...like gospel hymns that you called in the air...
well well well, we've all made it through another year...yay! another thing that's a little hard to believe: i actually managed to complete my end-of-the-year survey (relatively) on time.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
almost in chronological order:
fly back to socal for chinese new year!, naked girls reading, mountain bike trail riding on bainbridge island, incomplete stop at a red light traffic infraction ticket, lived with 8 total cats! all under one roof at the same time, filed my taxes on my own (omfg only took 4 tries), queer mixer, trained for and attempted my mount rainier summit goal but that lead to -> my patellofemoral pain syndrome diagnosis, “moderate” depression diagnosis, yummy antidepressants, partial loan deferments, painted a room by myself, kripalu yoga, changed my own tubes on my bike, in charge of hiring and firing process, mostly responsible for closing down mj feet, filed for and lived off unemployment benefits for over 3 months, learned to drive stick shift, teaching myself to read and speak basic vietnamese, went to safeco field and watched the mariners lose to the angels, weeding, rode with the naked bicyclists at the fremont solstice parade, exploring my queer identity, walked with bglad + logger pride at seattle’s pride parade, roadtrip to spokane/thru idaho/western montana/glacier national park with megan, cracker barrel, tried bison and elk meat, mowed a lawn, went to the ER and got a CT scan when i fell off my bike and ate dirt, restaurant job, wine tasting + staycation in lake chelan, worked 57+ hour weeks (because when it rains, it pours), picked out awesome dog at pound, washed awesome dog, transmission work, adult cpr and aed training, character reference on my bulimic friend’s behalf in front of honor court, started a budget in order to track my income and expenses, my own business cards + benefits + paid vacation time available at my first big kid job, visited ca state capitol, crammed in a hotel room with seven other individuals, wore a tuxedo.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
yes, i felt a renewed sense of trust in people mainly because i surrounded myself with people i wanted to be around. in a way, that made for a content dana. i kept reminding myself to put myself first, to take better care of myself, but also being appreciative of the people and resources around me that were supportive of that movement. it was difficult at times but i kept chugging along even after various road bumps throughout the year (ie unemployment, knee problem, healthy mindset, etc).
i found it possible to find peace with issues in my life, they didn’t need immediate reconciliation or acknowledgment from any other person or group. in the end, i only have myself to live with. i’m proud of myself, my approaches, recognizing and beginning to overcome many of my long harbored fears and insecurities, and that i was able to tie up loose ends with certain individuals from the past.
now that i know where i stand again, i look forward to meeting new friends in 2011 without compromising what i’ve gained from this year. i tried my hardest with the rainier summit and the vietnam trip just didn’t pan out but that is at the top of my list for next year. a trip down to mozambique was on the table but i’m afraid the logistics won’t work out, at least for next year. if i can find the time, i’d like to finally get my scuba diving certification under my belt. i really need to cut down on how much i spend when i go out. i’ve also been thinking about moving out of ballard, but where to next? if not in 2011, for sure by 2012. i want to see my mama and my family more often and i want to explore new territorities.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
natalie! - to paul and laurel
nate! - to colleen and greg
4. Did anyone close to you die?
close call, but thankfully no. let’s keep it that way folks.
5. What countries did you visit?
vancouver bc, only went down to socal once :( , lake chelan, montana roadtrip (spokane, coeur d’alene, kalispell, missoula, glacier), san fran/sacramento.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
more people i can trust, new faces, familiar faces, more mama time. i made enough comfortable interpersonal connections in 2010, i’d like to keep that up for next year. i’d also like a less self-isolating living environment for 2011, perhaps, but it has treated me well so far and i will never complain; i am in no rush. more disposable income, less problems to stress over.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?
all of my days and weeks bled together this year it seemed, from being unemployed and being a complete bum and disregarding the concept of time to pouring myself into two jobs that seemed to have simultaneously land in my lap (which in all actuality did happen that way) as i reached a new low point in my life. very stark contrast from the start of this year to the very end. so no specific dates, only memorable events that marked my months this year: closing down mj feet, road trip to montana and glacier national park, lake chelan, thanksgiving, fremont solstice parade, seeing brandi carlile live with the seattle symphony, gregory alan isakov show, and so much more.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
1.) still breathing
2.) working hard each and every day to make my life work for me, being comfortable with myself
3.) being mindful, focusing intently on truly taking care of myself and constantly re-evaluating my needs as they changed over time
9. What was your biggest failure?
1.) spending more money than i should
2.) only visiting my family once
3.) taking forever to write my response letters to my pen pals
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
official diagnosis’ of the depression and the knee issues, minor brain bruising from my biggest bike spill to date, no big deal.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
honestly, the CT scan because that gave me some “piece” of mind, har har.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
tj, for very obvious reasons. sometimes, my mom surprises me with her very accepting comments and that warms my heart. good friends sticking by my side.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
ugh the epic fail we have all come to know as the infamous bp oil spill. the gay youth suicides that popped up nationwide. my mom’s disappointing stories about my dad and his spending habits etc. self-destructive behaviors exhibited by certain friends.
14. Where did most of your money go?
well, let’s just have a look at my spiffy budget that i created two months ago…
going out for food and drinks ahh!, a CT scan, beefing up my skinny bank account, car repairs, travel expenses.
oh and of course, and my student loans. and that answer really isn’t going anywhere until i turn 65, at least.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
selling my sasquatch weekend tickets and making a $400 profit fuck yeah, flying back south for chinese new year, montana roadtrip, landing two jobs within days of each other while unemployment rates sat at 9% in the state, promotions, seeing alicia while visiting the bay area.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
most anything by isakov. stupid katy perry songs.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? ohh happier, most def.
ii. thinner or fatter? i never know how much i weigh but i answer this question based on my accessibility to nutritious food so i would have to say fatter. not by much but i was better able to maximize available resources this time around instead of just diving into dumpsters.
iii. richer or poorer? maybe actually richer, financially speaking, since i now have two jobs? lots more debt though, never had as many creditors as i have now.
iv. more established? more. in recent days over the course of the past few weeks, i wake up feeling very content with my life and satisfied with my day to day. i like the feeling of a stable life.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
for the most part, all year long, i feel as if i conducted myself the way i should’ve. i would have liked to explore and travel more, to see more of the world around me but i felt good about letting everything happen in due time and constantly reminding myself that there is no deadline, i don’t have to reach any particular state of being at any given point in time. everything happens for a reason, and i learned from every situation. i don’t regret anything from this year.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
frivolous spending.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
mostly alone. i went down for a mini hike at seward park, thought about cleaning my room/doing laundry, cooked a delicious garlic balsamic chicken + portobello pasta dinner for myself, and then drove 3 hours down to hang out with alicia in portland.
i just noticed question 21 is missing…?
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
only with the world around me, with everyone and everything i chose to love and surround myself.
23. How many one-night stands?
in a sexual manner, still zero.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
aside from mad men and the rachel maddow, there was nothing new.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i can not and will not hate.
26. What was the best book you read?
apparently danette read this two years prior but i really enjoyed the glass castle by jeanette walls, among others.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
gregory alan isakov. patrick park. sslyby. beirut really grew on me. the seattle symphony was bombtastic. just to name a few.
28. What did you want and get?
to be alone. regain my sense of stability and order and rationality and strength and and and…! to explore, and better understand myself, and most aspects of my own unique identity.
29. What did you want and not get?
to visit my mom and socal more than once :( summit mount rainier.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
i know it’s not a film but i finally got to see the laramie project play. get low. black swan.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 23 on a wet gloomy day; i remember waking up, eating a bowl of honey bunches of oats with almonds and soymilk, brushed my teeth, moved some boxes for tj, cleaned up the mess from the previous day’s naked bike ride extravaganza, took a ~3hr nap, woke up and biked to cafe fiore where jaybird bought me coffee and we played scrabble and i let her win, breakfast for dinner party complete with pj apparel, and then we all went to see patrick park and gregory alan isakov play at the tractor. after the show, he gave me his setlist. just another ordinary day in my ordinary life.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
no such thing; this year was everything it was meant to be. i feel like a broken record saying this at the end of every year, but i did learn a lot about myself this year. i guess there are worse problems to have. i'm happy with the way i've grown through 2010.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
haha. mostly the same stuff i’ve been wearing since college ugh. i found this second hand sweater vest and it became my most beloved article of clothing for 2010. i need new clothes! but absolutely no more plaid/flannel/collared shirts.
34. What kept you sane?
bowling, biking, hiking, writing, reading, getting out of seattle when i needed to, tiny pills, working, my bed in my room.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
just watch and read:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3bRPHPQsOs
http://everyoneisgay.com/
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the repeal of don’t ask, don’t tell; the bp oil spill; not passing the wa income tax whilst repealing the junk food tax; deep bore tunnel.
37. Who did you miss?
me. you. him and her. and others, always, of course.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
i already knew some folks, like elizabeth and megan from scs, but its always good to reconnect; whizzbee!, megan, chelsea, drew + michelle, lacey + rob, bk, “robert earl”, morgann, alisha, ashley, bill, colin, leanne, lars, kristin, and so many more.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
“the grass is always greener on the other side…but you still have to mow it”
“stop trying to push water uphill”
“stop being so hard on yourself”
- megan
"happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive. inner peace does not." - eckhart tolle
"in three words i can sum up everything i've learned about life: it goes on." - robert frost
"holistic" was a good key word that i added to my bag-o-good-terms this year.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
i’ve been crazy, couldn’t you tell?
i threw stones at the stars but the whole sky fell.
now i’m covered up in straw, belly up on the table.
well i drank and sang, and i passed in the stable.
that tall grass grows high and brown
well i dragged you straight in the muddy ground.
and you sent me back to where i roam
well i cursed and i cried but now i know…
oh, now i know.
and i ran back to that hollow again.
the moon was just a sliver back then.
and i ached for my heart like some tin man
when it came, oh it beat and it boiled and it rang…
oh, it’s ringing.
ring like crazy, ring like hell.
turn me back into that wild-haired gale.
ring like silver, ring like gold.
turn these diamonds straight back into coal.
turn these diamonds straight back into coal.
gregory alan isakov - the stable song
happy 2011 everyone! "let's hope it's a good one, without any fear..." hear, hear!
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
almost in chronological order:
fly back to socal for chinese new year!, naked girls reading, mountain bike trail riding on bainbridge island, incomplete stop at a red light traffic infraction ticket, lived with 8 total cats! all under one roof at the same time, filed my taxes on my own (omfg only took 4 tries), queer mixer, trained for and attempted my mount rainier summit goal but that lead to -> my patellofemoral pain syndrome diagnosis, “moderate” depression diagnosis, yummy antidepressants, partial loan deferments, painted a room by myself, kripalu yoga, changed my own tubes on my bike, in charge of hiring and firing process, mostly responsible for closing down mj feet, filed for and lived off unemployment benefits for over 3 months, learned to drive stick shift, teaching myself to read and speak basic vietnamese, went to safeco field and watched the mariners lose to the angels, weeding, rode with the naked bicyclists at the fremont solstice parade, exploring my queer identity, walked with bglad + logger pride at seattle’s pride parade, roadtrip to spokane/thru idaho/western montana/glacier national park with megan, cracker barrel, tried bison and elk meat, mowed a lawn, went to the ER and got a CT scan when i fell off my bike and ate dirt, restaurant job, wine tasting + staycation in lake chelan, worked 57+ hour weeks (because when it rains, it pours), picked out awesome dog at pound, washed awesome dog, transmission work, adult cpr and aed training, character reference on my bulimic friend’s behalf in front of honor court, started a budget in order to track my income and expenses, my own business cards + benefits + paid vacation time available at my first big kid job, visited ca state capitol, crammed in a hotel room with seven other individuals, wore a tuxedo.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
yes, i felt a renewed sense of trust in people mainly because i surrounded myself with people i wanted to be around. in a way, that made for a content dana. i kept reminding myself to put myself first, to take better care of myself, but also being appreciative of the people and resources around me that were supportive of that movement. it was difficult at times but i kept chugging along even after various road bumps throughout the year (ie unemployment, knee problem, healthy mindset, etc).
i found it possible to find peace with issues in my life, they didn’t need immediate reconciliation or acknowledgment from any other person or group. in the end, i only have myself to live with. i’m proud of myself, my approaches, recognizing and beginning to overcome many of my long harbored fears and insecurities, and that i was able to tie up loose ends with certain individuals from the past.
now that i know where i stand again, i look forward to meeting new friends in 2011 without compromising what i’ve gained from this year. i tried my hardest with the rainier summit and the vietnam trip just didn’t pan out but that is at the top of my list for next year. a trip down to mozambique was on the table but i’m afraid the logistics won’t work out, at least for next year. if i can find the time, i’d like to finally get my scuba diving certification under my belt. i really need to cut down on how much i spend when i go out. i’ve also been thinking about moving out of ballard, but where to next? if not in 2011, for sure by 2012. i want to see my mama and my family more often and i want to explore new territorities.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
natalie! - to paul and laurel
nate! - to colleen and greg
4. Did anyone close to you die?
close call, but thankfully no. let’s keep it that way folks.
5. What countries did you visit?
vancouver bc, only went down to socal once :( , lake chelan, montana roadtrip (spokane, coeur d’alene, kalispell, missoula, glacier), san fran/sacramento.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
more people i can trust, new faces, familiar faces, more mama time. i made enough comfortable interpersonal connections in 2010, i’d like to keep that up for next year. i’d also like a less self-isolating living environment for 2011, perhaps, but it has treated me well so far and i will never complain; i am in no rush. more disposable income, less problems to stress over.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?
all of my days and weeks bled together this year it seemed, from being unemployed and being a complete bum and disregarding the concept of time to pouring myself into two jobs that seemed to have simultaneously land in my lap (which in all actuality did happen that way) as i reached a new low point in my life. very stark contrast from the start of this year to the very end. so no specific dates, only memorable events that marked my months this year: closing down mj feet, road trip to montana and glacier national park, lake chelan, thanksgiving, fremont solstice parade, seeing brandi carlile live with the seattle symphony, gregory alan isakov show, and so much more.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
1.) still breathing
2.) working hard each and every day to make my life work for me, being comfortable with myself
3.) being mindful, focusing intently on truly taking care of myself and constantly re-evaluating my needs as they changed over time
9. What was your biggest failure?
1.) spending more money than i should
2.) only visiting my family once
3.) taking forever to write my response letters to my pen pals
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
official diagnosis’ of the depression and the knee issues, minor brain bruising from my biggest bike spill to date, no big deal.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
honestly, the CT scan because that gave me some “piece” of mind, har har.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
tj, for very obvious reasons. sometimes, my mom surprises me with her very accepting comments and that warms my heart. good friends sticking by my side.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
ugh the epic fail we have all come to know as the infamous bp oil spill. the gay youth suicides that popped up nationwide. my mom’s disappointing stories about my dad and his spending habits etc. self-destructive behaviors exhibited by certain friends.
14. Where did most of your money go?
well, let’s just have a look at my spiffy budget that i created two months ago…
going out for food and drinks ahh!, a CT scan, beefing up my skinny bank account, car repairs, travel expenses.
oh and of course, and my student loans. and that answer really isn’t going anywhere until i turn 65, at least.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
selling my sasquatch weekend tickets and making a $400 profit fuck yeah, flying back south for chinese new year, montana roadtrip, landing two jobs within days of each other while unemployment rates sat at 9% in the state, promotions, seeing alicia while visiting the bay area.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
most anything by isakov. stupid katy perry songs.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? ohh happier, most def.
ii. thinner or fatter? i never know how much i weigh but i answer this question based on my accessibility to nutritious food so i would have to say fatter. not by much but i was better able to maximize available resources this time around instead of just diving into dumpsters.
iii. richer or poorer? maybe actually richer, financially speaking, since i now have two jobs? lots more debt though, never had as many creditors as i have now.
iv. more established? more. in recent days over the course of the past few weeks, i wake up feeling very content with my life and satisfied with my day to day. i like the feeling of a stable life.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
for the most part, all year long, i feel as if i conducted myself the way i should’ve. i would have liked to explore and travel more, to see more of the world around me but i felt good about letting everything happen in due time and constantly reminding myself that there is no deadline, i don’t have to reach any particular state of being at any given point in time. everything happens for a reason, and i learned from every situation. i don’t regret anything from this year.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
frivolous spending.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
mostly alone. i went down for a mini hike at seward park, thought about cleaning my room/doing laundry, cooked a delicious garlic balsamic chicken + portobello pasta dinner for myself, and then drove 3 hours down to hang out with alicia in portland.
i just noticed question 21 is missing…?
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
only with the world around me, with everyone and everything i chose to love and surround myself.
23. How many one-night stands?
in a sexual manner, still zero.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
aside from mad men and the rachel maddow, there was nothing new.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i can not and will not hate.
26. What was the best book you read?
apparently danette read this two years prior but i really enjoyed the glass castle by jeanette walls, among others.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
gregory alan isakov. patrick park. sslyby. beirut really grew on me. the seattle symphony was bombtastic. just to name a few.
28. What did you want and get?
to be alone. regain my sense of stability and order and rationality and strength and and and…! to explore, and better understand myself, and most aspects of my own unique identity.
29. What did you want and not get?
to visit my mom and socal more than once :( summit mount rainier.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
i know it’s not a film but i finally got to see the laramie project play. get low. black swan.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 23 on a wet gloomy day; i remember waking up, eating a bowl of honey bunches of oats with almonds and soymilk, brushed my teeth, moved some boxes for tj, cleaned up the mess from the previous day’s naked bike ride extravaganza, took a ~3hr nap, woke up and biked to cafe fiore where jaybird bought me coffee and we played scrabble and i let her win, breakfast for dinner party complete with pj apparel, and then we all went to see patrick park and gregory alan isakov play at the tractor. after the show, he gave me his setlist. just another ordinary day in my ordinary life.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
no such thing; this year was everything it was meant to be. i feel like a broken record saying this at the end of every year, but i did learn a lot about myself this year. i guess there are worse problems to have. i'm happy with the way i've grown through 2010.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
haha. mostly the same stuff i’ve been wearing since college ugh. i found this second hand sweater vest and it became my most beloved article of clothing for 2010. i need new clothes! but absolutely no more plaid/flannel/collared shirts.
34. What kept you sane?
bowling, biking, hiking, writing, reading, getting out of seattle when i needed to, tiny pills, working, my bed in my room.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
just watch and read:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3bRPHPQsOs
http://everyoneisgay.com/
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the repeal of don’t ask, don’t tell; the bp oil spill; not passing the wa income tax whilst repealing the junk food tax; deep bore tunnel.
37. Who did you miss?
me. you. him and her. and others, always, of course.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
i already knew some folks, like elizabeth and megan from scs, but its always good to reconnect; whizzbee!, megan, chelsea, drew + michelle, lacey + rob, bk, “robert earl”, morgann, alisha, ashley, bill, colin, leanne, lars, kristin, and so many more.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
“the grass is always greener on the other side…but you still have to mow it”
“stop trying to push water uphill”
“stop being so hard on yourself”
- megan
"happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive. inner peace does not." - eckhart tolle
"in three words i can sum up everything i've learned about life: it goes on." - robert frost
"holistic" was a good key word that i added to my bag-o-good-terms this year.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
i’ve been crazy, couldn’t you tell?
i threw stones at the stars but the whole sky fell.
now i’m covered up in straw, belly up on the table.
well i drank and sang, and i passed in the stable.
that tall grass grows high and brown
well i dragged you straight in the muddy ground.
and you sent me back to where i roam
well i cursed and i cried but now i know…
oh, now i know.
and i ran back to that hollow again.
the moon was just a sliver back then.
and i ached for my heart like some tin man
when it came, oh it beat and it boiled and it rang…
oh, it’s ringing.
ring like crazy, ring like hell.
turn me back into that wild-haired gale.
ring like silver, ring like gold.
turn these diamonds straight back into coal.
turn these diamonds straight back into coal.
gregory alan isakov - the stable song
happy 2011 everyone! "let's hope it's a good one, without any fear..." hear, hear!