I was conceived by Japanese Hentai sex tenticles!!!!
Well, folks, I know it's been a long time since I last posted, but the trauma and humiliation I've suffered these last few months has been unbearable. You'd better sit down, cause everything you've ever been taught about me or the immaculate conception is bogus. The truth is so revolting and upsetting that I'm having trouble coping with it. Even worse, the fiasco that ensued has kept me at home crying for days. Sure, I appeared in a taco or box of Chicken Fries here and there, but for the most part I've just been balling like a sissy.
So do you want to know what's got the ol' JC so upset? Can you even guess?
The immaculate conception was a hoax. The holy spirit isn't a ghost or specter, in fact it doesn’t even exist.
I was conceived by Japanese Hentai sex tentacles!!!!
If you don't know what I'm talking about, then do a Google search and see what comes up. Go on, I dare you.....sniff.
So to find my real father, I go to the Hentai capital of the world: Naughty Tentacle Island which is just off the coast of Japan. You know how the Japanese are, they'll make a theme part for anything. This one was marketed towards old Japanese business men and American college kids that play YU-Gi-Oh and never get laid. The whole amusement park was outfitted with perverted souvenir kiosks selling Demon nut-sack horn necklaces and vending machines that dispensed girls panties. At the sushi stand you could get condiments like Butthole Soy sauce and Duck Dong sauce.
So I fly all the way out there to scope out the place and try to find that one wang that is responsible for my misfortunes. Could it be a glistening purple mushroom penis that writhes and throbs like a vein covered eel? Or perhaps a promiscuous octopus Tentacle with mouthy suction cups that just know where to find shelter in the moistest of places?
How do these things even get around? I've been doing research and my findings are astonishing. They can show up just about anywhere: at work, the dentist, the proctologist (God forbid), church, and even your home(GASP!.They don't have eyes or ears or even a sense of smell, yet they still know how and where to violate a person if they strayed to close. And you should count your blessings if it's just one, cause usually there is a whole gang of them flopping around and knocking stuff over in your apartment. And the messes!! Good God, monster spunk dripping from the ceiling, smeared dong prints all over my collectable Star Wars glasses, signed GG Allin poster, the kick ass stereo cabinet that I made out of ply wood and cinder blocks, and computer monitor, and a trail of Scrotum Ooze across my sheep skin rugs and hardwood floor. You have to keep and eye on those damns hentai tentacles too, cause all kinds of your stuff will stick to them: CDs, pets, Chicken Fries, sandals, potted plants, coin purses, family photo albums, carpenter tools, the Ten Commandments: you name it!
And they worm their way in and out of everything. Breakfast cerial boxes, airconditioning vents, shower curtain rings, shampoo bottles, coffee mugs, tupperware containers, and even loaves of french bread. If your pitched of Cherry Cool-Aid ever seems extra frothy, leave it alone, fool! Yo mama made it just fine, but no one wants Cool-Aid that's been stired by a blotchy, greasy hentai penis.
So there I was, on one of the aquarium observation decks in the Hentai Island's Shlong-I-Sphere watching dribbling johnsons the size of tubesteaks (if you've never seen a tubesteak, do a Google search) beat ,squirm, poke, ferret, and nut against the glass tanks. They were so strange to watch. Sometimes they'd all stand up straight at the same time and ominously rock on their scabby sacks like pine trees in a storm.Then all at once, they'd fire thick streams of hot, foamy cum straight up into the air. The Hentai island custodians had to work double time to keep the drains clear. Some jizz was runny like hot chicken grease, other spunk was chunky like cottage cheese or custard. Once spent, the tenticles would shrink to a fraction of their normal size and sleep like babies.
Speaking of pine needles, the PUBES, oh dad save us, the Pubes!!!!!!! I'd like to see that Mind Freak guy lay down on a bed of Hentai Tentacle pubes. Are you listening to me?
Fortunately, everything was safely guarded from the public by giant sheets of glass (prison bars don't work so well). To get a better view, I rode the escalator up the the observation deck set over the largest of the tanks. After many hours of ogling, I saw something that took my breath away....
The most bulbous, freckled, and vile Who-Who-Dilly I'd ever seen. The Cuddle-Fish-of-Cthulu! Odorous Eurungugus's (from TV's GWAR)penis, snail like antennas twitching, was inching up the side of the tank towards me, sticking to the glass like a gob of snot. And around its quivering, sweaty shaft, a crown of thorns identical to mine.
"Dad!!!"
to be continued....in yo mama's mouth.
So do you want to know what's got the ol' JC so upset? Can you even guess?
The immaculate conception was a hoax. The holy spirit isn't a ghost or specter, in fact it doesn’t even exist.
I was conceived by Japanese Hentai sex tentacles!!!!
If you don't know what I'm talking about, then do a Google search and see what comes up. Go on, I dare you.....sniff.
So to find my real father, I go to the Hentai capital of the world: Naughty Tentacle Island which is just off the coast of Japan. You know how the Japanese are, they'll make a theme part for anything. This one was marketed towards old Japanese business men and American college kids that play YU-Gi-Oh and never get laid. The whole amusement park was outfitted with perverted souvenir kiosks selling Demon nut-sack horn necklaces and vending machines that dispensed girls panties. At the sushi stand you could get condiments like Butthole Soy sauce and Duck Dong sauce.
So I fly all the way out there to scope out the place and try to find that one wang that is responsible for my misfortunes. Could it be a glistening purple mushroom penis that writhes and throbs like a vein covered eel? Or perhaps a promiscuous octopus Tentacle with mouthy suction cups that just know where to find shelter in the moistest of places?
How do these things even get around? I've been doing research and my findings are astonishing. They can show up just about anywhere: at work, the dentist, the proctologist (God forbid), church, and even your home(GASP!.They don't have eyes or ears or even a sense of smell, yet they still know how and where to violate a person if they strayed to close. And you should count your blessings if it's just one, cause usually there is a whole gang of them flopping around and knocking stuff over in your apartment. And the messes!! Good God, monster spunk dripping from the ceiling, smeared dong prints all over my collectable Star Wars glasses, signed GG Allin poster, the kick ass stereo cabinet that I made out of ply wood and cinder blocks, and computer monitor, and a trail of Scrotum Ooze across my sheep skin rugs and hardwood floor. You have to keep and eye on those damns hentai tentacles too, cause all kinds of your stuff will stick to them: CDs, pets, Chicken Fries, sandals, potted plants, coin purses, family photo albums, carpenter tools, the Ten Commandments: you name it!
And they worm their way in and out of everything. Breakfast cerial boxes, airconditioning vents, shower curtain rings, shampoo bottles, coffee mugs, tupperware containers, and even loaves of french bread. If your pitched of Cherry Cool-Aid ever seems extra frothy, leave it alone, fool! Yo mama made it just fine, but no one wants Cool-Aid that's been stired by a blotchy, greasy hentai penis.
So there I was, on one of the aquarium observation decks in the Hentai Island's Shlong-I-Sphere watching dribbling johnsons the size of tubesteaks (if you've never seen a tubesteak, do a Google search) beat ,squirm, poke, ferret, and nut against the glass tanks. They were so strange to watch. Sometimes they'd all stand up straight at the same time and ominously rock on their scabby sacks like pine trees in a storm.Then all at once, they'd fire thick streams of hot, foamy cum straight up into the air. The Hentai island custodians had to work double time to keep the drains clear. Some jizz was runny like hot chicken grease, other spunk was chunky like cottage cheese or custard. Once spent, the tenticles would shrink to a fraction of their normal size and sleep like babies.
Speaking of pine needles, the PUBES, oh dad save us, the Pubes!!!!!!! I'd like to see that Mind Freak guy lay down on a bed of Hentai Tentacle pubes. Are you listening to me?
Fortunately, everything was safely guarded from the public by giant sheets of glass (prison bars don't work so well). To get a better view, I rode the escalator up the the observation deck set over the largest of the tanks. After many hours of ogling, I saw something that took my breath away....
The most bulbous, freckled, and vile Who-Who-Dilly I'd ever seen. The Cuddle-Fish-of-Cthulu! Odorous Eurungugus's (from TV's GWAR)penis, snail like antennas twitching, was inching up the side of the tank towards me, sticking to the glass like a gob of snot. And around its quivering, sweaty shaft, a crown of thorns identical to mine.
"Dad!!!"
to be continued....in yo mama's mouth.