Minor fall, major lift.
Today, I saw a 6 month old Great Dane get hit by a car. I can't explain how devastating that is. I don't care if it stood up after, I just want to go hug her and punch her owner in the face. And this is why Frank and I aren't getting a puppy yet, regardless of how bad we want to.
Today, I continued to freak out over Frank and how wonderful it all is. I feel like I'm going to fuck it up. It's so hard to get used to him, I'm still not. My head is a mess, I should learn how to just talk to him about everything, even the things that make me sad and have nothing to do with him. I just want to tell him that I think he's perfect and that I love him, but all of my insecurities come pouring in and I feel like I'm not good enough, even though he has never, ever once made me feel like anything less than wonderful. Sometimes I wonder if this is all real or if it's just my head making shit up. I don't know. It's almost 3am and maybe I'm just overtired.
Maybe losing Mike is still weighing heavily. Maybe it's just been a terrible week. Maybe I'm a terrible person. Maybe I'm just always in my head too much or maybe I'm not in it enough. It's nice to hear people at the club tell me that I'm a positive asset. It's pretty cool to know I'm playing with an awesome band soon.
I miss being really passionate about something. I miss being really good at something. I wish I didn't sleep all the time, but still always be tired. I don't know what's going on with me. I know that right now, I really miss Frank and I'm sad. Or tired, but I miss Frank. I keep reflecting on old shit and I don't know why. I just need to go to bed.
Today, I continued to freak out over Frank and how wonderful it all is. I feel like I'm going to fuck it up. It's so hard to get used to him, I'm still not. My head is a mess, I should learn how to just talk to him about everything, even the things that make me sad and have nothing to do with him. I just want to tell him that I think he's perfect and that I love him, but all of my insecurities come pouring in and I feel like I'm not good enough, even though he has never, ever once made me feel like anything less than wonderful. Sometimes I wonder if this is all real or if it's just my head making shit up. I don't know. It's almost 3am and maybe I'm just overtired.
Maybe losing Mike is still weighing heavily. Maybe it's just been a terrible week. Maybe I'm a terrible person. Maybe I'm just always in my head too much or maybe I'm not in it enough. It's nice to hear people at the club tell me that I'm a positive asset. It's pretty cool to know I'm playing with an awesome band soon.
I miss being really passionate about something. I miss being really good at something. I wish I didn't sleep all the time, but still always be tired. I don't know what's going on with me. I know that right now, I really miss Frank and I'm sad. Or tired, but I miss Frank. I keep reflecting on old shit and I don't know why. I just need to go to bed.