Relief.
I am officially relieved.
Amen.
I cried my eyes out today. I walked to my car and screamed until my voice box hurt. I kicked the shit out of my dashboard.....(i broke a vent..Whohooo).. I've never screamed and let it out like that. I must remind myself to do that more often.
Nothing sparked it. It was just the same mundane thing of going to go pick up Alex and going back to the apartment to do nothing yet again. It drove me nuts. I can't just sit in that damn apartment and feel like everything's fine. That apartment is like a suburban crack house. Everyone comes over to mainly get fucked up and pass out. I want it to be a place where you live...it's disgusting.
He cried. for me. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't just sit there and watch me cry..(i've been doing that for the past few days.) I don't want him to just watch me cry...but i can't tell him what to do since i have no idea myself. All i know is that i'm sad. that i'm crying b/c i'm soo sad. What can he do? Try to make me happy? what can he physically do to make me happy, to change my life where i am happy. Nothing. I can only do it. I'm the one who fucked it up anyways. That sweet little boy shouldn't worry his head with my problems. I'll get out of them the same way I always do...with the stroke of luck(God). Some way somehow it works out...i guess. I just need to get up off my ass and do what i need to do. Don't let alex distract me..the way he does. I can do it. It's just hard doing it on your own.
I hate it.
I think everyone is ready to move out of there....yet we have a few more months...6 to be exact.
I need to get some balls. (not real ones..i think that would fuck alex up.:))
Amen.
I cried my eyes out today. I walked to my car and screamed until my voice box hurt. I kicked the shit out of my dashboard.....(i broke a vent..Whohooo).. I've never screamed and let it out like that. I must remind myself to do that more often.
Nothing sparked it. It was just the same mundane thing of going to go pick up Alex and going back to the apartment to do nothing yet again. It drove me nuts. I can't just sit in that damn apartment and feel like everything's fine. That apartment is like a suburban crack house. Everyone comes over to mainly get fucked up and pass out. I want it to be a place where you live...it's disgusting.
He cried. for me. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't just sit there and watch me cry..(i've been doing that for the past few days.) I don't want him to just watch me cry...but i can't tell him what to do since i have no idea myself. All i know is that i'm sad. that i'm crying b/c i'm soo sad. What can he do? Try to make me happy? what can he physically do to make me happy, to change my life where i am happy. Nothing. I can only do it. I'm the one who fucked it up anyways. That sweet little boy shouldn't worry his head with my problems. I'll get out of them the same way I always do...with the stroke of luck(God). Some way somehow it works out...i guess. I just need to get up off my ass and do what i need to do. Don't let alex distract me..the way he does. I can do it. It's just hard doing it on your own.
I hate it.
I think everyone is ready to move out of there....yet we have a few more months...6 to be exact.
I need to get some balls. (not real ones..i think that would fuck alex up.:))