(no subject)
oh gosh.
we [finally] own 'dress to kill'....it's just playing in the background....i know it all by heart...it makes me so cheesyhappy.
i haven't updated in forever...i've been busy working on making/publishing the first issue of this 'zine i'm making with 2 friends called 'rabblerouser'!!
i've been....writing articles...contacting bands and venues...taking and obtaining pictures.. going to shows...all kinds of fun stuff...
if you live in Athens you know that there's enough of a music scene here to [attempt to] publish a monthly 'zine about everything that's going on....
if you don't live in Athens....let's just say there's more going on with local music in this town than i feel we can cover/document.
it's overwhelming and amazing to see something actually come together...i can't wait to see what happens once we get these gears really turning...we've already been approached by so many people as the word has spread about the publication...i can't wait to see how big this gets...
It's really exciting, but i've been being weird lately and it's been getting in the way of everything....and by everything i mean all of it. pretty much every aspect of my life is in a coma, any part that needs vital constant attention....in a coma instead. i've got my head tucked under the covers like a 5 year old in the dark.
I've become so non-confrontational about looming impertinent things. I feel crippled. I've also lost a little bit of the firm grasp i had on myself and my OCD. I've become weirdly antisocial. but only antisocial in situations and concerning the people that matter, that i need to talk to, that i need. I can't explain it, i'm still feeling it out but it's been growing and getting in the way since......before november....i've been tempted to start taking my "meds" again, the only reason i began taking them was after my dr. convinced me they wouldn't hurt...but i convinced myself that as long as i try to make sure and be conscious of my OCD then i can control it myself without the help of medication....but lately i've heard all the little OCD voices telling me lies in my head and i haven't been able to make them stop/tell myself they aren't right. My dr. said that there isn't enough serotonin in my brain to hit the switch that controls my circular thinking and ocd....and that it's as physical of a 'problem' as a broken bone. He told me that if one had a broken bone then they would (of course) get a cast. In that same way, if one's brain doesn't produce enough serotonin shouldn't one make use of whatever they can to get their serotonin to the right levels? It makes sense.... but at the same time, if i know what i'm OCD about and what it feels like when it's the OCD and not reality manipulating my perceptions...shouldn't i be able to use my awareness of the problem to fix it myself? I used to think this would work but lately i haven't been able to be as strong....i just hate the thought of being a slave to rituals like showering or makeup or pills....my self discovery has made me a freak...self actualization is awesome but also really overwhelming. i'm rambling.
i was going to let myself start feeling differently about love and emotions and all that mooshy stuff...but it's making me feel exhausted and sidetracked and vulnerable so i think it's time for me to burn all that.
i need to do laundry. I need to get ready....zine shit and effie's shit and loads of other things to do.
Oh yeah, i joined a burlesque troupe. I wanted to cover the formation and subsequent explosion of the burlesque troupe here in Athens in the first issue....they formed about a year ago and things are really starting to get hot for them so i thought some coverage and free advertising would help them along....and in the process i believe i have joined because i really miss the stage and i think it's time for me to let go of a little bit of my turboprudishness. For now i know i want to help out with techie stuff and be a part of the large performance they are orchestrating for may....but i don't know how much of my turboprudishness i'm ready to get rid of so i may or may not have my own 'signature' solo piece to take on tour or open for bands with.
It's called Effie's Club Follies and we had an anti-valentines day dance party scheduled for tomorrow at Tasty World but the owner double booked and our party got pushed to tonight and I AM NOT READY. I told them i've got a lot going on with the 'zine coming out this friday so hopefully they will understand...so yeah i need to get out of these p.j. and get into 'social mode'.
we [finally] own 'dress to kill'....it's just playing in the background....i know it all by heart...it makes me so cheesyhappy.
i haven't updated in forever...i've been busy working on making/publishing the first issue of this 'zine i'm making with 2 friends called 'rabblerouser'!!
i've been....writing articles...contacting bands and venues...taking and obtaining pictures.. going to shows...all kinds of fun stuff...
if you live in Athens you know that there's enough of a music scene here to [attempt to] publish a monthly 'zine about everything that's going on....
if you don't live in Athens....let's just say there's more going on with local music in this town than i feel we can cover/document.
it's overwhelming and amazing to see something actually come together...i can't wait to see what happens once we get these gears really turning...we've already been approached by so many people as the word has spread about the publication...i can't wait to see how big this gets...
It's really exciting, but i've been being weird lately and it's been getting in the way of everything....and by everything i mean all of it. pretty much every aspect of my life is in a coma, any part that needs vital constant attention....in a coma instead. i've got my head tucked under the covers like a 5 year old in the dark.
I've become so non-confrontational about looming impertinent things. I feel crippled. I've also lost a little bit of the firm grasp i had on myself and my OCD. I've become weirdly antisocial. but only antisocial in situations and concerning the people that matter, that i need to talk to, that i need. I can't explain it, i'm still feeling it out but it's been growing and getting in the way since......before november....i've been tempted to start taking my "meds" again, the only reason i began taking them was after my dr. convinced me they wouldn't hurt...but i convinced myself that as long as i try to make sure and be conscious of my OCD then i can control it myself without the help of medication....but lately i've heard all the little OCD voices telling me lies in my head and i haven't been able to make them stop/tell myself they aren't right. My dr. said that there isn't enough serotonin in my brain to hit the switch that controls my circular thinking and ocd....and that it's as physical of a 'problem' as a broken bone. He told me that if one had a broken bone then they would (of course) get a cast. In that same way, if one's brain doesn't produce enough serotonin shouldn't one make use of whatever they can to get their serotonin to the right levels? It makes sense.... but at the same time, if i know what i'm OCD about and what it feels like when it's the OCD and not reality manipulating my perceptions...shouldn't i be able to use my awareness of the problem to fix it myself? I used to think this would work but lately i haven't been able to be as strong....i just hate the thought of being a slave to rituals like showering or makeup or pills....my self discovery has made me a freak...self actualization is awesome but also really overwhelming. i'm rambling.
i was going to let myself start feeling differently about love and emotions and all that mooshy stuff...but it's making me feel exhausted and sidetracked and vulnerable so i think it's time for me to burn all that.
i need to do laundry. I need to get ready....zine shit and effie's shit and loads of other things to do.
Oh yeah, i joined a burlesque troupe. I wanted to cover the formation and subsequent explosion of the burlesque troupe here in Athens in the first issue....they formed about a year ago and things are really starting to get hot for them so i thought some coverage and free advertising would help them along....and in the process i believe i have joined because i really miss the stage and i think it's time for me to let go of a little bit of my turboprudishness. For now i know i want to help out with techie stuff and be a part of the large performance they are orchestrating for may....but i don't know how much of my turboprudishness i'm ready to get rid of so i may or may not have my own 'signature' solo piece to take on tour or open for bands with.
It's called Effie's Club Follies and we had an anti-valentines day dance party scheduled for tomorrow at Tasty World but the owner double booked and our party got pushed to tonight and I AM NOT READY. I told them i've got a lot going on with the 'zine coming out this friday so hopefully they will understand...so yeah i need to get out of these p.j. and get into 'social mode'.