(no subject)
Conversations at work:
After I growl/scowl/glare at one of our grocery managers
Grocery manager: You sure are grumpy.
Me: Yup. Didn't they tell you that shit at your orientation?
Coworker: They told me
Grocery manager: *dumbfounded look*
Me: *goes back to unloading truck*
Female coworker is blabbing on about something I don't care about.
Me: Your lips are moving, but all I hear is "blah, blah, blah 'I'm a dirty whore'."
Same female coworker talking.
Me: Mike, do you hear something? Mike: No.
Me: Hmmm... I hear dogs barking.
Mike: Oh, that.
not at work, but talking to my manager who's wife is pregnant after we see Clerks II
Me: Dude, that pregnant chick is hot.
Mike: Hell yea man, pregnant chicks are hot.
we both look at our manager, wondering how much trouble we're in now
Manager: Hell yeah they are
collective sigh of relief
Mike: I told the old peperidge farm guy what an "angry pirate" is.
Manager: WHAT?
my manager looks terrified
Mike: Yeah, he was explaining to me what rodeo sex is.
Manager: What's that?
Me: That's when you're fucking a chick from behind and you tell her you have an STD and you have to see how long you can hold on.
Mike: Did I ever tell you about the time I got shot at?
Me: WHAT?
Mike: Yeah, I got shot at while cow tipping once.
Me: Dude, that's the best way to start a story ever.
After I growl/scowl/glare at one of our grocery managers
Grocery manager: You sure are grumpy.
Me: Yup. Didn't they tell you that shit at your orientation?
Coworker: They told me
Grocery manager: *dumbfounded look*
Me: *goes back to unloading truck*
Female coworker is blabbing on about something I don't care about.
Me: Your lips are moving, but all I hear is "blah, blah, blah 'I'm a dirty whore'."
Same female coworker talking.
Me: Mike, do you hear something? Mike: No.
Me: Hmmm... I hear dogs barking.
Mike: Oh, that.
not at work, but talking to my manager who's wife is pregnant after we see Clerks II
Me: Dude, that pregnant chick is hot.
Mike: Hell yea man, pregnant chicks are hot.
we both look at our manager, wondering how much trouble we're in now
Manager: Hell yeah they are
collective sigh of relief
Mike: I told the old peperidge farm guy what an "angry pirate" is.
Manager: WHAT?
my manager looks terrified
Mike: Yeah, he was explaining to me what rodeo sex is.
Manager: What's that?
Me: That's when you're fucking a chick from behind and you tell her you have an STD and you have to see how long you can hold on.
Mike: Did I ever tell you about the time I got shot at?
Me: WHAT?
Mike: Yeah, I got shot at while cow tipping once.
Me: Dude, that's the best way to start a story ever.