(no subject)
The Top Ten Things That Annoy Me About Other Drivers:
10. Drivers who yield the right-of-way. Usually causes multiple car wrecks because both people end up going at the same time, illustrating the caliber of morons who can actually attain driver's licenses.
9. Rice rockets whose engines and/or mufflers make noise equal to twice the legal limit. Often driven by overly metrosexual young men sporting enough cologne to suffocate small birds. I know. I hit one once.
8. People who blast their sound systems with crap music, usually rap. Rap, for the most part, is not good music. Turn that shit off.
7. Stupid people who spend thousands of dollars on rims. Your sex appeal is not increased with the size of your wheels. You might be able to better spend that money by buying your food with actual cash, rather than food stamps. Dumbass. Also, in most cases, your rims are worth more than your car. What the hell's up with that?? That's like taking a picture of a turd during a sunset.
6. Soccer moms. One hand on the cell phone, one hand feeding the screaming kid in the backseat, one eye on the kid in the front seat, who shouldn't be there in the first place, one eye fixing the hair and checking up on the makeup. This leaves zero eyes on the road, and it's obvious.
5. Old People. Is there a law somewhere stating that if a person is over the age of seventy, they must sit three inches from the windshield wearing oversized blind-person glasses while blocking the road in a car bigger than most apartments going slower than a three-toed sloth with chronic fatigue??
4. Drivers who think they can't fit into large, elephant-sized parking spaces. I've fit into spaces driving an SUV that I've seen Pintos pass up. Pintos are like toilets on wheels. You could probably park it in a closet if you tried hard enough. Come on, man. You're not driving a semi.
3. Motorcycles. You see all these bumper stickers saying "Look twice, blah, blah, blah" and so on and so forth. Perhaps less motorcycle deaths would occur if most riders didn't think they were Jeff Gordon on two wheels. If you try to fit in a space between me and the car in front of me approximately two inches wide at eighty miles per hour, you can be damn sure you've got a bullseye on your ass in my eyes.
2. UWF service vehicles. Am I the only one who's noticed that they all go five miles per hour under the speed limit everywhere they go, unless they're on the service road, where they go five miles an hour period?? And then stop to groom shrubs?? Jesus.
1. And the number one thing, you ask?? People who misuse their turn signals. They come in two varieties: those who use them and leave them on (AKA "the idiot light") and those who don't use them at all. How can you not hear the noise it makes when it's on?? It's hard not to notice!! I'm assuming here that everyone else's turn signals sound like mine..."baap, baap, baap" like a goat stuck in an electric fence. Don't cut me off either. Are these people aware that there are other people on the road, that they can't just mosey on over into the other lane when they feel like it?? It is my life goal to one day shoot someone who does this to me. Seriously. Okay, not really. Maybe.
10. Drivers who yield the right-of-way. Usually causes multiple car wrecks because both people end up going at the same time, illustrating the caliber of morons who can actually attain driver's licenses.
9. Rice rockets whose engines and/or mufflers make noise equal to twice the legal limit. Often driven by overly metrosexual young men sporting enough cologne to suffocate small birds. I know. I hit one once.
8. People who blast their sound systems with crap music, usually rap. Rap, for the most part, is not good music. Turn that shit off.
7. Stupid people who spend thousands of dollars on rims. Your sex appeal is not increased with the size of your wheels. You might be able to better spend that money by buying your food with actual cash, rather than food stamps. Dumbass. Also, in most cases, your rims are worth more than your car. What the hell's up with that?? That's like taking a picture of a turd during a sunset.
6. Soccer moms. One hand on the cell phone, one hand feeding the screaming kid in the backseat, one eye on the kid in the front seat, who shouldn't be there in the first place, one eye fixing the hair and checking up on the makeup. This leaves zero eyes on the road, and it's obvious.
5. Old People. Is there a law somewhere stating that if a person is over the age of seventy, they must sit three inches from the windshield wearing oversized blind-person glasses while blocking the road in a car bigger than most apartments going slower than a three-toed sloth with chronic fatigue??
4. Drivers who think they can't fit into large, elephant-sized parking spaces. I've fit into spaces driving an SUV that I've seen Pintos pass up. Pintos are like toilets on wheels. You could probably park it in a closet if you tried hard enough. Come on, man. You're not driving a semi.
3. Motorcycles. You see all these bumper stickers saying "Look twice, blah, blah, blah" and so on and so forth. Perhaps less motorcycle deaths would occur if most riders didn't think they were Jeff Gordon on two wheels. If you try to fit in a space between me and the car in front of me approximately two inches wide at eighty miles per hour, you can be damn sure you've got a bullseye on your ass in my eyes.
2. UWF service vehicles. Am I the only one who's noticed that they all go five miles per hour under the speed limit everywhere they go, unless they're on the service road, where they go five miles an hour period?? And then stop to groom shrubs?? Jesus.
1. And the number one thing, you ask?? People who misuse their turn signals. They come in two varieties: those who use them and leave them on (AKA "the idiot light") and those who don't use them at all. How can you not hear the noise it makes when it's on?? It's hard not to notice!! I'm assuming here that everyone else's turn signals sound like mine..."baap, baap, baap" like a goat stuck in an electric fence. Don't cut me off either. Are these people aware that there are other people on the road, that they can't just mosey on over into the other lane when they feel like it?? It is my life goal to one day shoot someone who does this to me. Seriously. Okay, not really. Maybe.