paint stripping
there is so so much ahead of me.
i know i should take this one step at a time. i realize that my jumping ahead is just one big unnecessary headache, but i can't help it. things change so quickly that we rarely take the time to really take it all in. by not stopping momentarily, those things creep into daily life and make it a little bit harder.
i didn't realize how much my confidence had been torn down. you and the man you hated most completely ripped my confidence to shreds mercilessly. you two made me question every aspect of my personality, choices (past, present, and future), and even my own body. cutting ties with you both sucked at first. you are irreplacable, i know and understand that fully. however, you didn't hold much of a place in my life to begin with, sir. and you, i don't miss you, but sometimes, i do miss what could've been. i've worn the costumes and played the parts of the roles you both had in your respective scripts. now i'm writing my own.
i have to do a second degree in biology or chemistry or something science-y. i feel a little inadequate, as though the things i'm doing now aren't getting me anywhere. inadequacy has been a theme for the past five or six years, but lately, it's losing it's weight and giving way to some other things. like love....
i've felt more love in this past month with him than i've felt in the past. and it's all so simple, with a sturdy foundation that every relationship should be built on. he finishes my sentences. he makes inappropriate jokes that are better versions of what i try. i feel clingy because i just love to see him all the time. he's amazing and i'm lucky. so damn lucky.
i can't say "this is it." what i can say though is that he might be what i've been looking for.
i know i should take this one step at a time. i realize that my jumping ahead is just one big unnecessary headache, but i can't help it. things change so quickly that we rarely take the time to really take it all in. by not stopping momentarily, those things creep into daily life and make it a little bit harder.
i didn't realize how much my confidence had been torn down. you and the man you hated most completely ripped my confidence to shreds mercilessly. you two made me question every aspect of my personality, choices (past, present, and future), and even my own body. cutting ties with you both sucked at first. you are irreplacable, i know and understand that fully. however, you didn't hold much of a place in my life to begin with, sir. and you, i don't miss you, but sometimes, i do miss what could've been. i've worn the costumes and played the parts of the roles you both had in your respective scripts. now i'm writing my own.
i have to do a second degree in biology or chemistry or something science-y. i feel a little inadequate, as though the things i'm doing now aren't getting me anywhere. inadequacy has been a theme for the past five or six years, but lately, it's losing it's weight and giving way to some other things. like love....
i've felt more love in this past month with him than i've felt in the past. and it's all so simple, with a sturdy foundation that every relationship should be built on. he finishes my sentences. he makes inappropriate jokes that are better versions of what i try. i feel clingy because i just love to see him all the time. he's amazing and i'm lucky. so damn lucky.
i can't say "this is it." what i can say though is that he might be what i've been looking for.