(no subject)
Have you ever stopped and thought and really examined your life? Have you ever stopped and thought that maybe you have just been on a path of continuous mistakes?
Lately, I do.
There has always been a small feeling brooding within me, telling me that maybe the choices I've been selecting aren't exactly what I SHOULD be doing. There are days when I just want to turn back the clock, feverishly tear back the calendar. Early 2008 would have been a great starting point. Honestly, I'm not sure that I ever should have left Florida. I feel as though maybe that was the first place I started taking the wrong steps towards something I don't want to be heading towards.
Of course, I was blinded by the "love" that was in front of me. How can a 19 year old say no to a guy she thinks the world of. A guy who promises her the world on a silver platter and reassures her that she is making all of the right choices? Maybe it is that first love that shapes all of our lives. Some of us are naive enough to marry our first loves; I can't say much for myself, I set up shop with him and so began my series of ill fated moves.
Alienating yourself out of pride is detrimental and hurtful and I had to learn that lesson through experience. Through inflicting that kind of humiliation upon myself. Why I felt compelled to hurt those around me and surround myself with lies is simply beyond me. I'm sure the only one I should apologize to is myself, but I think that I'm still working towards that. You yourself will inevitably be your harshest critic but the blow of multiple mistakes is still a long digestion process.
If there is one thing I will not allow is for history to repeat itself within my own life. As much as I despise being single, I don't think I'm going to allow anyone that close into my life again for an extremely long time. I need so much time to figure out myself and evolve and eventually forgive myself for the missteps I've taken...
Lately, I do.
There has always been a small feeling brooding within me, telling me that maybe the choices I've been selecting aren't exactly what I SHOULD be doing. There are days when I just want to turn back the clock, feverishly tear back the calendar. Early 2008 would have been a great starting point. Honestly, I'm not sure that I ever should have left Florida. I feel as though maybe that was the first place I started taking the wrong steps towards something I don't want to be heading towards.
Of course, I was blinded by the "love" that was in front of me. How can a 19 year old say no to a guy she thinks the world of. A guy who promises her the world on a silver platter and reassures her that she is making all of the right choices? Maybe it is that first love that shapes all of our lives. Some of us are naive enough to marry our first loves; I can't say much for myself, I set up shop with him and so began my series of ill fated moves.
Alienating yourself out of pride is detrimental and hurtful and I had to learn that lesson through experience. Through inflicting that kind of humiliation upon myself. Why I felt compelled to hurt those around me and surround myself with lies is simply beyond me. I'm sure the only one I should apologize to is myself, but I think that I'm still working towards that. You yourself will inevitably be your harshest critic but the blow of multiple mistakes is still a long digestion process.
If there is one thing I will not allow is for history to repeat itself within my own life. As much as I despise being single, I don't think I'm going to allow anyone that close into my life again for an extremely long time. I need so much time to figure out myself and evolve and eventually forgive myself for the missteps I've taken...