Oh dear god.
Haha. so you all missed me completely going crazy today.
I was on my way to South Carolina.....and then i realized that my car wasn't going to make it.
After all the annoying begging, no one would let me borrow a car. And honestly i really didn't think it was going to happen anyways.
All in all, I learned something very important about myself. I hate my life at this moment. I truly do. The only thing and yes i say the only thing that i even remotely like in my life is Alex...and you know i like him a lot more than i'll ever mention. Which in conclusion is very sad that he is the only thing that i can even stand. It's no one in particular, it's not something someone said or did. I just hate this. I want out of this place. St. Louis, missouri, America, this lonely dark apartment, my fucking shitty car, my zombie like job, my half-assed friendships (from both sides). I don't know what to do.
After being rejected again by my sister, i just felt like shit. I couldn't believe that i wanted to leave so badly. I was willing to waste more money on just one day with him. It really wasn't so that i could be with him...it was more to get away and not be stuck by myself for the rest of the week...especially without him.
I don't even really want to see people...It's all GOOD. He is going to be back in less than a week....by one day...oy. I can be strong. pfff...are you kidding me.
He's the only reason that i've actually not gone crazy because of everything...i've been so occupied with him for the past few months that i'm ignoring my hatred...it doesn't really matter b/c there's no way im getting out of here soon. But Jesus Christ, when this lease is up, i'm out of here. I don't know where i'm going, i'm just gonna "Go." and you are coming with me, punk.
I'm going to go wallow in my patheticness.
P.S. It's the week before Aunt Flo...remind me every month not to make any big decisions during this particular week...i'll always end up feeling like shit...Yes you heard me, all this is due to HORMONES...Muhahahahahah.
I was on my way to South Carolina.....and then i realized that my car wasn't going to make it.
After all the annoying begging, no one would let me borrow a car. And honestly i really didn't think it was going to happen anyways.
All in all, I learned something very important about myself. I hate my life at this moment. I truly do. The only thing and yes i say the only thing that i even remotely like in my life is Alex...and you know i like him a lot more than i'll ever mention. Which in conclusion is very sad that he is the only thing that i can even stand. It's no one in particular, it's not something someone said or did. I just hate this. I want out of this place. St. Louis, missouri, America, this lonely dark apartment, my fucking shitty car, my zombie like job, my half-assed friendships (from both sides). I don't know what to do.
After being rejected again by my sister, i just felt like shit. I couldn't believe that i wanted to leave so badly. I was willing to waste more money on just one day with him. It really wasn't so that i could be with him...it was more to get away and not be stuck by myself for the rest of the week...especially without him.
I don't even really want to see people...It's all GOOD. He is going to be back in less than a week....by one day...oy. I can be strong. pfff...are you kidding me.
He's the only reason that i've actually not gone crazy because of everything...i've been so occupied with him for the past few months that i'm ignoring my hatred...it doesn't really matter b/c there's no way im getting out of here soon. But Jesus Christ, when this lease is up, i'm out of here. I don't know where i'm going, i'm just gonna "Go." and you are coming with me, punk.
I'm going to go wallow in my patheticness.
P.S. It's the week before Aunt Flo...remind me every month not to make any big decisions during this particular week...i'll always end up feeling like shit...Yes you heard me, all this is due to HORMONES...Muhahahahahah.