Been a while
Ok, so it's been a while since I posted here. I got drawn into teh ranks of myspace, but have since seen the error in my ways. So I am back here!!! Yay!! Well, ok, that and well, some people read my myspace only, and there are things that I might want to write that some poeple can see, but not others. After all, this is my journal, right?
So where shall we begin? As of today, I don't have to hide my feelings anymore, as I will be moved out of Jason's parents' house. So here goes:
Love ya, mean it!!!
Hehe, what a teaser, huh? No really tho, things are lookign up. Am I scared? Shitless. Even though everyone says he'll never hurt me, I am still afraid he will. Maybe it's me being insecure, o maybe just refusing to fall into a dreamstate, or even maybe me being realistic. Either way, I am terrified. But if you push that feelign aside, I am happy. He treats me so incredibly well, and supports me in everything I want to do (good). I told him I was toying with the idea of going to an art school, and openign my own tattoo parlor, and he said go for it, he thinks it's a good idea. Now, I will probably compromise, adn go to school for nursing or something, adn take art on the side. Most of the classes I have to take to get my tattooing license are health field related, so it's two birds with one stone, and I would have an RN to fall back on while getting my studio up adn running. I think I may have found the one person in the world that can really handle me, that really has what it takes. After all, having known and watched me for as long as he has, he knows full well what he is getting into. And he isn't afraid to use his backbone with me, though it would appear it doesn't really even take that much. Suprisingly, as alpha as we both are, we compliment eachother rather than cross eachother. And our communication is definately a strong poing, adn have already begun to show eachother that we can and will compromise (he hates cats, he gets a dog. He doesn't like snakes, but as long as I keep it in it's tank, I can have one in leiu of a cat).
Stomach is being weird lately, almost like a nasty stomach bug. Been off and on nauseous for a few days, and actually got sick tonight (and feel like i may do so again). Really annoying now, you ahve no idea. Took some pepto, not seeming to help much at all, except for quelling my stomach so that I am not rushing to the porcelean god righ tnow like I thought I was going to. We shall see.
As usual, my life is in kind of an updraft, but it looks like it is going to level adn stable out ehre real soon. Well, one can only hope. I know, I know. I have messed up a lot, especially when things were lookign up and leveling out. But I think I am gonna stop running every time things are going good, maybe save the runnign for a last resort when things go bad? Don't get me wrong, I hate running. It tends to make me feel more helpless than I started out. And a lot of my runs have been preemptive, out of fear for what I think migh thappen. Hell, even right now a small part of me wants to run because I am afraid I am really going to get hurt, that C is just blowing smoke up my ass. I would like to think he's not, that the last almost 7 years of emotion are true. So I am going to stay, and see where fate takes us. It has brought us together at this point, lets see if it keeps us here.
Strangely enough, I feel almost content. There are few things that I can think of that would make the picture being painted complete, but those can be added later, depending. I love how smart he is, how intillectual he is. I can seriously sit down and just talk to him, theology and religion, all the way to our favorite cartoon (Family Guy). Now, he is not perfect, no on eis. But we do seem to compliment eachother. I hope this one lasts, and I find myself wanting to do everything in my power to ensure that it does, at least for my part.
Well, it's almost 2am, and I have to get up in about 7 hours. I don't feel good, so I am going to curl up and go to sleep. I love you all, and I will post more soon, I'm sure.
So where shall we begin? As of today, I don't have to hide my feelings anymore, as I will be moved out of Jason's parents' house. So here goes:
Love ya, mean it!!!
Hehe, what a teaser, huh? No really tho, things are lookign up. Am I scared? Shitless. Even though everyone says he'll never hurt me, I am still afraid he will. Maybe it's me being insecure, o maybe just refusing to fall into a dreamstate, or even maybe me being realistic. Either way, I am terrified. But if you push that feelign aside, I am happy. He treats me so incredibly well, and supports me in everything I want to do (good). I told him I was toying with the idea of going to an art school, and openign my own tattoo parlor, and he said go for it, he thinks it's a good idea. Now, I will probably compromise, adn go to school for nursing or something, adn take art on the side. Most of the classes I have to take to get my tattooing license are health field related, so it's two birds with one stone, and I would have an RN to fall back on while getting my studio up adn running. I think I may have found the one person in the world that can really handle me, that really has what it takes. After all, having known and watched me for as long as he has, he knows full well what he is getting into. And he isn't afraid to use his backbone with me, though it would appear it doesn't really even take that much. Suprisingly, as alpha as we both are, we compliment eachother rather than cross eachother. And our communication is definately a strong poing, adn have already begun to show eachother that we can and will compromise (he hates cats, he gets a dog. He doesn't like snakes, but as long as I keep it in it's tank, I can have one in leiu of a cat).
Stomach is being weird lately, almost like a nasty stomach bug. Been off and on nauseous for a few days, and actually got sick tonight (and feel like i may do so again). Really annoying now, you ahve no idea. Took some pepto, not seeming to help much at all, except for quelling my stomach so that I am not rushing to the porcelean god righ tnow like I thought I was going to. We shall see.
As usual, my life is in kind of an updraft, but it looks like it is going to level adn stable out ehre real soon. Well, one can only hope. I know, I know. I have messed up a lot, especially when things were lookign up and leveling out. But I think I am gonna stop running every time things are going good, maybe save the runnign for a last resort when things go bad? Don't get me wrong, I hate running. It tends to make me feel more helpless than I started out. And a lot of my runs have been preemptive, out of fear for what I think migh thappen. Hell, even right now a small part of me wants to run because I am afraid I am really going to get hurt, that C is just blowing smoke up my ass. I would like to think he's not, that the last almost 7 years of emotion are true. So I am going to stay, and see where fate takes us. It has brought us together at this point, lets see if it keeps us here.
Strangely enough, I feel almost content. There are few things that I can think of that would make the picture being painted complete, but those can be added later, depending. I love how smart he is, how intillectual he is. I can seriously sit down and just talk to him, theology and religion, all the way to our favorite cartoon (Family Guy). Now, he is not perfect, no on eis. But we do seem to compliment eachother. I hope this one lasts, and I find myself wanting to do everything in my power to ensure that it does, at least for my part.
Well, it's almost 2am, and I have to get up in about 7 hours. I don't feel good, so I am going to curl up and go to sleep. I love you all, and I will post more soon, I'm sure.