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I need to read this. Every single fucking day of my life.
You probably won't understand what it means. That's okay. It's for me, not you.
Had a one on one in Dallas this weekend. Really cool guy. I love one on one's because, while you are really helping someone get there game solid, you also learn a shitload about yourself. It's really fun to watch a guy progress and get better and to break through insucurities and sticking points that have been like chains holding him down. As, a student opens his mind and works through a sticking point it's like seeing a new person. There were a couple of things that I learned this weekend that I want to share. After working with this student and he told me what was bothering him, I remembered that these were issues that had once plagued me and really held me back for a long long time. Once I dealt with them I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning pickup.
1. Relax! If you make pickup so important that you feel like every set is the Super Bowl, then that's exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you will no longer enjoy going out. So, after just a few weeks of going out you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. "Why am I not learning this? How come it's so hard for me? Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I need to go home and read pickup for 6 hours per day instead of 5 hours per day." HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus your mind. Go out with specific goals for the week. (Example: "I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X opener, X transition, X story, X cold read and I will try to isolate at least one girl in every set and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club and get into deep comfort with her. If I do most of these things then I will know that I was succesful on the night."
By setting goals like the one's above you have measurable, attainable, realistic goals for the night. Saying, "I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers." or "My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he's doing. If I don't do at least as good as he does, then I suck."
This kind of goal setting fucks you hard!!!!!!! The goals are not realistic, you don't allow yourself room to grow, and no matter how great the outcome, you don't allow yourself to build momentum from the small successes. What if you fucked an 8, opened 5 for 10 and got 3 phone numbers and one of them was a 10? Wouldn't that have been a damn good night? Not if you are putting bullshit restrictions on how you measure your own success. Ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself because your friend went 5 for 5 that day. LoL See how rediculous that kind of thinking is? I use to do that all the time. I wanted to be as good as Style and Mystery TODAY!!! or else. If I had a great night, it wasn't enough, EVER! How long do you think I lasted like that before I damn near had a meltdown? Not long. I stumbled onto a few books and articles that really helped me. Brian Tracy - Goal Setting, David D - Deep Inner Game, and an post by Tyler Durden - Implementing a Habit. I suggest buying those two products, and I will add TD's post to my blog somewhere.
2. Learn in the field: I know everyone says this, but damn this is by far the biggest mistake everyone, INCLUDING ME, makes. If you think you are going to read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and then one day you will compile the master routine that will allow you to walk into a venue and rattle off this phantom sequence and BAM! Girls clothes will just start fallling off, you are sadly sadly mistaken. You do need to do your homework, but you will learn more in 1 set in the field, then 60 hours of reading. In fact, the reading really won't make that much sense or even help that much until you have been in the field and been in the exact situation the author is talking about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play tennis and then go play someone who had read nothing, but took a 30 min lesson and they would likely kick your fucking ass. Same applies here. Books that I thought were shit when I first started this, mean a lot to me now and books and lines that I thought would be amazing in the field, now make me laugh at how shitty they are.
It's so easy to peg the guys on bootcamp who have read everything but haven't done much field time. They know all the theory, know all the routines by heart, usually better than I do, and love to correct the instructors and other students on what they "think you should do" in said situation. Then when you go out that night, they either look gun shy, or make tons of rookie mistakes, or they think they are much farther along in set than they really are. I can watch a guy in set and tell you if he is in a, "friendly conversation" or if he is making progress toward getting the girl. These guys have all the advice in the world and a million stories that nobody can confirm. DON"T BE LIKE THAT!!!! What a fucking waste of time and life. Being an arm chair QB is like reading about how fun roller coasters are but, never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why would you do that!??? Even if you don't brag and correct others, you are still dying inside knowing that you should be doing more. Why read all of this shit if you aren't going to use it???
I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to make a point. I know why they don't do it. The same reason I didn't. You still only half believe it's real or you are scared shitless of it not being real, or you are scared shitless of facing the inevitable rejection associated with risking your ego and putting it on the line set after set or you have read way to much of this shit and your brain goes haywire in set trying to remember every fucking routine you ever read!
I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me, so what do I do Braddock???
Set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun. Set small goals, that add up to equal your big goals. Add just one piece of material every couple of weeks and only add a piece after you have done X number of sets. Going out 3 times per week doesn't really count as 3 times if you only opened 2 sets each night. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but do it in small chunks, while realizing that not any one set matters. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!! I have friends who lie about how many girls they've fucked in order to impress others. FYI.... Nobody gives a shit for one and two they probably know you are lying and just aren't calling you out on it to avoid an awkward intervention over something stupid. But they do talk shit when you aren't around. Soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your progress. Stop giving a fuck about what anyone thinks about you. Stop worrying about how good or bad your friends are doing. Stop talking about it with them. Use TheMysteryMethod forums to discuss this shit. Stop talking about it with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at pickup, they will be full of advice that is horrible. Nothing makes me laugh harder than when one of my friends gives me or someone else in my circle advice on how to pickup girls when they haven't put in the time to even know if what they are saying is true.
My point is this, you are your own best compass. Only take advice from those who have been in the trenches and earned their stripes. Donald Trump doesn't ask me how to buy real estate and I don't read his book hoping for advice on how to pickup girls. Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel like you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, "Wow! I've done a shitload of approaches. They haven't all gone well, but I have honestly done a rediculous amount of approaches."
When you can say that, then go back and grab those pickup books and start reading. It will all make so much more sense and you will be able to go apply the material at a much faster rate, because you will have a point of reference. Second, you won't have to take everything they say as fact! I remember when I first started, I thought some of the stuff I read sounded really fucking gay, but I had to take it as fact in my head, because they were supposedly gurus. After I did a bunch of sets, I could look at material and tell what was really useful and what was just some shit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. I had no idea what was what until I had extensive time in field. So, PUT THE FUCKING BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING THIS POST AND GO OUT!!!!!
I'm serious. Life is not lived on the computer reading about how someone else is leading the life you wish you had. Fuck that. Steal the knowledge, but go create your own stories and experiences. The only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one, is action. His life wasn't always the shit, I promise.
~Of the time you allot to pickup, Read 20% go out 80%.
~Don't beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you'll never see again.
~Have the mental frame that, "The first 2,000 approaches don't count." How can it be the super bowl if you still have 1,999 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
~Set small goals you can reach and journal everyday. Look back in a few months and I think you will be suprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
~Stop bitching about other people!!! "If only I had a wing. If only I this or that."
~Fuck excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don't want your goal bad enough. If I said go open 20 sets or I'll blow your mom's fucking head off!!!! Would you say, "Well, Braddock, I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really really bad! But, I don't have a good wing." Fuck no! You would open 20 sets in 10 min to save your mom, but you won't open 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve??????????
None of this is meant to be mean. I just know how bad my girl situation was at one time. Looking back, I just needed a kick in the ass.
Trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
You probably won't understand what it means. That's okay. It's for me, not you.
Had a one on one in Dallas this weekend. Really cool guy. I love one on one's because, while you are really helping someone get there game solid, you also learn a shitload about yourself. It's really fun to watch a guy progress and get better and to break through insucurities and sticking points that have been like chains holding him down. As, a student opens his mind and works through a sticking point it's like seeing a new person. There were a couple of things that I learned this weekend that I want to share. After working with this student and he told me what was bothering him, I remembered that these were issues that had once plagued me and really held me back for a long long time. Once I dealt with them I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning pickup.
1. Relax! If you make pickup so important that you feel like every set is the Super Bowl, then that's exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you will no longer enjoy going out. So, after just a few weeks of going out you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. "Why am I not learning this? How come it's so hard for me? Maybe I just suck at this. Maybe I need to go home and read pickup for 6 hours per day instead of 5 hours per day." HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus your mind. Go out with specific goals for the week. (Example: "I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X opener, X transition, X story, X cold read and I will try to isolate at least one girl in every set and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club and get into deep comfort with her. If I do most of these things then I will know that I was succesful on the night."
By setting goals like the one's above you have measurable, attainable, realistic goals for the night. Saying, "I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers." or "My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he's doing. If I don't do at least as good as he does, then I suck."
This kind of goal setting fucks you hard!!!!!!! The goals are not realistic, you don't allow yourself room to grow, and no matter how great the outcome, you don't allow yourself to build momentum from the small successes. What if you fucked an 8, opened 5 for 10 and got 3 phone numbers and one of them was a 10? Wouldn't that have been a damn good night? Not if you are putting bullshit restrictions on how you measure your own success. Ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself because your friend went 5 for 5 that day. LoL See how rediculous that kind of thinking is? I use to do that all the time. I wanted to be as good as Style and Mystery TODAY!!! or else. If I had a great night, it wasn't enough, EVER! How long do you think I lasted like that before I damn near had a meltdown? Not long. I stumbled onto a few books and articles that really helped me. Brian Tracy - Goal Setting, David D - Deep Inner Game, and an post by Tyler Durden - Implementing a Habit. I suggest buying those two products, and I will add TD's post to my blog somewhere.
2. Learn in the field: I know everyone says this, but damn this is by far the biggest mistake everyone, INCLUDING ME, makes. If you think you are going to read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and then one day you will compile the master routine that will allow you to walk into a venue and rattle off this phantom sequence and BAM! Girls clothes will just start fallling off, you are sadly sadly mistaken. You do need to do your homework, but you will learn more in 1 set in the field, then 60 hours of reading. In fact, the reading really won't make that much sense or even help that much until you have been in the field and been in the exact situation the author is talking about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play tennis and then go play someone who had read nothing, but took a 30 min lesson and they would likely kick your fucking ass. Same applies here. Books that I thought were shit when I first started this, mean a lot to me now and books and lines that I thought would be amazing in the field, now make me laugh at how shitty they are.
It's so easy to peg the guys on bootcamp who have read everything but haven't done much field time. They know all the theory, know all the routines by heart, usually better than I do, and love to correct the instructors and other students on what they "think you should do" in said situation. Then when you go out that night, they either look gun shy, or make tons of rookie mistakes, or they think they are much farther along in set than they really are. I can watch a guy in set and tell you if he is in a, "friendly conversation" or if he is making progress toward getting the girl. These guys have all the advice in the world and a million stories that nobody can confirm. DON"T BE LIKE THAT!!!! What a fucking waste of time and life. Being an arm chair QB is like reading about how fun roller coasters are but, never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why would you do that!??? Even if you don't brag and correct others, you are still dying inside knowing that you should be doing more. Why read all of this shit if you aren't going to use it???
I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to make a point. I know why they don't do it. The same reason I didn't. You still only half believe it's real or you are scared shitless of it not being real, or you are scared shitless of facing the inevitable rejection associated with risking your ego and putting it on the line set after set or you have read way to much of this shit and your brain goes haywire in set trying to remember every fucking routine you ever read!
I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me, so what do I do Braddock???
Set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun. Set small goals, that add up to equal your big goals. Add just one piece of material every couple of weeks and only add a piece after you have done X number of sets. Going out 3 times per week doesn't really count as 3 times if you only opened 2 sets each night. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but do it in small chunks, while realizing that not any one set matters. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!! I have friends who lie about how many girls they've fucked in order to impress others. FYI.... Nobody gives a shit for one and two they probably know you are lying and just aren't calling you out on it to avoid an awkward intervention over something stupid. But they do talk shit when you aren't around. Soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your progress. Stop giving a fuck about what anyone thinks about you. Stop worrying about how good or bad your friends are doing. Stop talking about it with them. Use TheMysteryMethod forums to discuss this shit. Stop talking about it with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at pickup, they will be full of advice that is horrible. Nothing makes me laugh harder than when one of my friends gives me or someone else in my circle advice on how to pickup girls when they haven't put in the time to even know if what they are saying is true.
My point is this, you are your own best compass. Only take advice from those who have been in the trenches and earned their stripes. Donald Trump doesn't ask me how to buy real estate and I don't read his book hoping for advice on how to pickup girls. Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel like you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, "Wow! I've done a shitload of approaches. They haven't all gone well, but I have honestly done a rediculous amount of approaches."
When you can say that, then go back and grab those pickup books and start reading. It will all make so much more sense and you will be able to go apply the material at a much faster rate, because you will have a point of reference. Second, you won't have to take everything they say as fact! I remember when I first started, I thought some of the stuff I read sounded really fucking gay, but I had to take it as fact in my head, because they were supposedly gurus. After I did a bunch of sets, I could look at material and tell what was really useful and what was just some shit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. I had no idea what was what until I had extensive time in field. So, PUT THE FUCKING BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING THIS POST AND GO OUT!!!!!
I'm serious. Life is not lived on the computer reading about how someone else is leading the life you wish you had. Fuck that. Steal the knowledge, but go create your own stories and experiences. The only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one, is action. His life wasn't always the shit, I promise.
~Of the time you allot to pickup, Read 20% go out 80%.
~Don't beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you'll never see again.
~Have the mental frame that, "The first 2,000 approaches don't count." How can it be the super bowl if you still have 1,999 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
~Set small goals you can reach and journal everyday. Look back in a few months and I think you will be suprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
~Stop bitching about other people!!! "If only I had a wing. If only I this or that."
~Fuck excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don't want your goal bad enough. If I said go open 20 sets or I'll blow your mom's fucking head off!!!! Would you say, "Well, Braddock, I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really really bad! But, I don't have a good wing." Fuck no! You would open 20 sets in 10 min to save your mom, but you won't open 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve??????????
None of this is meant to be mean. I just know how bad my girl situation was at one time. Looking back, I just needed a kick in the ass.
Trample the weak and hurdle the dead,