god of wonders, beyond our galaxy... you are holy, holy
I've been struggling a lot lately, but I came to the realization that there is a gaping emptiness in my life, in my soul, and everything I have been doing are the WRONG ways to fill it.
Food can't do it. Fandom can't do it. Languages can't do it. Not even my lovely friends are enough.
I have known all along the only thing that can, but I have been led so astray from the truth, I had been able to fool myself for so long... but no longer.
I know now... only God can fill this emptiness. I was in the darkness for so long when the truth was so simple!
I never really listened to what the people at my old church said, because I was so stuck in my ways. Now, I know better. I'm going to return and REALLY listen to them, without letting any of my past beliefs get in the way.
I really think that they have gotten in the way of a lot of other things, too. I feel so... dirty when I look back on all that I've said, all that I've read, all that I've done. I have let sin taint my life for so long. I want to feel pure again.
Another thing I've realized is that if I truly want to be pure, then I can no longer be a part of fandom. There are too many temptations in it, and while God gives me strength, I don't know if I can overcome temptations that huge.
Because of that, and the fact that this LJ contains many vivid, detailed accounts of all the sins I've committed, I feel like I NEED to move. I already have a new LJ, encielocondios. I haven't added you all there yet because this is so sudden, I want you to read this and then make the choice of whether or not you still want to be friends. While it would be painful to separate from you, I cannot force you to stay friends with this new version of me, who is quite different than the persona you have seen for so long. After all, I will be trying to purify myself, in all senses of the word.
I am sorry for this abrupt announcement, but it is something I do need to do. I hope you will follow me there, but if not, I will keep you in my prayers. ♥
Food can't do it. Fandom can't do it. Languages can't do it. Not even my lovely friends are enough.
I have known all along the only thing that can, but I have been led so astray from the truth, I had been able to fool myself for so long... but no longer.
I know now... only God can fill this emptiness. I was in the darkness for so long when the truth was so simple!
I never really listened to what the people at my old church said, because I was so stuck in my ways. Now, I know better. I'm going to return and REALLY listen to them, without letting any of my past beliefs get in the way.
I really think that they have gotten in the way of a lot of other things, too. I feel so... dirty when I look back on all that I've said, all that I've read, all that I've done. I have let sin taint my life for so long. I want to feel pure again.
Another thing I've realized is that if I truly want to be pure, then I can no longer be a part of fandom. There are too many temptations in it, and while God gives me strength, I don't know if I can overcome temptations that huge.
Because of that, and the fact that this LJ contains many vivid, detailed accounts of all the sins I've committed, I feel like I NEED to move. I already have a new LJ, encielocondios. I haven't added you all there yet because this is so sudden, I want you to read this and then make the choice of whether or not you still want to be friends. While it would be painful to separate from you, I cannot force you to stay friends with this new version of me, who is quite different than the persona you have seen for so long. After all, I will be trying to purify myself, in all senses of the word.
I am sorry for this abrupt announcement, but it is something I do need to do. I hope you will follow me there, but if not, I will keep you in my prayers. ♥