"It's a REAL disease! with real medication and doctors!" - Blades of Glory
I've come to the conclusion that I am not Dante.
H'ohmahgod an actual post that isn't about my screaming uterus or the berries and cream starburst commercial.
Basically, long story short, I am like...Dante v.2.0. I even feel different. I'm still in the same body, I just got a few upgrades at the shop. I can't remember when it really happened. I know it feels pretty abrupt. It didn't really hit me until I remembered some of the things I used to write in this journal, the nights I spent crying, things I'd notice about myself, all that stuff. Remember that kid who was afraid to walk around in her bra? I have sucks at parties and don't care who's watching. And now that I've written that down, it kinda makes me sound...kinda gross. I mean damn. But I've just stopped giving a shit, really. Funny thing, that sex. I went from *thinks* 16 years without it, always moping, and now its all over the place. And for some reason, suddenly, I feel like a bad person. Strange, that.
I think the big thing is I'm spontaneous. I always wanted to be spontaneous, but couldn't be, because I thought to much. And for a period, I stopped thinking and just acted. So now I'm sitting down thinking "Hm, I should really find the balance. Cos right now, it's too much." And that's a fact. I mean honestly. People are calling me a sex addict, for crying out loud. Is it bad that after a couple days I'm already going into withdrawals? That's fucking terrible! Dear God, what happened to me? What happened to my sense of control, I mean honestly? I need to chill.
To my friends who have not heard much of this, relax. It's not like I have a horde of sex partners. It's really mainly one girl, sometimes another, and recently I've been working on another. But while I was cruisin' around myspace like a loser, it hit me: I can't hit that. I won't. And that's when I felt the need to write. Because I don't want to be this. This *waves hands about the body* is bad. Well, not entirely physically. I've lost weight ^_^ Squee! I may even have to balls to wear a bikini, if my butchness can allow it. Which I doubt. lol
I need to stop thinking with my pussy, stop thinking too much with my heart and brain, and just...think with everything, in moderations. 33.3% for each. Sounds good. .1% can be for my bad knees =) They yell at me a lot lol. But I like being on my knees XD lol Still a pervert, still a pervert...
So basically no more sex in front of people. And I'm not gonna just fuck on a whim. I'm gonna think about it, to make sure it's a good idea. I mean, parties are still fun to get laid at, but not in a room of drunks (if I can wrangle it; those silly bitches sure are desperate for some live lesbian action...I still don't even know how they got in the bathroom, that was my hiding place! er...our...hehe).
And often I forget how women are about sex. Sometimes they get clingy. Personally, I don't. If I'm friends with someone, that's enough of a bond for me. And things won't be awkward, cos yer just friends. But I need to take into consideration how they're gonna be. What if those hot nights of raw animalistic fuckings...make them more attached? I mean yeah, it's nice that everyone at market basket knows I'm better than that asshole in produce (XD) and that I'm better than all the men that girl had (XD) but yeah, ya'll get where I'm going with this... There's no way for me to type a sentence elaborating that doesn't sound cocky though, so, use your imaginations.
Long story short (a little late for that), I just wanna better myself. That's all.
I don't want to get an ego =P That'd be poopy. I'd be like Steele, only actually getting some. lol
Alright, mum's home, and this is awkward to write in the living room. Later, mein peeps.
H'ohmahgod an actual post that isn't about my screaming uterus or the berries and cream starburst commercial.
Basically, long story short, I am like...Dante v.2.0. I even feel different. I'm still in the same body, I just got a few upgrades at the shop. I can't remember when it really happened. I know it feels pretty abrupt. It didn't really hit me until I remembered some of the things I used to write in this journal, the nights I spent crying, things I'd notice about myself, all that stuff. Remember that kid who was afraid to walk around in her bra? I have sucks at parties and don't care who's watching. And now that I've written that down, it kinda makes me sound...kinda gross. I mean damn. But I've just stopped giving a shit, really. Funny thing, that sex. I went from *thinks* 16 years without it, always moping, and now its all over the place. And for some reason, suddenly, I feel like a bad person. Strange, that.
I think the big thing is I'm spontaneous. I always wanted to be spontaneous, but couldn't be, because I thought to much. And for a period, I stopped thinking and just acted. So now I'm sitting down thinking "Hm, I should really find the balance. Cos right now, it's too much." And that's a fact. I mean honestly. People are calling me a sex addict, for crying out loud. Is it bad that after a couple days I'm already going into withdrawals? That's fucking terrible! Dear God, what happened to me? What happened to my sense of control, I mean honestly? I need to chill.
To my friends who have not heard much of this, relax. It's not like I have a horde of sex partners. It's really mainly one girl, sometimes another, and recently I've been working on another. But while I was cruisin' around myspace like a loser, it hit me: I can't hit that. I won't. And that's when I felt the need to write. Because I don't want to be this. This *waves hands about the body* is bad. Well, not entirely physically. I've lost weight ^_^ Squee! I may even have to balls to wear a bikini, if my butchness can allow it. Which I doubt. lol
I need to stop thinking with my pussy, stop thinking too much with my heart and brain, and just...think with everything, in moderations. 33.3% for each. Sounds good. .1% can be for my bad knees =) They yell at me a lot lol. But I like being on my knees XD lol Still a pervert, still a pervert...
So basically no more sex in front of people. And I'm not gonna just fuck on a whim. I'm gonna think about it, to make sure it's a good idea. I mean, parties are still fun to get laid at, but not in a room of drunks (if I can wrangle it; those silly bitches sure are desperate for some live lesbian action...I still don't even know how they got in the bathroom, that was my hiding place! er...our...hehe).
And often I forget how women are about sex. Sometimes they get clingy. Personally, I don't. If I'm friends with someone, that's enough of a bond for me. And things won't be awkward, cos yer just friends. But I need to take into consideration how they're gonna be. What if those hot nights of raw animalistic fuckings...make them more attached? I mean yeah, it's nice that everyone at market basket knows I'm better than that asshole in produce (XD) and that I'm better than all the men that girl had (XD) but yeah, ya'll get where I'm going with this... There's no way for me to type a sentence elaborating that doesn't sound cocky though, so, use your imaginations.
Long story short (a little late for that), I just wanna better myself. That's all.
I don't want to get an ego =P That'd be poopy. I'd be like Steele, only actually getting some. lol
Alright, mum's home, and this is awkward to write in the living room. Later, mein peeps.