it’s dangerous. What you feel is really dangerous, it scares me.”
It surprised her, when he pulled his hand away, and looked away from her. He didn’t say anything, only hugged himself, from the cold. When he turned back, she could sense his feelings leaving her, he’d formed some type of protective barrier between the both of them, “I’m fine. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Claire felt a stinging feeling then, only it wasn’t his, but hers. It was rejection, something she was very familiar with, when it came to Petrelli’s, only she’d never thought Peter would do it to her, he was different, she’d thought.
“You promised Peter, you promised you wouldn’t lie to me. You’re the only one who’s ever been honest…don’t change now. Let me help you-”
Peter stood up instantly, “I don’t need help. I’m fine Claire, I’m not the one that isolated herself.”
“Yeah, because of what you made me feel. Don’t tell me you haven’t done the same. You look like you haven’t slept, or ate since the funeral. Let me be there for you, you need help.”
He shook his head, and ran a hand through his hair, like the whole situation was frustrating him, “No. This isn’t how it works, ok? I, I…I need to take care of you. It’s what he wanted, it’s how it’s supposed to be.” His voice cracked a little, “He wanted me, to take care of you. Don’t you get that?”
Everything he was feeling started pouring out again. Claire felt her own need to start balling, and crying right there and then. Her chest tightened, and air seemed to be less available than before, but she closed her eyes and swallowed. Because it wasn’t her, she had to remind herself, that she wasn’t feeling this, it was purely Peter, and if she couldn’t remind herself that, she wouldn’t be able to help him.
When her mind had cleared, and she had opened her eyes, to see that the rim of his eyes had gotten dangerously red, Claire took his hands, in hers again, and smiled, “Nathan should have known, Peter, that if there was going to be any type of taking care of, it would be me, with you. You need someone, you can’t keep this to yourself.”
He sniffled, and shook his head, “I’m ok. I am, it’s just, harder than I thought it was going to be.”
“I miss him too, you know. It’s not just you. At least you got to know him, at least you got time with him.” she felt her own feelings rise, and her eyes water, “I never really got that. I always thought we’d have time. One of us was always busy saving the world, or trying to be normal. Neither of us ever made time. I always wanted to spend a holiday with him, even father’s day. I thought we’d even get to have breakfast together, like a family- but now its gone.
“So you can stand here, and mourn him, but what you haven’t counted in is, all the time you got to spend with him. You don’t find joy in the fact that you at least knew him better than everyone else. While I will always have are, what ifs?”
Peter looked at the ground, and shut his eyes, “It’s different, Claire. He was all I had, the only one who really cared. There’s no one left now. My mom always preferred him, she always chose him, she never cared as much as Nathan did. I’m alone now.”
Blood boiled inside her, and left a sour tinge in her mouth. She felt not only anger, but rejection again, “What about me? If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here. If I was just like everyone else, the moment, I started feeling what you feel, I would have ran the other way, but I haven’t. I ‘m here, and I’m staying. Whether you admit it or not, you need me, and I don’t care if you don’t like it, or if you complain or whine, I’m not going anywhere. You lied to me, and said you’d be fine, but you aren’t. And so I can’t leave, not if I can’t be sure if you‘ll be ok.”
He shook his head again and sighed, “You have your own life to live.”
“And you’re part of it, a big part. You have to get it through your head Peter, the day you saved me at my homecoming, you became important to me.” She’d never said that out loud, and it scared her to admit the truth. But he needed to feel important to someone, and he was to her. He was a ray of sunshine in a dark world that Claire had been pushed into.
If it took all of her power, time, and being, she’d fix her hero.
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Still no beta, lol, bad me, I know. I'm just super excited to post for some reason? anywho, hope you guys enjoyed it ;)
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