War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.
Dear Prime Minister John...
I've been meaning to write to you for a while. I'd just like to express, as a faithful neocon myself, (some call us fascists, but they just don't understand), that your government has done wonderful things for our minority, and at the same time fooling the majority that you have their 'interests' at heart. You’ve even bred xenophobia - what more could we ask for? I'll tell you what, this stuff is great for business. Focusing the minds of people on issues that don't matter - it's how modern capitalism fuctions. The economy is the strongest it's ever been - and when you get rid of the competition we'll be pulling in even bigger bucks. It's about time somebody had the guts to tell those bloody Aboriginals and dole bludgers to piss off and find a job. The paternal policies of Protection are obviously the best we can return to after those bloody Tasmanians were the only ones who took genocide as far as it should have gone. Speaking of genocide, your administration’s attempted murder of that horrible liberal media institution that is the ABC was a great effort. If it wasn't for those damn communists I'm sure Richard Alston would have been more successful, but those good-guys at Channel 9 did their best and really got his message across anyhow.
They were also really effective in neglecting to bring to light the fact that Tony Abbott established a 'Foundation For Honest Politics' to shove that nice woman Pauline Hanson in jail (it's a pity she was blinded by that anti-globalisation mumbo jumbo). And then proceeded to say Pauline's treatment was harsh, and also refused to expose where the money for the establishment of this wonderful foundation came from. Hehe, 'Honest Politics'. For your sake, I'm glad most people don't understand what an 'oxymoron' is. It's a pity you weren't successful in your underground appeal to bring back capital punishment, because that Pauline Hanson could have ended up a martyr (it's about time racism was brought out into the open), much like that fellow Amrozi will to those stupid slanty-eyed Indonesians. I mean, they hate us because we've exploited the people of East Timor and stolen their oil profits, but does it really matter if a soldier kicks a dead body? Your friend Dubya's grandfather stole a whole corpse out of a grave and nobody cared about that! I hope, after you succeed in making universities private and solely for the rich elite, that we can have secret societies that disrespect the elders of our nation's original inhabitants. Then, just like in that wonderful nation the USA, all you’ll need is C grades and father with a specific surname to join up for education.
Your pal Brendan Nelson's argument that 'people who have never set foot in a university are paying for others to attend' is really a wonderful multi-purpose one that could be applied to everything and anything at will. I hope soon we start saying 'people who don't even have children are paying for kids to go to school' and 'people who never get sick are paying for other people's medical care', because with all the money we have to spend on defending the homeland from the invasion of the imminent terrorist threat which has been around for two years, we won't have any left for unnecessary things like education and health. You've managed to convince the people they need to pay for health and education themselves whilst taxing half their income. Could you be any more cunning? The people of Australia now understand that defence comes above intelligence and wellbeing - they understand that the only good Arab or Muslim is a ‘liberated’ one whose government is chosen by an imperialist beast and instituted by a peace-loving force. I’m glad they also understand your complicated argument that the people of Afghanistan and Iraq need our support, and that collateral damage is unfortunately a necessary part of bombing those WMD sites which, every time without fail, have unfortunately proved to be something else like a power or water supplier. And they probably believe the Iraqi's own the oil fields now (Tee hee, the power of the media!). Obviously the Afghani’s and Iraqi’s that miss our well-aimed missiles are not, by any circumstances, allowed to risk their life and jump on a leaky, dangerous boat as a last resort to freedom - that’s just simply a case of jumping a queue that you’d have us believe actually exists. Besides, locking them up and stacking them on top of one another is far too good for the economy. ACM are making a goldmine, and obviously, as a neocon party, you’ve got to make all your policies favourable to corporate crims who will donate a few bucks at election time so you can use the money to take your wife on a trip to Rome.
Speaking of marriage, I’m glad you’ve told those faggy wankers to fuck off and stop being so damn faggy - what do they want marriage for, anyway? Marriage is about women having children and being barefoot in the kitchen, just as we neocons like them. Those fags and dykes can’t adopt or use IVF anyway, only convicted felons deserve that right. If they’re not going to have children, what’s the point in marrying? Once we get all those infertile or childless hetero couples to divorce we’ll really prove our point. It’s a pity those damn internationalist charities are often so opposed to ideas like this one. Reviewing and regulating the funding of these not-for-profit organisation is the best decesion that softy Treasurer of yours ever made. I wouldn’t normally trust a man whose brother was an Aboriginal Rights Activist, but Costello really proved he was on the money when he pointed out that tax cuts for the rich were obviously the only way to economic sustainability. Once you’ve auctioned off the rest of Telstra and every other public service you’ll be puzzled about what to do with all the people’s money anyway.
Maybe we could use it to make Kmart flags unburnable so those pesky protestors won’t have anything to do when we join Bush on his next pursuit of peace and justice - that’s the great thing about wars, it seems the more you have the cheaper they get. Hitler’s economy is just one great example of such. We should start learning some more lessons from that powerful leader, like, convincing people the really meaning of patriotism is 'just don’t ask questions'. It’s about time people realised they elect a government as a master, not as a servant. What do they think this is - democracy? So, thanks, John. Thanks for letting corporate leadership finally rule in Australia. It didn’t happen overnight, John, but it did happen.
Yours sincerely,
Rupert Murdoch.
NB: Yes, I stole the 'Dear John' concept from Philip Adams.
I've been meaning to write to you for a while. I'd just like to express, as a faithful neocon myself, (some call us fascists, but they just don't understand), that your government has done wonderful things for our minority, and at the same time fooling the majority that you have their 'interests' at heart. You’ve even bred xenophobia - what more could we ask for? I'll tell you what, this stuff is great for business. Focusing the minds of people on issues that don't matter - it's how modern capitalism fuctions. The economy is the strongest it's ever been - and when you get rid of the competition we'll be pulling in even bigger bucks. It's about time somebody had the guts to tell those bloody Aboriginals and dole bludgers to piss off and find a job. The paternal policies of Protection are obviously the best we can return to after those bloody Tasmanians were the only ones who took genocide as far as it should have gone. Speaking of genocide, your administration’s attempted murder of that horrible liberal media institution that is the ABC was a great effort. If it wasn't for those damn communists I'm sure Richard Alston would have been more successful, but those good-guys at Channel 9 did their best and really got his message across anyhow.
They were also really effective in neglecting to bring to light the fact that Tony Abbott established a 'Foundation For Honest Politics' to shove that nice woman Pauline Hanson in jail (it's a pity she was blinded by that anti-globalisation mumbo jumbo). And then proceeded to say Pauline's treatment was harsh, and also refused to expose where the money for the establishment of this wonderful foundation came from. Hehe, 'Honest Politics'. For your sake, I'm glad most people don't understand what an 'oxymoron' is. It's a pity you weren't successful in your underground appeal to bring back capital punishment, because that Pauline Hanson could have ended up a martyr (it's about time racism was brought out into the open), much like that fellow Amrozi will to those stupid slanty-eyed Indonesians. I mean, they hate us because we've exploited the people of East Timor and stolen their oil profits, but does it really matter if a soldier kicks a dead body? Your friend Dubya's grandfather stole a whole corpse out of a grave and nobody cared about that! I hope, after you succeed in making universities private and solely for the rich elite, that we can have secret societies that disrespect the elders of our nation's original inhabitants. Then, just like in that wonderful nation the USA, all you’ll need is C grades and father with a specific surname to join up for education.
Your pal Brendan Nelson's argument that 'people who have never set foot in a university are paying for others to attend' is really a wonderful multi-purpose one that could be applied to everything and anything at will. I hope soon we start saying 'people who don't even have children are paying for kids to go to school' and 'people who never get sick are paying for other people's medical care', because with all the money we have to spend on defending the homeland from the invasion of the imminent terrorist threat which has been around for two years, we won't have any left for unnecessary things like education and health. You've managed to convince the people they need to pay for health and education themselves whilst taxing half their income. Could you be any more cunning? The people of Australia now understand that defence comes above intelligence and wellbeing - they understand that the only good Arab or Muslim is a ‘liberated’ one whose government is chosen by an imperialist beast and instituted by a peace-loving force. I’m glad they also understand your complicated argument that the people of Afghanistan and Iraq need our support, and that collateral damage is unfortunately a necessary part of bombing those WMD sites which, every time without fail, have unfortunately proved to be something else like a power or water supplier. And they probably believe the Iraqi's own the oil fields now (Tee hee, the power of the media!). Obviously the Afghani’s and Iraqi’s that miss our well-aimed missiles are not, by any circumstances, allowed to risk their life and jump on a leaky, dangerous boat as a last resort to freedom - that’s just simply a case of jumping a queue that you’d have us believe actually exists. Besides, locking them up and stacking them on top of one another is far too good for the economy. ACM are making a goldmine, and obviously, as a neocon party, you’ve got to make all your policies favourable to corporate crims who will donate a few bucks at election time so you can use the money to take your wife on a trip to Rome.
Speaking of marriage, I’m glad you’ve told those faggy wankers to fuck off and stop being so damn faggy - what do they want marriage for, anyway? Marriage is about women having children and being barefoot in the kitchen, just as we neocons like them. Those fags and dykes can’t adopt or use IVF anyway, only convicted felons deserve that right. If they’re not going to have children, what’s the point in marrying? Once we get all those infertile or childless hetero couples to divorce we’ll really prove our point. It’s a pity those damn internationalist charities are often so opposed to ideas like this one. Reviewing and regulating the funding of these not-for-profit organisation is the best decesion that softy Treasurer of yours ever made. I wouldn’t normally trust a man whose brother was an Aboriginal Rights Activist, but Costello really proved he was on the money when he pointed out that tax cuts for the rich were obviously the only way to economic sustainability. Once you’ve auctioned off the rest of Telstra and every other public service you’ll be puzzled about what to do with all the people’s money anyway.
Maybe we could use it to make Kmart flags unburnable so those pesky protestors won’t have anything to do when we join Bush on his next pursuit of peace and justice - that’s the great thing about wars, it seems the more you have the cheaper they get. Hitler’s economy is just one great example of such. We should start learning some more lessons from that powerful leader, like, convincing people the really meaning of patriotism is 'just don’t ask questions'. It’s about time people realised they elect a government as a master, not as a servant. What do they think this is - democracy? So, thanks, John. Thanks for letting corporate leadership finally rule in Australia. It didn’t happen overnight, John, but it did happen.
Yours sincerely,
Rupert Murdoch.
NB: Yes, I stole the 'Dear John' concept from Philip Adams.