(no subject)
so do you ever bump into someone significant from your past and end up having a bit of an awkward moment?? yeah, so there's this girl named amy that i dated, maybe four, five years ago, like my sophomore or junior year of high school. we dated for about two months, and then i ended things, largely for no reason, which i swear is a common theme in my life: i have something going well, and then i manage to screw it up, mostly on my own. she was beautiful, intelligent, a christian, SGA class president, FCA member...hell, she even ran. and i went and got scared for no reason, which is what happens in 90% of my relationships, and she was heartbroken. she cried for like three days, and for one of the few times in my life i felt like an asshole.
well anyway, i ran into her outside the lab just now, and we had the ho-hum how are things conversation, and after that, just didn't really know what to talk about. i made some sort of half-ass lame invitation to call me and we'd go out for dinner or something but we and everyone else who's ever used that line knew that i was crap. and it got me wondering how and why i do things like that. it seems like sometimes...well okay, it doesn't seem like, i know it's like...that all i want right now is someone to talk to about anything, to just lay with and talk to for hours, but then every time i get that chance i worry that i could do better, for want of a better phrase, and i get scared.
i need to stop doing that.
well anyway, i ran into her outside the lab just now, and we had the ho-hum how are things conversation, and after that, just didn't really know what to talk about. i made some sort of half-ass lame invitation to call me and we'd go out for dinner or something but we and everyone else who's ever used that line knew that i was crap. and it got me wondering how and why i do things like that. it seems like sometimes...well okay, it doesn't seem like, i know it's like...that all i want right now is someone to talk to about anything, to just lay with and talk to for hours, but then every time i get that chance i worry that i could do better, for want of a better phrase, and i get scared.
i need to stop doing that.