horrible,
this 24 hrs have probally been the hardest of my life so far... and I need to write it...
yesterday started off good... I went down to children's hospital and did my internship. I watched pediatric oncology patients getting procedures done (getting spinal fluid drained, bone marrow aspirations and injections of spinal chemo). I got in a fight with the voulenteer lady at the place where you get your parking validated though. oh well... it's actually hard for me to realize that that was even part of yesterday, because it just feels like it was another day...
I got home and I told Sarah to come over and we'd finish rent. (we started watching my new good dvd bootleg on thursday night, because Sarah was really upset, and it always makes us feel better). she came over and we were getting ready to watch it and eat ice cream.. I knew the mail was comming soon, so we went outside to see if it had been on the other side of the street... sure enough, it had. so we looked and it was about 5 houses down... as it started to get closer, I could see the mail lady and she was nodding and I was like "Sarah... oh my gosh, it's here... she's nodding" (the mail lady knows me well after seeing me every day at the box waiting for that darn letter. and she drove up and held it out and it was a small envalope "oh crap... Sarah, it's a small envalope... it's a no...." I just knew... but Sarah was like "well my Tulane acceptance letter came in a small envalope so you don't know..." I grabbed it and took a deep breath and opened it.....
and thats when the tears came... I'll type it out here, since everyone has been asking me what it said..
Dear Allison:
Our office has now compleated its evaluation of the Early Decision II applicant pool, and it is with regret that I write with the news that we cannot offer you admission to the Class of 2010. We are honored by your intrest in Vanderbilt, and are aware of the time, thought and effort that you put into the application process. I want you to know that we read your file with great care and thoroughness, seeking to know you from others who wrote on your behalf, as well as from what you said about yourself. It is painful to us that we cannot take all of those who wish to join is in the four years that lie ahead.
Our applications for Early Decision rose this year by twenty-two percent, and virtually every applicant whom we were unable to take would have succeeded well with us. I wish it had been possible to offer you one of those chances, but I take some comfort in knowing that you will have a very fulfilling college career elsewhere, and that the school you choose will benefit from your being there.
On behalf of all of us here at Vanderbilt, I wish you every success in your college career. If, in the future, I can be of any service to you, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
William M. Shain
Dean of Undergraduate Admissions
after I first got it, I didn't even read all the way through. I couldn't... my eyes just scanned the paper until I found "regret" and it all went down hill from there. Sarah was holding me, and I just started sobbing... I walked in my house and hugged my mom... then I had to let the about 20 people that were wondering know...some right away, others I waited a few hours until I was more alive, and not sobbing compleatly.
my plan of action was quickly thrown away, seeing as the way he worded that letter it was like he was telling me you can never come to our school, so don't try. I think it's very clear, that I at least won't get in this year... and that's hard. my heart shattered. part of me died. I knew all along it was out of my reach... I am not smart enough for their school... I always knew that... but I guess I was just holding out hope that I could possibly get in anyways. I know I don't want to go anywhere else... my death sentance was given though, and there was no way around it to life, so therefore I need to start applying to other places. I decided I either want to be in Tennessee, or maybe New York for a year. I figured hey, well if I'm going to go somewhere for a year and then transfer, then I might as well go somewhere fun and exciting and get to experience somewhere else...
I have requested information from about 8 schools, some in upstate NY and some in TN (one application is all ready to set out, it was my 2nd choice originally, but I'm not so sure I want to go there, still.) oh and 2 from NYC but my mom says I CAN NOT go there... so maybe I'll apply and then if I get in we can see ;) ) I should get information soon, and then I have to start requesting more teacher recomendations... that's the hard part since I already used 3 for Vandy. I also have to pay $7 for ACT scores to get sent to each school. oh and not to mention my dad probally will not like the idea of me being in NY haha, but I don't want to be in CA and there's nowhere else exciting, I'd rather go.. it's either TN or NY. (my mom has even decided if I go to a school in TN and I don't go to Costa Rica, then maybe I can go to NY for a grad present, and experience broadway and the life cafe and alphabet city :o) )
sounds like I'm okay with it all, I guess in a way I am, but every time I think that I am not going to be at Vandy, I start crying...
so that's my life... right now its not fun. honestly, the fact that I met Anthony and Tracie is what's getting me through. that and the amazing friends that I have... anyways, I'm tired of crying... and I'm going to go listen to rent NYTW and Anthony's cd, and hope that makes me feel better...
<3
Ally