The inner workings of a derranged mind
I took a walk in a windstorm,
with the sun at my back.
Eventually i came to a cross roads and was faced
with a decision.
One way lay a path i knew, a path i've travelled before.
The other way i did not know.
I stood there, looking back and forth as cars whizzed by,
As the wind brushed past,
and the sun warmed my back.
I then made my decision.
I turned around and retreated home, afraid of both ways.
This has been my life,
always retreating back to what i find comforting,
to what i know
and where i'm safe.
How counter productive.
My walk raised within me questions. Comment. Wonderings. would you like to hear a few? Then keep going...
-Why is this so complicated? why can't they ever give me a straight answer?
-Is the distance between us still just a physical one?
-And if not.. is it getting wider?
-Oh god.. oh god.. oh god please give me the strength your child needs..
-Is something different between us?
-Please call.. text.. something.. i need to talk to you..
-Does she still talk about me?
-The last time we were together.. i hurt you.. i hurt you.. i'm so sorry.. you said it was fine, but.. oh god i hurt you..
-I'm not the man i want to be. Or should be.
-Do you still think i'm right for you?
-will these doubts hurt us? are you willing to comfort my struggling mind?
-i bet your getting tired of reassuring me all the time.
-Are you avoiding me...?
-why doesn't anyone ever really respond to these posts anymore?
-Am i just so paranoid i can't put myself to rest anymore?
-god i feel like your drifting away from me.. have i alienated you? was it the money thing? or something else?
-jeesus.. i dont know how long i can fight back these tears..
-I want you here.. i want to be there.. i want to be HOME again..
-jesus..
-jesus..
-maybe that other post really exposed what i really am.. a sad, lost insecure child..
-I want to be strong for you.
-is something different?! please call me.. please please..
- I sure do ask a lot these days..
-god, i'm pathetic..
-god, your child is lost.. please help him find a way..
with the sun at my back.
Eventually i came to a cross roads and was faced
with a decision.
One way lay a path i knew, a path i've travelled before.
The other way i did not know.
I stood there, looking back and forth as cars whizzed by,
As the wind brushed past,
and the sun warmed my back.
I then made my decision.
I turned around and retreated home, afraid of both ways.
This has been my life,
always retreating back to what i find comforting,
to what i know
and where i'm safe.
How counter productive.
My walk raised within me questions. Comment. Wonderings. would you like to hear a few? Then keep going...
-Why is this so complicated? why can't they ever give me a straight answer?
-Is the distance between us still just a physical one?
-And if not.. is it getting wider?
-Oh god.. oh god.. oh god please give me the strength your child needs..
-Is something different between us?
-Please call.. text.. something.. i need to talk to you..
-Does she still talk about me?
-The last time we were together.. i hurt you.. i hurt you.. i'm so sorry.. you said it was fine, but.. oh god i hurt you..
-I'm not the man i want to be. Or should be.
-Do you still think i'm right for you?
-will these doubts hurt us? are you willing to comfort my struggling mind?
-i bet your getting tired of reassuring me all the time.
-Are you avoiding me...?
-why doesn't anyone ever really respond to these posts anymore?
-Am i just so paranoid i can't put myself to rest anymore?
-god i feel like your drifting away from me.. have i alienated you? was it the money thing? or something else?
-jeesus.. i dont know how long i can fight back these tears..
-I want you here.. i want to be there.. i want to be HOME again..
-jesus..
-jesus..
-maybe that other post really exposed what i really am.. a sad, lost insecure child..
-I want to be strong for you.
-is something different?! please call me.. please please..
- I sure do ask a lot these days..
-god, i'm pathetic..
-god, your child is lost.. please help him find a way..