Just Give Me Tonight
Just Give Me Tonight
11.7.09
Petrelli Mansion
Dear Diary,
Today was Nathan’s funeral, Peter was there….
The funeral had ended, yet he hadn’t left the gravestone.
His eyes had become a permanent state of red, as if they would never change to that lovely hazel color again. His body trembled violently in the thin suit he had on. I’d asked him repeatedly if he wanted his coat, anything- yet he’d only shake his head, unable to mutter anything else, in his stoic state.
Everyone else had decided to go back to the mansion for the reception, and to- talk I guess, I wasn’t sure what it was you did exactly at those things, I hadn’t ever attended one before. Only Peter and I were left now. I would have gone too, but I couldn’t bare to leave him, not when he was like this, not when he was hurting so much. It hurt me to see him in pain.
The only thing I could think of was to sit next to him. To just be there I guess, what else could you do, when you r biological father had died, and one of the persons that you cared about most in the world was in physical and emotional torment?
He was vacant in a way. It was as if Nathan had taken Peter’s insides with him, and only left a shell of who he had been before. It was really, only until now that I’d realized just how much they’d loved each other, and depended on one another.
He sighed deeply, trying to breath without breaking out in tears again, and I could see just how close he was- just how much his insides were twisted in unbearable pain- I could literally feel every cell of hurt, that he himself felt.
I wanted to hug him, wrap my arms around him, and cradle him, and never let anything ever hurt him again- but I’d never been that close to him- I wasn’t sure how he’d react. I felt privileged just to be able to be at his side, and be somewhat of a confidant of pain, for him.
When my hand inched over, to intertwine fingers with him, I was half horrified that I’d actually done it, and half worried that he’d just- shy his hand away from mine. It was more than understandable that he would- yet when he didn’t, when his hand stayed in that perfect mold that I had created with both of ours, I kind of let out a small relieving exhale.
He opened his mouth slightly then, but closed it, and slammed his eyes shut, as if afraid he’d just break down again.
“I should have known, “ he whispered, his voice uneven.
My other hand instantly went over to caress his bangs, and tears streamed violently down his cheeks. I moved my position, to where I was half sitting in front of him on my knees, and hugged him, “There was no way you could have known, Peter.”
He tried to break away from my embrace, but I didn’t let him, I struggled, but cupped his face and kissed his forehead. I don’t think I was even thinking straight by then either- I just- I don’t know- I didn’t even know. I simply felt his pain, and ache- and as if the only way that it would subside was by kissing his beautifully pale skin.
For a few minutes he calmed down, and I was able to keep him there, in a semi calmed state- but a noise surprised both of us, and he took the opportunity to get up, and leave me.
It was my turn then, to sit there, and cry.
……………..
I would never be able to explain it correctly I guess, but in no way did I regret kissing him. And really, I hadn’t kissed his lips- I’d just kissed his forehead, cheeks…
It was later, and I was in my room, laying down, recounting the earlier events of the day. I felt mildly guilty that what didn’t hurt the most was that Nathan was gone- but I couldn’t help it that I hadn’t ever been as close to him as Peter. He had, in a way, rejected me, while Peter had been exactly what I had needed in such a confusing time in my life. There fore, it was understandable, at least to me, that he was my main concern.
He hadn’t gone back to the mansion- I’d looked, relentlessly, but he had been no where to be found. I’d even checked his apartment- only Emma had been there. She’d tried to invite me in for coffee, but for some reason, I couldn’t stay.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like her, she was if anything, great- but, for my own sanity I guess, I couldn’t be there, in the same room for with her. Half the time I wanted to be her best friend, and go shopping, while the other half, I just wanted to strangle her, and make her tell me what the secret ingredient to making Peter fall in love with you was.
After that I couldn’t go back to the mansion, so I’d gone to the park, in hopes that he’d just show up miraculously and sit by me or something, but of course, that was just wishful thinking- my luck had never been that good.
Closing my eyes, I could see him again, in his pain. Why did he want to isolate himself? Why not be with someone- someone who could understand? Then again, I guess he’d always been that type.
A wind swept through my room, and I curled further, hugging myself. I hadn’t thought of getting a blanket- I just- didn’t want to do much of anything- I felt completely drained out.
That’s when I felt it, well I didn’t feel anything- but a presence was obvious- instinctive almost. Because, when I turned around- he stood there, eyeing me, curiously- with his hands shoved inside his pockets.
He was still trembling.
I didn’t know how he’d gotten in, nor did I care. What did matter, was that he was there- with me. I realized it had been raining outside, and that he was soaking wet, something that didn’t sit so well with me.
I got up on my knees, and sort of pulled him down on to the bed, by his jacket. He didn’t object, and that sort of scared me. The Peter I knew, would have put up some type of fight, but this one didn’t.
He looked at me, with empty eyes, and lovely pale lips. Before I knew it, his own cold, shaking hand was on my hip, careful to keep the touch- innocent.
“I’m scared things could change. But…I want them to, too.”
I played with his bangs, “Don’t be.”
He closed his eyes, and took my wrists in his hands, “I need you to listen, ok?”
I nodded my head, “ok.”
For a few seconds he stayed silent, and focused on his breathing, before opening his eyes and twitching his lip, “If Nathan’s death has shown me anything- its that, life is short, Claire. You can’t take the things you love the most in the world for granted. But its different for me- and I see it every time I look into your face- I know its there too.
“loving you has been one of the greatest kept secrets of my life. One that I even kept from Nathan, for obvious reasons. I wanted to tell you- just to simply express it in a subtle way, but I couldn’t. Because when I see your eyes, its right there, I know how you’d react-”
I wanted to kiss him, show him, that he had no clue. That I truly felt the same, that I had- that ever since that unforgettable day in Odessa, I had been his. But he shook his head, “Please just- don’t say it. I know how you feel, Claire. I know it. I’ve hear your mind screaming it-and I do. I love you with my entire being. It’s something that I’ve had to live with since I met you. When I look at you, sometimes I think that I will never be able to leave your side again- that maybe I could-make it work…but I can’t…we can’t….for your sake, and mine-”
“Please don’t, Peter. Please just- give me tonight?” I knew my voice was cracking, but I couldn’t take knowing, that he’d never even give us a chance. He was all I’d ever wanted, all I’d dreamt of.
I pried my wrists free, and cupped his tear-stained face, pulling it to mine, and kissing him. He didn’t kiss me back at first, he just sat there, motionless- but it was only seconds before he gave in, and in turn, kissed me back. His kisses were slow at first, but slowly began getting heavier and harder.
The night gradually transformed from kissing, into more. Maybe it was wrong for things to happen that day, maybe it was a little disrespectful to Nathan, but it was all we had- all we could have.
……….
11.8.09
Petrelli Mansion
Dear Diary,
The sun came through the blinds in the morning, bringing some type of renewed hope in me, that I hadn’t had the night before. I prayed that the night with me would be enough to change his mind. To make him see, that something could be worked out.
But he wasn’t there, he’d left.
………
11.11.09
Petrelli Mansion
Dear Diary,
They found his body in his old room, that he grew up in. I guess I’d never know why he did it, why he chose to kill himself instead of loving me in sin.
It hurt. More than any physical pain I’d ever felt before in my life multiplied by a thousand. When your soul mate leaves, its like you leave with him. It’s like there’s nothing left of you but the body in which you’ve lived.
I’d never be complete again.
……….
One Week Later
New York Times
With in the week of Junior Senator, Nathan Petrelli’s funeral, another tragedy has hit the Petrelli family. Senator Petrelli’s younger brother Peter Petrelli and daughter Claire Bennett, both took their lives. Petrelli’s younger brother’s body was found in his childhood room, in the early morning of Wednesday, November 11. Cause, an overdose of sleeping pills. Bennett’s body was found later that evening, cause, gunshot to the back of the head. Story still developing…
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Ari's Note: i was really tempted to give you guys a happy ending! i was starting to write it too lol. but hey- this just felt more natural. :) OH! its totally un-beta'd (sorry i didn't send it to you first ellie :() but i wanted to surprise you guys. so if you see like, a million mistakes, its all my fault. :)