(no subject)
It was Laney's birthday yesturday. She is 3. I called to wish her a happy birthday and i got the answering machine. so i sang the birthday song to her. then i called later and mom wouldn't let me talk to her. i was sad. my mom hates me because i don't have job yet. i wonder if she'll love me when i get one. i think i haven't tried really hard to get one because this way i can use that as a playful excuse for her hating me, but in reality, if i got a job she would hate me just the same. i can't remember the last time i hugged my dad for real. i can't remember any daddy daughter talks or kisses on the forhead. or sitting on daddy's knee. and even if he doesn't realize it, my dad is an asshole. at least my mom knows she is a bitch. brittany hates me because of my past mistakes. she's jealous that i'm at college. she basically thinks i'm a shitty person. laney loves me because she is taught to. if she were older she would hate me like the rest of them. jared loves me for other reason that i'd rather not get into. my friends hate me from time to time because i am selfish and a shitty person. it's hard to be at college all on your own, knowing that in the end, no one gives a shit whether you succeed or fail. as long as you don't bring them down with. my mom, whether she knows it or not, blames me for how her life turned out. i hate being the unwanted one.