Touching And Touched
Title: Touching and Touched (Parts 1,2,3,and4)
Rating: R-ish to be safe
Summary: The many occasions that Spock had touched and been touched by Kirk.
A/N: Originally four chapters. now just one 9000 word post.
It started on the bridge. He punched Kirk. He beat him, and spun him and attempted to strangle him. Only Kirk could break down his control like that. Spock may have been stronger, but Kirk both unleashed and reigned in his fury.
When Kirk was pinned to the console, clutching Spock’s arm, he moved his thumb in a circular motion that almost made Spock wince. The touch seemed to coax open the mental pathway between them. Under his hand he felt something foreign, but familiar and he’d soon realize it was complete understanding.
The touch seemed to coax open the mental pathway between them. Under his hand he felt something foreign, but familiar … and he’d soon realize it was complete understanding. Kirk relied on instinct, and the instinct that pulsed under his skin and into his mind was, ‘Spock may get close but he won‘t kill me. He can’t.’ It brought him back to sanity. And he realized what Kirk was trying to prove. He was compromised. And that understanding he’d felt touched a part of him that he didn’t realized he’d been neglecting. The part that ached for him mother.
******
After the Nero Incident, after he’d become First Officer to Captain James T. Kirk, after his first shift on the bridge, and after he’d settled into his quarters for the night, there was a buzz at his door. Where he expected Uhura, he found Kirk.
"Hey, got a minute?"
"If you are asking whether I am attending to other duties, Captain, I am not. I was merely reading. What can I do for you?"
"Oh I just…" His put his shoulders back and stood a little straighter. Taking a breath, he said, "I wanted to apologize. Formally, for what I said to provoke you. It may have been for the welfare of the crew but … It was unfair." His eyes shone with regret.
Spock nodded. "I accept your apology, and offer my forgiveness."
Kirk shifted where he stood, looking as if he wanted to say more. He opened his mouth but Uhura approached, looking slightly embarrassed.
"Hello, Captain," she said.
"Uhura." Kirk turned back to Spock, and a strange look pass through his captain’s eyes. Uhura moved past Spock into his quarters. Spock stepped into the hallway, letting the door swish shut. Kirk raised an eyebrow.
"What were you going to say, sir?"
Kirk looked at the floor, but then he looked Spock square in the eye.
"I’m also sorry about your mom, Spock. I know how much she meant to you. I do." And something in his voice told him he did. He understood and something tugged at his mind. He barely noticed because he suddenly and uncharacteristically felt tears swelling in his eyes. He looked down at the floor, determined not to let the captain see. He saw the other man’s hand twitch as if he wanted to reach out for him. A small part of him wished he would.
Spock fought down the emotions stirring inside him, "Thank you, Captain." He was proud of the evenness of his voice as he said it, but in the end he was touched by the caring in Kirk’s voice.
*****
Several months into their five year mission, Spock was severely below his usually proficiency. Uhura wouldn’t look at him. Everyone treaded softly around him as if they could feel the negative vibes. After one particularly bad miscalculation on his part, the captain followed him to the lift.
"Spock, a word?"
"Yes, Captain?"
"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Jim?"
"The past hundred and fifteen have not worked. I do not expect it to change."
"What if I order you to call me Jim?"
"Unwise, Captain."
Kirk smirked then shook it away. "Can I ask what’s been bothering you?"
"Yes." Jim waited. Then rolled his eyes.
"What’s been bothering you?"
"You are aware that Lieutenant Uhura and I were … a pair."
"Were?"
"Indeed. We are no longer in a relationship."
"Why?" He sounded stunned.
"We attempted a meld…"
"And?"
"Her mind was… unpleasant." Kirk snorted. "It was a cacophony of different languages and images."
Kirk grinned. "It was too loud for you."
Spock thought about that for a moment. "Yes. Perhaps, it was."
"I’m sorry, Spock. But you know what they say. There’s plenty of fish in the sea." Kirk clasped his shoulder, his little finger touching the bare skin of Spock’s neck. Spock balked, moving away. "Oh, sorry about that. Forgot, no touchy." The lift doors opened and Kirk gave him a little wave over his shoulder. Spock stood dumbfounded, mouth slightly agape. That had been odd.
"Fascinating."
******
Thus began the great experiment, because that is what scientific minds do. They investigate phenomena by forming a hypothesis, conducting a experiment, collecting data and drawing the logical conclusion.
Hypothesis: The accidental touch with the captain created a unanticipated reaction resulting in what the captain himself would call a fluke.
His body’s response troubled him and he decided to further investigate. It was a simple experiment: ‘accidentally’ touch as many people as possible in an attempt to duplicate the results.
This proved to be difficult. Sulu was not the same, nor was any of the other members of his usual shift on the bridge. The closest he came to the response provoked by the Captain was with an ensign in the engine room. It was not remotely as powerful, but it was the same basic concept - not exactly, but the ensign did give him a smile before he walked away. A whole ship and not one: in fact, Dr McCoy had provoked the exact opposite reaction. He made a note not to injure himself anytime soon.
The data was clear. His hypothesis was false. None came close. That was fine: Science was trial and error.
Then a new thought dawned on him. Perhaps the captain wasn’t the control. Maybe he was the variable. This new train of thought brought him to his new experiment. Observe the captain and touch him no more and no less than he touches any other member of his team. He kept tally in his head. The top scorers:
Uhura: 10
Sulu: 9
Bones: An Impressive 15
Spock also took notice that the captain seemed to avoid touching him, which he found curious. So he had to initiate the touch with an accidental brush passed him, their shoulders touching only slightly in the lift. That was all it took to be the second person on Kirk’s most touched list.
Spock: 14.
One night after their shift he approached the captain quite casually, “Captain?”
“Yes, Mr. Spock.”
“By any chance, do you play chess?”
He was rewarded by a raised eyebrow. “I do.”
“Would you like to join me for a game after dinner? I have not played anything but the computer for quite some time.” No lie. All truth down to the last intent.
“I’m going to tell you now it’s been years, but yes. I’d love too.” Spock ignored the strange tingle deep down inside that that sentence inspired. “How about in that room that connects our quarters?” A nod. A smile. And Spock was off.
………………………………............................................................................................................................
Now sitting in the room across from Kirk he realized this may have been a terrible idea. Kirk had been staring the board for twenty three minutes and hadn’t made his move. “Captain-”
“Jim.”
“The board has not changed and it will not. The same three moves will in fact be there in the next twenty three minutes.”
Kirk picked up a knight and moved it he’d let go of it and Spock gave an internal sigh of relief. Perhaps to soon. “Wait!” He grabbed the piece and attempted to move it back Spock grabbed it to. The tiny piece made there fingers very close together. Spock flinched. If he moved his thumb up less than two millimeters their thumbs would touch. He felt his cheeks turning green and he put up his controls to repress it.
“That is against the rules. You can not move it back once you’ve let go.”
He gave him that smile again, “Come on, Spock. I can’t bend them just a little?”
“No. Rules are there for good reasons.”
“What about the no-touchy rule?”
“What?”
“Bones told me once that Vulcan’s are more sensitive to touch than 92.5 percent of most species.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“You broke it. You initiated it.”
“I already apologized for my actions during the Nero incident-”
“I mean in the hall and the lift. You didn’t seem to mind.”
“It is not entirely unpleasant. Doctor McCoy on the other hand was extremely unpleasant.”
“You touched, Bones?”
“Once. Just a brush. I haven’t touched many people before. I was told not to. It’s fascinating.”
“So… You don’t mind?”
“I do not. As long as you do not abuse the privilege.”
Kirk pouted, “Not fair. What’s privilege if I can’t abuse it?” Spock glared, “Fine, fine.” He looked back down at his knight, “Can I move my piece back then?” They were both still holding it, neither moving their hand.
“I told you no.” It was now that Kirk moved his fingers to try again to move the piece, he touched Spock’s hand and it felt as if he’d been electrocuted. A pulse of sensation ran right through him, bypassing his brain and heading straight to his groin, causing it to twitch expectantly. He bit the inside of his cheek to suppress the moan rising in his throat. Spock let go of the piece, pulling his hand back. The burning subsided. Kirk raised an eyebrow and it took every last fiber of his being to keep his face blank, “Never mind. There is no arguing with you.” That was not, as his captain would put it, ‘smooth’. It had been a simple, chaste touch. It shouldn’t affect him this way.
Kirk smirked, “I win.”
“Illogical, the game is not yet over.” Oh but the captain had one. He’d proven himself the dominant. Spock won the chess game, but he lost the war entirely
………………………………..................................................................................................................
He found his evenings consisted for some time after that of nothing but chess games. Always lasting far longer than they had to. Kirk was an inquisitive man and many nights they talked about things that were very personal to Spock. Yet the Vulcan wasn‘t uncomfortable talking about them. Not to the captain anyway. He did not question why. “So Vulcans don’t take part in reproductive acts outside of marriage?”
“Yes.”
“What about you and Uhura?”
“She is human not Vulcan. She had human needs. And I being in courting with her had felt it obligatory.”
“What about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, she may have human needs and whatever but you could have just told her no.” He looked thoroughly concerned, “I just assumed your relationship was mutual.”
He pondered that, “Hm… Perhaps it wasn’t.”
Kirk laughed softly, “Oh Spock. I guess I should have figured that out, since you never touched her hand like ever.”
“What?” He stared absently at his captain. Had he really neglected to touch Nyota's hand? Ever?
Kirk raised an eyebrow, “Well not in public. I assumed you were embarrassed..”
“I did not know you were so versed about Vulcan customs.”
“My first officer is Vulcan. I can’t help but learn.”
“Even about their mating habits and intimate acts?”
Kirk grinned at the knight on board in front of him, “I know more about Vulcan’s than any outsider ever wants to know. I did ask your other self about a lot of things. He’s pretty laid back… For being you that is.” Spock glared and Kirk laughed, “He said Uhura was always after him in his time line too. Always trying to hold his hand. Never understanding what that touch meant.”
“I could tolerate touching her. I just thought that’s how it felt to touch everyone. I’ve learned otherwise.”
“You didn’t even like her?” He sounded amused.
“She was an adequate partner.”
“But you weren’t in love with her.” It was a statement.
Spock raised an eyebrow and looked at his king, thinking, “No… Perhaps I was not.”
“You like the word perhaps. Do you always use it when you discover something new?” The corners of Spock’s mouth twitched.
“Perhaps I do.” And Kirk let out a short bark of a laugh.
“Very good try for human humor, Spock. Very good.”
Spock’s eyes shone brightly from the praise. It was always his eyes that betrayed him.
Kirk and McCoy were walking down from the bridge after their shift when they stopped just within earshot of Spock who was punching info into a PADD. They didn‘t notice him there. McCoy was asking about something Kirk had said, “All you two do is play chess… And Talk?” He shook his head, “Why don’t I believe you?” Spock tried to tune them out.
“A captain can’t spend time with his first officer without his head being bitten off?” His ears perked at that. They were talking about him.
“He can. But you’ve stopped coming down to the bar. You LOVE the bar.”
“Oh, Bones, don’t be jealous. There’s enough room in my heart for two goblins.” He said jokingly and throwing an arm around his old friend’s shoulders. Spock’s mind was trying to find a logical response to all this.
“Ha ha. Very funny.” The doctor sighed, “I guess I should be happy you’re not being so promiscuous.” Spock’s insides hummed in agreement.
“What I can’t be friends with someone unless I’ve screwed them?”
“Well… Is there a friend you have that you haven’t slept with?”
“Yeah, Spock.”
“Any others?”
“You?” Bones glared. “Hey that time in Cancun doesn’t count.” Spock suddenly wanted to punch the good doctor. Year’s of learning control prevented it.
He sighed, “I keep telling you oral sex has just as many risks as any other when it comes to STI’s.”
“Oh shut up, you know you liked it.” Spock felt a growl in his throat that caused an ensign walking toward him to abruptly turn around and walk in the opposite direction
McCoy rolled his eyes, “Very mature.”
“At least you bought me dinner. Real classy.”
“Can we stop talking about our drunken escapade‘s for a moment? We were talking about you and Spock.”
“There is no me and Spock.” There was something akin to disappointment in his voice. He felt a tug at the back of his mind. It was odd but he couldn’t find a cause for it. Oh well.
“Whatever you say.”
“That’s right, whatever I say.”
………………………………............................................................................
“So you can’t get drunk off of alcohol?”
“No. It is not in my physiology.”
“But isn’t there something? Every race has there substances that effects them like that.”
“If we did, I wouldn’t tell you.”
Kirk gave him a look of mock hurt, “What? Don’t trust me?”
Spock glared, then sighed, “Chocolate.”
Kirk’s eyebrows shot up, “Really? How have you managed to avoid it? Especially on a ship full of human’s who eat it like it’s… well, candy.”
“I’ve had many a close call. Many of my races ‘drugs’ are common substances for humans.”
“Wow, I’d be drunk for the rest of my life that way.”
“Your intake is high.”
“Yeah, I should watch that. Spock Prime let me see my older self. I got kind of tubby.” He sighed.
“How did he show you that?”
Kirk winced, “He… Melded with me?”
“What?” Something in Spock’s gut roared. It was jealousy. Pure and powerful and it almost threw him off. Almost.
“It was the fastest way to explain the situation at the time. He also happen to show me my other self.” He stared at his rook, “It was interesting.”
“Are we very different? Me and him”
“No… And yes. He is… Less guarded. Warmer…” His eyes had wandered up to Spock’s and Spock felt something tug at the back of his mind again. Spock ignored it.
“Are you implying that I am ‘uptight’?”
Kirk snorted, “No. I just like to think that maybe I had something to do with it.
“And why would you think that?”
“Because I’m the only one who’s been able to get a rise out of you.”
“What has that got to do with anything?”
“It means I can get up under that Vulcan control and turn it on it’s pointy ears.”
Spock felt very caught at that moment. He moved his queen, “Check.” Kirk grinned. He was obviously not thinking about the game.
Kirk look to be having a ‘light bulb’ moment, “Can I ask you something?”
……………………………….....................................................................
Spock stormed into the Ambassador’s office, fuming. Not even just by Vulcan standards, humans would run in fear of the look in Spock’s eyes. He slammed the door and went to the desk leaning about half way over it, “What was he to you? Really. I don’t like lies.”
Spock Prime cocked an eyebrow, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I want the truth.”
Spock Prime sighed, “He was my friend.”
“That is what he would call-”
“Bull shit.”
“Precisely.”
“Well, Jim is not here.”
“He is on the starship. I took SHORE LEAVE.”
“Just to ask me?”
“Yes. Face to face.” Spock Prime chuckled, “Are you going to tell me then?”
“I‘d like to know what makes you think I lied.” Spock flinched at the tone. He did not want to answer. He reined in his emotions. Though his eyes kept something dark in them. “If you do not wish to tell me then I must ask you to leave me to my work on rebuilding our race.”
“It was a word he asked me about.”
“Which word?”
“Don’t provoke me.”
“But I’m so good at it.”
He hesitated and looked at the floor, “Th'y'la.”
“So why do you run to me for answers? Any Vulcan could have-”
“He told me you called him it when you were in his mind. You said, ‘I‘m sorry Th'y'la‘.”
His other self frowned, “Yes. I recall. It was an accident. I didn’t realize how much of my own emotions had transferred to him even when I held them back. It was a mistake to call him that. He is not MY th‘y‘la.”
“That is for certain.”
“His eyes are blue. I may prefer them that color. And his mind was more susceptible to the lose I felt. His life had been reasonably harder and he was so much more open to that emotion then my Jim was the first time we melded-”
“Your Jim?” That made his older self flinch.
“I did not lie when I said we were friends. Our friendship lasted much longer than our ill fated love affair. Which was cut short by a thing called the Nexus. By the way you may want to watch out for that.” Spock felt his face turning green. “Before I forget I actually have orders from the high council. They are aware of the lose of your bond mate. But due to the scarcity of our species they thought it wise for you not to bond with any of the remaining full blooded Vulcans to keep the species as pure as possible.”
“That is quite… Logical.” He said flatly. He hadn’t even thought of T’Pring.
“I received the same ones.” He said with a smile. “Spock. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. It is not mine and it never will be. I’m only giving you the possibilities. Maybe you can make better use of your time with Jim than I did.” With that he went back to his paper’s.
“He doesn’t feel that way about me.” Spock Prime looked up.
“On the contrary, I doubt he’d refuse you. Unless you plan to bond with Uhura.” He chuckled.
“If I do that would be my business.”
“Are you still with her?”
“No. Not for some time.”
“I wouldn’t be either. Every other thought is in a different language with her. No making heads or tails of anything.”
“Forgive me but… Your responses are-”
“Human? Well I am half human after all. And I had a human lover and my human mother lived to a very old age in my time. Vulcans never fully accepted me. But I found humans who did. Forgive me my weakness. It was logical.” He smiled, “I loved him. Maybe you don’t but I did.” He looked back to his papers, “If you don’t want him I’ll take him.”
Spock went green again. How could he possibly frustrate himself so much? “How am I suppose to explain what it means?”
“You’ll figure something out.”
Spock groaned, “This will greatly complicate things.”
“Maybe he’ll have forgotten.”
“Unlikely he was very insistent.”
“I’d get back to the Enterprise if I were you then. He may get impatient and ask Uhura.”
Spock’s face went grim, “He wouldn’t.” Spock Prime grinned knowingly.
………………………………......................................................................................
“Uhura?”
“What, Captain?”
“You’re versed in Vulcan, right?”
“One of the best nonnative speakers.”
“Then if I asked you a word- any word- you could translate it right?”
“Yes?” She said tentatively, not liking where this was going.
“What’s Th’y’la mean?”
Uhura looked as if she’d been shock, “What?”
“Th’yla. I’m saying it right, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s it mean?”
“Umm… A lot of things…”
“What is it an insult or-”
“No. It’s a term of endearment.”
His head cocked to the side, as if he didn’t understand, “What?”
“Endearment.”
“That can’t be right.”
“It is. It means a lot of things all at once… Friend, brother, beloved, lover-”
“Wait- WHAT?”
“Brother?”
“The last one.”
“Lover’s not the last one. Soul mate is. You’d know that if you let me finish.”
“That can’t be right.”
“Why not?” Kirk didn’t say anything, he was looking as if he’d just solved some big equation. “Where’d you hear that word anyway?”
“No where.” he looked away. Not the best liar, “Just something I overheard.” He then got up and walked out before she could delve any further.
………………………………..............................................................................
When Spock returned from leave he acted like nothing had happened. He hadn’t just up and abandoned them for a week. Kirk met him on the way to the bridge just before there shift. “Hey, Mr. Spock.” He said walking beside him.
“Hello, Captain.”
“So… How was leave?”
“Satisfactory.”
“Get to talk to your other self?
“Of course. In fact I spent much of my leave time with him. I find we are almost eerily similar at the core but very different personality wise.”
“You mean he has one.”
Spock’s eyes showed anger, “Correct.”
“Don’t be all Vulcan ice again. You’ve been like this since I asked you about that word.”
Spock falter, but only for a second, “Are you still going to attempt to get a definition from me?”
“Nah, I figured it out.”
Spock stopped walking, “What?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t hard.”
“You asked Uhura. He said you would.” A statement not a question.
“Okay maybe I asked Uhura.”
“It seems my other self knows you better than I. Perhaps there is hope for this timeline yet.” He looked to the floor. “A Vulcan knows everything about their th’y’la.” He looked back up at his captain, and for the first time in a long time, Jim could not read him. “Me and Spock Prime are very different people.” He then walked passed, his commanding officer keeping a good distance between them.
Kirk turned and grabbed his wrist. The touch gnawed as his mind. Remnants of when his hand had been at his throat, except this time, Spock felt like he was the one being strangled by the onslaught of… Whatever this feeling was. “You hum when your focused. .” Spock turned around. Shocked to the core. All his emotions stopped rolling about at the abruptness.
“What?” Was his intelligent inquiry.
“The louder you hum the harder the task. I don’t know what it was but I’d guess it was ‘Dear Prudence’ from the old archives.”
“Why would you know that?”
He shrugged, “I can tell when your mad, amused, scared, bored and a variety of other emotions that you’re always trying to hide. I also know you’re fond of pomegranates and papaya. You also hate salty things. You also move the third pawn from the right first in every game of chess you play. Spock Prime never did that.” It was his turn to walk past Spock keeping as much distance between them as possible. “Wrap you’re logic around that.” With that, he released his wrist and continued on to the bridge.
Spock attempted it. But the only conclusion he came to was Kirk had said it in response to his statement about Vulcans knowing everything about their th‘y‘la.
But how was that logical?
……………………………….............................................................................................
He had been working on a report on the flora of the planet their last mission had been too. Not paying attention. Trying his hardest to concentrate on his work and not the illogical things that boiled around in his mind. No. Concentrate on element composition and leaf texture. An ensign poked his head around a plant he was running tests on, “Commander?”
“Yes?”
“Could you… Not hum?”
Spock started, “I… Hummed?”
“Yes. It was rather nice but… It’s a little distracting.” He looked away, “I’ve never heard you hum that loud before.”
“I’ve hummed before?”
“Yeah, a lot actually. It’s usually really soft though. You can only hear it when it’s perfectly quiet or if you’re paying close attention. You’re secrets safe with me, sir.”
“It is not a secret, even the captain knows.”
“You mean only the captain knows. Well, besides me. But that’s because I’m slower than the others and end up being the last to leave before you.”
“Why are you so unsurprised the captain knows?”
He blinked at the First Officer confused, “We’ll he’s always watching you. I thought you knew.” Spock tried not to flush green. “If I may speak freely, sir.”
“You may.”
“I wish someone would watch me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like- Like they couldn’t help but look. He‘s always looked at you like that.” The ensign looked uncomfortable. Those words touched a part of Spock that made the corners of his mouth twitch upward.
Spock thought about that. Yes perhaps the captain was always looking at him. “You are not slow.”
“Commander?”
“You are thorough. You triple check everything. You take detailed notes. It is not your speed that keeps you after everyone else has gone. It is your pride in your work.”
The ensign looked down at the plant, “Thank you, sir.”
“No need, Ensign Simmons. They were all perfectly accurate observations.”
"Yeah... But I'm touched you'd think so highly of me. You compliment no one."
Spock went back to his work, "Credit must be given when it is due."
It was a year after the Nero Incident. All of New Vulcan was silent. A parade to commemorate the dead and their new home was taking place. All that remained of the High Council and their families sat at the place of honor. On Sarek’s right was Spock Prime, who kept glancing to Sarek’s left. The chair there was empty.
Spock sat in a very different chair very far away, completely forgetting the ceremony entirely. He hadn’t eaten or slept in eight days. Kirk lay in the bed in front of him, his breathing labored and his eyes shut. The captain had been injured many times before. He’d been close to death many time before. But never this close. And it was Spock’s fault. In battle if he’d seen the native with the dart gun sooner he could have pushed him away. Or just gotten in the way of the dart. Poison takes longer to absorb into his copper based blood. He would have been out of here in less than an hour. All his mind screamed was it was his fault. Guilt was a very human emotion. But in the confines of sick bay, he didn’t quite care.
He was off duty now. He went about business as usual when he had to. Here he just sat and stared. Bones entered from the hall. “There was a communication from your father.”
“Please tell him-”
“I already did. When I explained the situation, Spock Prime chimed in that your place was with the captain.”
Spock did his best not to smile at that. “Yes… Perhaps it is.”
He sighed, “Stop beating yourself up. Ain’t nothing you could’ve done.”
“But there is. I was not focused enough. I was thinking about something the captain had said to me a month ago that I still haven‘t figured out. I was not paying attention. If I had been I could easily have taken his place. My blood is not conducive to the same poisoning as humans.”
“It’s over now, Spock. Mulling over what cannot be changed is mighty illogical.”
Spock looked at McCoy, attempting a glared, but he was sure it looked more pained than anything else, “I realize that, Doctor. But things with the captain are never logical.”
“Yeah, must keep you up at night why you ever started seeing the man.”
Spock did glare at that, “I am NOT seeing the captain in the manner in which you implied.”
McCoy’s eyebrows went up, “Oh… So he hasn’t been lying to me.”
“No.” Spock looked back at him.
“Sorry…”
“Forget it, Bones.” McCoy smiled. “What is it?”
“That’s what Jim would say.”
“It is.” He sighed, “I find I’ve picked up many quirks from him. Like being illogical.”
McCoy sighed, “Well if you aren’t seeing the captain, I owe Sulu money.”
“You were betting?” He couldn’t keep the slight indignity out of his voice.
“Well yeah. The whole bridge has a stake in it. Uhura is the only one who wouldn’t play. I guess for obvious reasons.”
Spock’s brain was going a mile a minute. When suddenly there was a hand on his upper arm, “Spock.” It was hoarse but he turned and there were those blue eyes awake and slightly alert. Bones went into over drive checking his vitals and sticking him with all sorts of medical needles. Spock was silent as he slowly, cautiously took Kirks hand. Just cupping it with his own. It only lasted for a moment. But Kirk didn’t seem awake enough to wrap his brain around what it could possibly mean. Spock wasn’t sure why he did that. He didn’t ponder on it. It felt a bit like taking advantage of the hazy state of his mind. But not enough that he could regret it.
……………………………….......................................................................
Spock was counting down. Already feeling the slightest bit on edge. It was coming. He felt it. In less than an hour he would be in the full swing of it. He didn’t know what to do. Everything was becoming increasingly more agitating as time went by. He just had to make it through the last forty five minutes of this shift and he was free to lock himself in his quarters. He was hotter than usual which was saying something. He was also just unable to look at the captain. He couldn’t do it. Fifteen more minutes now. Others from his shift were leaving early for pizza night in the mess hall. Spock sighed, five more minutes. Sulu left, leaving just him and the captain he heard footsteps coming towards him. Kirk’s voice sounded through him, “Spock, is everything al-?” He stopped rather abruptly.
The captain had placed his hand just bellow the back of Spock’s neck, and suddenly that tug from in mind was a hard insistent pull. Kirk’s hand moved up the back of his neck and into his hair. Spock’s eyes flutter closed and his head leaned back into the touch as the captain practically pet him. He let out what could be the equivalent of a purr. When his eyes opened he found Kirk’s were closed, and he was mortified. He stood and ran out to the lift letting it swoosh behind him. Only when he reach his quarters did he stop his back against the door, trying to catch his breath. That had felt… Glorious.
It wasn’t much longer until their was a buzz at his door. Then there was a hard insistent bang of a fist. Another buzz. Then a security override. Kirk was their panting, staring at him. Spock knew his hair was sticking up. “What was that about?”
“What was what about, captain?” Why now? When everything was just starting to get back to normal. Why now?
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” That pull again. He finally realized what it was. A link. A connection on the most primitive level. The beginnings of something more. That scared him. But when Kirk walked in and turned off the wall intercom and his communicator and but in the code for a class five lock. And turned back to Spock. The pull had become a sharp yank. “I do know and I don’t know what that was.”
“That is illogical.”
“I know that response. I don’t know why now.” He started toward Spock and smirked, “I don’t care really.”
He was suddenly too close and his room was to hot and his heart was beating to fast. Spock began moving backward unprepared, not ready for that look on Kirk’s face. A predatory look, the look of-
A male in Pon Farr. Kirk was sharing Pon Farr with him. He’d also somehow taken on the male role in this. And Spock didn’t care. Because once he realized what it was, there was no more he could do. He wanted it to be Kirk. In the back of his mind he always knew. He appealed to his senses. He liked the touch of Kirk, the sight of him the smell of him, the sound of his voice, the feel of his mind. All that was left was to taste him. Spock found himself against a wall with no where else to move. Kirk stopped inches from him.
Bringing a hand up to Spock’s face, “I asked Spock Prime about Vulcan mating cycles once. He told me they only mate every seven years. And if they do not they die. He said you probably wouldn’t talk about it but that I’d know.” Spock tensed. Kirk grinned, “I know he’s a touchy subject around you but you shouldn’t get this way.” The hand traveled north and stroked his ear. He shudder and his captain grinned. “He is not you. You once asked me if you were different. You are. Spock Prime looks at me and sees someone else.” He leaned closer, “You look at me and see no one else.”
His voice trembled a little as he spoke, “Currently there is no one else in this room. There for I couldn’t possibly-” But he was cut off by the soft pressure of Kirk’s lips on his. It didn’t take very long for it to gain momentum. Kirk’s tongue licked at his lips and Spock allowed him entrance. As their tongues danced, Kirk pressed against him, his erection pressed into his thigh. Kirk pulled back to kiss at his jaw. Trailing them down to his neck. Spock gulped, “Captain I-” Kirk bit at his neck. Spock winced in a strange mixture of pleasure and pain. Kirk began to sooth it away with his tongue. “Jim.”
He smiled, bring his eyes level with Spock’s, “Say that again.”
“Jim.” It was no more than a whisper. He had always avoided calling him that for this very reason. Calling him captain reminded him of his obligations. Of duty. Of logic. But when he was just Jim… All that melted away. Time, space, duty, regulation obligation, social protocol… It was just Jim. And right now those blue eyes of his were burrowing into him as if he knew. Some how they made it to the bed, and lost their shirts without much notice from either of them. Kirk crawled on top of him. Spock knew that Pon Farr was upon him and through the incomplete connection on Kirk as well. But for the life of him he couldn’t move, he was that scared. “Jim, I don’t-… I don’t know how.”
“How to what?” As if he didn’t know.
“I don’t know how to-…” But the words wouldn’t come. He didn’t know what he didn’t know how to do. His hand moved to the meld points on Kirks face, “Please, show me.” He could feel that connection just under the surface. Bubbling, boiling over. Jim nodded his consent and Spock entered his mind. Spock heard them both gasp in unison. He had not expected to be yanked heart first into Kirk’s mind. It was so open and responsive. He fit so well, like half his mind had been wandering around in the very appealing package of James T. Kirk. He heard Kirk chuckle at that.
He felt the question in Jim’s mind, *What is it you want me to show you* He didn’t have words for what it was. So he sent him memories. Feelings. Thoughts. Anything to elicit what he needed to from his own mind. It was beyond the sex. He’d done that before, though not in this manner. It never did much for him. He needed Jim to show him… How to let go. *I’ll show you. I’ve got you. Trust me.* He did. He trusted him with his life.
*If I do not pull away now, we will surely be bonded.*
*Then let it be, Spock. I don’t want to be without you.* A swell of emotion ran through Kirk, and Spock finally knew what it was as it touched his own mind. It echoed the feeling back in perfect unison. Love. Pure, simple, illogical love. *Th‘y‘la. This is what it means?*
That simple sentence touched his heart. He knew it was an illogical analogy. His heart did not feel. But the area it was in swelled. So yes, it may not have been logical, but it was most defiantly appropriate.
………………………………..............................................................................................
Spock awoke, aware of a cooler mass beside him. How long have they been locked in here? He checked the clock and groaned, eleven hours. Six intercom calls missed, fifteen attempts to open the door. He was thoroughly sore and achy. He turned over and saw Jim, still asleep looking rather peaceful. He smiled a little, the first real smile in a long, long time. Slowly he reached over and grabbed his communicator, “Spock to bridge.”
“SPOCK! You pointy-eared bastard! How long are you two going to be locked in there!”
“McCoy please. I can only tell you that in my state for the past several hours I would have been biologically unbalanced. It is a deeply personal things to Vulcan’s. For my privacy he turned off the intercom. The captain has remained with me so as no harm would come to myself or any of the other crew members.” All totally true.
“You better not be lying.”
“I am not. It happens to every Vulcan. I assure you. I would not lie.”
McCoy seemed to take this in slowly, “Fine. Let me speak to the captain.”
“He’s asleep at the moment. He had been up to keep watch so long that as soon as I was back to my senses he fell asleep in my chair. I shall move him back to his room myself, and be back up on the bridge in an hour. I’m sorry it was so sudden. I would have warned you had it not been.” All… Mostly true. Omission did not make it a lie. He laced his fingers in with Jim’s and he awoke, slowly. “Spock out.” He flipped it closed and Kirk pulled him into a kiss.
“I thought we got to days to consummate it.” He smirked.
Spock sighed, “You’re human stamina was most impressive however I believe you are at your physical limit.”
“I think you just came close to calling me a sex god.”
“Negative.”
“What about you?”
“I did not need to put in as much physical effort as you. Thus I can make it through a shift with out falling asleep in your chair. Also, your chair is far more comfortable than my own. It is only logical I go.” His own chair would not help his tender nether regions in the slightest. Jim snorted.
Spock blinked. Jim grinned, “Sorry about that. It was just a funny thought. Next time you won’t tell me to skip the prep.”
“That was not the cause of my surprised. I was sure I hadn’t said that aloud.” That was odd.
“Yeah really odd.”
He blinked, *Jim?*
“What?” He looked at Spock. *Oh shit*
“My sentiments exactly.” He pulled his hand away so that the merely looked at each other, *Fascinating*.
*This is too amazing.* He smiled at Spock. A fondness in them so tender he couldn’t speak. *You need to get up and go to the bridge. I’m going to stay here. It smells nice.*
“Alright then.” He went to get up but Kirk pulled him into one last kiss, tongues and fingers intertwined. He shuddered, *Th’y’la.*
*I love you*
His heart may have burst with joy at that. It touched him so deeply he almost didn’t respond, *I love you too.*
Spock winced at McCoy injected him with another hypospray, “What did I tell you two about NOT trying to kill each other.” Kirk stared from his seat on the bed across from where Spock sat. He seemed to be waiting. “Okay, Spock off with the shirt.” Kirk smirked. Pride surged over their bond and Spock wished he could elbow him. Their activities had gotten just a bit out of hand. They both had scraps and bruises, Kirk had a dislocated leg and Spock had a long gash down his back. Gingerly, Spock complied with the Doctor’s request. Kirk beamed. “Good God man! What-?” he turned to Jim, “Those are-?”
“Yup.”
“JIM!”
“Apparently the Vulcan mating cycle, if left untreated, is deadly. I wasn’t going to let my first officer die, Bones.” But he was still glowing with pride. All over Spock’s exposed torso were love bites and hickeys.
“But this?”
“I’m thorough.”
“Gross, Jim.” Then Bones made an error. He touched the mark on Spock’s neck. The first on he’d made the night before. Jim punched him, “Fucking sweet Jesus- What is wrong with you?!” He yelled. Jim’s face went from an animalistic snarl to confusion in less than a minute.
Spock nodded, “Possessiveness and aggression are some side effects to the mat-”
“Okay, I get it.”
“I do not suggest you touch me again, Doctor. You may be his best friend but I’m positive he won’t hesitate to kill you.”
Jim finally decided to rejoin the conversation, “Sorry, dude.”
“How do you suggest I assess the damage then? Lock him away somewhere.”
“No he will still try and kill you once he is free.”
“How would he even know? Never mind. Don’t tell me.”
“I suggest the nurse. She is not a threat.”
“I’M not a threat.”
“Tell that to Jim.”
“Can I assess Jim? Or will you snap my neck?”
“No. I’m not the aggressor.”
“Ew, did you just say you bottom?”
“I did not have much choice in the matter.”
McCoy shrugged, “I guess that makes sense.”
“How so. I’m of greater strength and age-”
“Jim has the more dominate personality. And besides… If it were you, you’d probably snap him in half.”
Spock considered this, “Perhaps you are right.” Jim had zoned out again, staring at Spock absently. “I would not care to hurt him.” Jim smiled and he felt a pulse of love over their link. Spocks mouth twitched involuntarily upward. Bones gasped. “What?”
“You smiled!”
“I did not.”
“You did you lying piece of shit! I saw you!” Bones looked to Jim. “I hope you’re proud. Your sexual prowess can make a Vulcan smile.
“Best lay of my life.” Jim was suddenly alert once again.
“Ew.”
“Don’t be mad you didn’t get to me first.”
“Please stop talking.”
“I had him begging.”
Spock glared, “That would be the pheromones.”
“You might want to leave, Bones.”
“I JUST reset your leg. Round two-”
“Four.”
Bones grimaced, “Round four will have to wait.” He then stuck him with a hypospray. The captain’s eyes rolled back and he slumped backward on the hospital bed. “I’ll get the nurse to patch you up.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“Yeah, yeah. But you’re sleeping in the Sickbay tonight. And I have a strict no fucking policy. Anyone who disobeys get a hypo to the neck, got it?” Spock nodded. After he was bandaged he laid on his side, and slept. He did not know for how long but when he awoke with a cooler mass holding him close he was, for a second confused. He had not fallen asleep this way. However he was not complaining. He snuggled closer to his captain, breathing him in. The cooler body pressed him firmly to his chest. The Vulcan's head tucked under his chin, and cheek lying against his heart. Like this. This is how he wanted to always remain.
He felt his lover's mind resonate back warmly, *Me too* Spock smiled, he was doing that a lot lately. *You should do it more. It suits you* Jim leaned down and kissed him sweetly. *I believe we should leave the sickbay. I feel that burn starting up again. And I’m sure you’re aware of the doctor’s policy.*
……………………………….................................
Kirk and Spock sat in front of Jim’s vid screen. “You ready to tell yourself you got hitched.”
“I doubt he will be surprised captain. You already know we were bonded in his universe as well.” Kirk hit the button.
“You called?” Spock Prime appeared on the screen. “Spock? What are you doing here?”
“Jim thought it prudent I join this weeks call.”
“I did.” He beamed with obvious pride. “I wanted him here when I tell you we’re bonded.” He grinned. "I wanted you to be the first to hear it. Seeing as it's all thanks to you." Spock Prime raised an eyebrow, “Yup. Spock went into Pon Farr and so did I.”
“Hmm… Fascinating. My own Pon Farr was much later. Strange.”
“Yeah well. I got my command early. Why not?”
“But biologically we are the same. It should not have been-” He stopped, thinking. Then he smiled a little, “Perhaps that is it.”
“Prime?” Spock asked, curious.
"I'm am glad for you both. I was hoping you'd find each other."
Jim beamed again, "I knew you'd be pleased."
Prime smiled backm “I guess I have much to think upon… But you both have my congratulations. If you’ll excuse me however. I have much paper work that needs attending to. Live long and prosper. May your bond hold true.” He made the Vulcan hand sign then put it over his heart. The vid screen went black.
Kirk sensed his surprise, “What was that?”
“No one uses it anymore. It is the sign you give to true th’y’la couples after bonding. It is the highest honor our society has.”
“Why is it the highest?”
“Our bond is a rare kind. One that formed on it’s own and naturally without much of our own consciousness of it. A true bond is somewhat more intense. It is considered to be the most sacred and honored bond in not only Vulcan culture but the universe as a whole though it is called many different things. Every culture knows of it. It seems every form of life has an equivalent that goes back thousands of years and across space years.”
“Like on Earth. We call them soul mates.”
The Vulcan nodded. “Vulcan’s do not understand why but it a force so fierce that pulls the two together that it is never denied. It is believed to be able to defy time and space. It has fallen into legend. There have been claims of it occurring but none ever confirmed.”
“How would you CONFIRM something like that.”
“Simple. I believe the human terminology is a miracle.”
A few days later, Spock was just entering the bridge when he heard. “It seems Elder Spatok is missing. His last outward transmission from his office was to your own private quarters. The security records show he never left. He’s simply… Vanished.”
“We only talked of our operations on the ship in the past week or so. Nothing important or serious. We’ve been in touch back and forth for quite some time.” Kirk frowned, “I’m sorry I can be of no further help to you, Admiral.”
“It’s alright… Captain.” The vid screen went blank. Kirk turned to Spock.
“Where could he be?”
“I am uncertain.”
“He was acting oddly when he hung up. I hope it wasn’t our news that caused him to just evaporate.”
Spock’s lips quirked. Jim raised an eyebrow. *What’s going on in that pretty Vulcan head of your’s*
“Perhaps he's out defying time and space.” He said softly. He knew he was right.
………………………………......................................................................
Spock Prime sat in his chair staring at the screen with a melancholy smile. He’d been hit with a sudden epiphany that would require his immediate attention. Thus cutting the call short. As a half breed they had not been sure that Spock would ever go into Pon Farr. In this universe not only did he go into it but he experienced it early. The question was why, and he had an almost immediate answer: JIM.
He was the catalyst for it all. They both experienced Pon farr after working for him for the same amount of time. The exposure must have caused it. It made him ache for his bond mate even more. But when Jim was lost to the Nexus it did not feel as though he had died but rather… That he was far away. There was a tug at the back of his mind. That had been happening a lot lately. He remembered it from days long past. After his break with T’Pring. His next Pon Farr the tugging had drawn him straight to Jim.
“Jim.” He said softly. The ache in his heart and mind for his bondmate was worse then ever. Suddenly the tugged became a yank. And he fell backwards. But when he opened his eyes and looked about he was no longer in his office. He was on the ground outside in a woodland area. A thumb sound in the distance much like the splitting of wood met his ears. Then the cold hit him. He was unsure how he got here but he stood and walked briskly toward the sound. Hoping he’d find answers there.
But he did not find answers. What he found was better. “Damn place.” The graying blonde in front of him mutter. Spock’s breath caught.
“Jim.” He whispered softly. A snap in his mind and that bond, bleeding from lack of contact fed him frustration and confusion. The man in front of him turned blinking.
“Spock.” The mental need to feel him was over powering .He could FEEL him again. He ran to the man in front of him and threw his arms around him. There was no keeping his hands off Jim. He felt just the way he remembered. So right. No other word described it. Just right. Jim pulled back, “What are you-?”
“I have longed for this moment for so many years. Decades. I have longed for thee th’y’la. Never again are you leaving my sight.” Kirk was looking up at him.
“You are real. Something in this place is very real.”
“Of course I am real. What else would I be?”
“This place… It makes whatever I desire happen. It has tried to replicate you on several occasions. But it has never succeed. It brought you to me… That is what I call customer service.”
Spock’s eyes twinkled, “I have so much to share. I traveled to another time!”
“Again.”
“Yes. And I met a young me and you.”
“A young me. Hmm… You didn’t try to seduce him now did you?”
Spock pressed their lips together in a fiery kiss. A passion so long ago extinguished arose again from the ashes. It was almost like Pon Farr all over again, “Never. He was not you. You are you. I knew it and urged my counter part to pursue you instead.” He then kissed him again. Cupping the other face. Slowly the wrinkles were fading away. He felt his body become less stiff. When he pulled back again. The captain was young and beautiful instead of old and beautiful. “I have missed you th’y’la. I never want to go a minute without the touch of your mind in mine. Never again.”