A discourse.
"I don't need a woman to oppress me."
For years, years, this has been my battlecry. I've held such a flawed statement and sentiment closer to my heart than most people, and, in all honesty, I don't know why.
So blindly driven I've been to secure myself from others, at least those of the other sex, that I've missed out on life. On living. Too zealous I've been about an unsubstantiated saying that I thought had a nice ring to it that I haven't even realized how much it has changed me for the worse. My friends would tell me all of the time how inferior I've treated women at times, and I've had nothing but the most callous of reactions. But I do care. And I don't know how or why I've developed such a barrier, a buffer, to the outside. Well, it would be a lie if I said I didn't. I know why, but there's no excuse for me to be standing over this same horse, beating it to death for, what?, now two-and-a-half years.
Such a fool I have been! For letting someone other than myself steer my fate for so long, for not letting others do such. Such a fool I have been! For not letting in those who were so willing. For letting in those who were not so willing.
It's only now that I realize how young, naive, and idiotic I have been. It's only now that I pledge to myself, to me, that I stop ignoring this longing that has, for what felt like a lifetime, been repressed. It is only at this time I feel like I am awakened. Such a trivial axiom I have followed!
It stops now. I listen to my heart from now on. Without question, without second-guessing, and, above all, without being diluted by the teachings of others. My only regret is that I've not come to realize this clandestine urge until now, that I've not realized that I actually want to love something.
I am indeed fortune's fool.
Today I leave for Macaren.
Tomorrow I leave for Mayarin.
For years, years, this has been my battlecry. I've held such a flawed statement and sentiment closer to my heart than most people, and, in all honesty, I don't know why.
So blindly driven I've been to secure myself from others, at least those of the other sex, that I've missed out on life. On living. Too zealous I've been about an unsubstantiated saying that I thought had a nice ring to it that I haven't even realized how much it has changed me for the worse. My friends would tell me all of the time how inferior I've treated women at times, and I've had nothing but the most callous of reactions. But I do care. And I don't know how or why I've developed such a barrier, a buffer, to the outside. Well, it would be a lie if I said I didn't. I know why, but there's no excuse for me to be standing over this same horse, beating it to death for, what?, now two-and-a-half years.
Such a fool I have been! For letting someone other than myself steer my fate for so long, for not letting others do such. Such a fool I have been! For not letting in those who were so willing. For letting in those who were not so willing.
It's only now that I realize how young, naive, and idiotic I have been. It's only now that I pledge to myself, to me, that I stop ignoring this longing that has, for what felt like a lifetime, been repressed. It is only at this time I feel like I am awakened. Such a trivial axiom I have followed!
It stops now. I listen to my heart from now on. Without question, without second-guessing, and, above all, without being diluted by the teachings of others. My only regret is that I've not come to realize this clandestine urge until now, that I've not realized that I actually want to love something.
I am indeed fortune's fool.
Today I leave for Macaren.
Tomorrow I leave for Mayarin.