To you, this is everything...
What the fuck am I supposed to do? I need money, and lots of it. Anyone care to send me some? Yeah...I figured. Sometime, this has to end, right? Wow. A baby? Really? I can't have a baby. Look at me. I can't think in any type of pattern. How am I supposed to deal with the ritualistic nature that is a baby? I guess, since it's MY baby, it may be different...that what people say, right? Fuck people. People are ridiculous. My ear tickles. The inside though. Like an itch on the bottom of your foot when you have shoes on. How can you make it stop? That didn't work. Oh well, I'll deal. So there's a girl, a best friend of mine for several years. I feel bad for her. I want to help, but I can't. No one can though, so that's settling. No it's not, that's so much worse. If I can't help, I'd like it if SOMEONE could. But no...just time. She has no choice but to wait for time. I'll throw my impatience out the window and be patient for her. I'll be her stone. Why is billiards on my tv? Why is my tv even on? Wasn't that supposed to get shut off like a month ago? Taken care of...that's right. I guess I still owe money for that. I wish they'd leave me alone. The phone too, and Peco, and Bank of America, and HUB, and Mealey's, and my Mom, and State Farm, and North Fork. Man, lots of ands. I think it's time for a new job. More money maybe? Fuck it though. I'd take a pay cut for a job that didn't make me miserable. Where could I find one of those. I wish I could just have one handed to me. "Here you go, here's a job that you don't necessarily like, but hey, it won't make you miserable, I promise." Promise? Promises...so cheap. Fairly well noted that they aren't kept, so why the expectations? I have to pee. Will I? Probably, but not soon I have no doubt. Oh, a cigarette! That's good. Wait, if I didn't smoke, money wouldn't be such an issue. I could go 2 weeks with no money after bills were paid if it meant I didn't have to worry about buying cigarettes. I have Easy Mac so it's not like I wouldn't eat. Maybe I should just quit smoking...oh wait. I've used this exact logic before. It's like repetitive de ja vue. Tried the whole quitting thing..doesn't work. How have I solved this problem in the past then? It's Thursday. Why aren't I at work today? I don't remember having off. Did I call out. I wonder if I just didn't show. Hmm...I'm fired. Oh well. What's the point of work anyway? Money...right. Can't get fired. I hope I called out. Where was I? Why can't I remember? This cigarette is already almost finished. Wow, that was quick. What time is it? What's the date? I'll find out. .... The 28th of April, huh? Are we really that far into the year already? What the hell happened to March? Where am I? Oh, at home. This IS my computer, right? Am I even typing this? How come? I should take a shower. Maybe it will refresh me. Maybe I should golf.. by myself. That would be nice. Never did that before. New things are nice. Nice things are good. I guess that makes new things good. It's kind of like a+b=c isn't it? Math. Wow, been a while since I did math and realized it. Do I suddenly miss school? No, school sucked. It was easier than this though. I never believed anyone when they told me that it would be. Hmm, maybe I should start believing people. Oh yeah, people are ridiculous, that's right. Fuck them. Fuck believing them. That would require trust. I think that tank is empty. Wave of tiredness just rushed me. Bizarre indeed. Maybe I should pee now. It's actually been quite a while since I first spoke of urination in this drivel. Okay, I'll go do that then...