BMW Oneshot: Put to my Plunge
Title: Put to My Plunge
Rating: PG
Pairing: Shawn/Angela, Cory/Topanga
Summary: I couldn't stop at one. So, this time Shawn actually does ask Angela to marry him. She must do some hard thinking. Cory and Topanga help out. Well, Topanga does. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own BMW. Some lines are from the show. The title is by John Bunyan
Put to my Plunge
“You came to say good-bye to me?”
“No, I will never say good-bye to you, because if I say good-bye to you then, whoo! That’s it. That’s good-bye.”
“You’re right. We should never say good-bye. Because we’re gonna write each
other every day and we’re gonna call each other and it’ll be like we’ve never
even been apart.” She still didn’t get it.
“Yes. Exactly. We should never be apart. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He led her to the door, because he would never have a better
opening.
“And when you love somebody, Angela, it’s okay to be a little selfish.”
“Yeah?” She kissed him. There was nothing on this earth he loved better than
her lips. “Thank you…for letting me be selfish.”
“No, no. Not you, me. Look, there’s something I gotta ask you right now.”
“You know, because you’re the only person that knows how important it is for me
and my dad to spend this time together.” She moved away from him and he could
feel his heart splinter as she left. “I only wish you and your dad had this time
together. I’m so sorry you didn’t. Thank you for giving me my chance.” And
that was it, wasn’t it, because how could he possibly dash her choice with his
own selfishness, his own need? She clearly wanted her father more than him.
“I’m really happy for both of you.”
“What was it that you wanted to ask me?” She leaned in close and he swore he
could get lost in her eyes.
“I wanted to ask you to come out with me for a minute.”
“Of course. Daddy, I’ll be right back.” Her father looked at her and Shawn
almost thought he saw resignation in the man’s eyes. But how could that be when
the other man had won?
Shawn led her outside and he sat her down on a bench and he tried to figure out
exactly how to savor his last moments with her.
“I’m gonna miss you so much,” she said. “It’s hard to leave you after we spent
so much time apart.” And then he wanted to laugh. How could she say those
things? It was rubbing it in. She was the one leaving him. Well, suddenly, it
didn’t matter anymore. She was leaving. He was going to be honest for the final
time.
“Then don’t go,” he croaked out, turning to look at her. She smiled, slightly
confused.
“Baby-”
“Don’t call me that when you’re leaving me.” Her gaze darkened.
“I’m not leaving you, Shawn. I don’t like that term.”
“You seem to like doing it whatever you want to call it.” He knew this wasn’t
helping and he couldn’t stop. He hated that about himself.
“Shawn! You told me to go.”
“I was being supportive! I was hoping you’d want to stay on your own. I was
hoping you’d love me like Topanga loved Cory enough not to go to Yale; but I
guess, once again, Shawn doesn’t get to be the one with the happy ending.”
“Stop it, Shawn. You’re ruining this. We only have today left.”
“And why is that, Angela? Because you’re moving to a different continent! I’m
not great at geography, but something tells me that’s not a subway ride away!”
She moved away from him and stared out at the distance.
“I just told you how much it meant to me to be with my father. You’re being
selfish.”
“Yeah, I just told you that too. Look, I know I can’t stop you from going and no
one is happier that you get to be with your dad. I meant that. I wish I
could've spent more time with my dad, but you know why I couldn’t? Because he
wasn’t there. He left. Your dad didn’t. He’s still there and he’s not leaving
you. He may be in Europe, but his heart is here with you and you got to grow up
with him. I didn’t get that. Already, you’ve had way more than I have had and
you know that. You know exactly how I feel about people leaving me. You worried
about doing it yourself and we had to convince you otherwise. Now, you’re just
proving us wrong. Can I remind you of a promise you made to never leave me?
‘Never leave,’ I asked, I begged. ‘I won’t,’ you promised. Well?”
Angela stared at him and started to cry, probably out of frustration because her words were cold.
“I cannot believe you would hold that over my head, you selfish idiot. You
needed comfort that night after you’d been drinking like a moron!”
“So, you didn’t mean any of the things you said to me? Ever?”
“You’re twisting my words.” She looked like she was going to slap him. He
wouldn’t blame her, but the fact that everyone he’d ever loved had left him
swarmed up and overtook his reason. He’d come back after his dad’s death for
her. For the people he knew loved him. Cory, Topanga, Jack, but for her, and
now she was throwing that in his face. Yet, he loved her and everything Cory had ever told him about love and everything he’d ever felt for her and everything she’d ever said to him became clear. He wasn’t going to be passive Shawn this time.
“You can slap me, Angela, and you can hate me, but I know that if I just let you go without telling you how I feel, you would resent me, I would resent me, and
there would be nothing left for you to come back to. I still don’t even know if
you will. But I love you and I don’t want you to leave me. For selfish reasons,
because I’m scared of losing you, because I think that you shouldn’t throw away
what we have when now is the time to be building a life apart from your father. He’s always going to be your father and I would never stand in the way of you having a relationship with him. But I want one with you too. And ours is new and fragile and if you go now, you know that it won’t survive. Are you willing to base the rest of your life on one year with your father?”
Angela didn’t say anything, but she never looked away. He took a deep breath and
got off the bench.
“Shawn…” she started. He put his hand to her lips.
“Look, I came here to ask you a very important question and I almost didn’t
because I thought that what you wanted was worth more than what I want, but I’ve
let you go too many times and I can’t do it again. I have to fight for you or I
will end up alone, and this time, it will be my fault.” He got down on one knee
and Angela’s mouth opened. “Angela, will you marry me?”
***
“Daddy, I love you more than anything, but I can’t come with you right now.”
“Hunter?”
“I just, I have to figure it out. I can’t - I’ll follow you in a few
days, or, or-“
“You got it, baby doll.” Sergeant Moore wrapped his girl up in his arms
and wished that she wasn’t grown up. He knew he had been the selfish one. He grabbed his bags and left. Angela headed straight for the phone.
***
“Thank God you’re still here; I thought I’d missed you.” Topanga dropped
her bag and gripped the phone tighter.
“Shawn proposed to me.”
“Oh. So, no Europe then. Dang, I was hoping for some mail postmarked
Brussels.”
“I didn’t say yes and what makes you think I would be sending you mail
anyway?”
“I am your best friend. And I know Shawn would’ve if he’d left Cory over
here.”
“Shawn would never leave Cory,” Angela said, “it’s an impossible thing.
We’ve both accepted that, now get to the point. Shawn proposed!”
“Well, what do you think?”
“I think I don’t know what got into the boy’s head. We’ve been back
together for so short a time and I’m leaving, supposed to have already left. He
gives me his blessing to go and then flips out and proposes. We’re only in
college. What’s his rush?”
“His rush is he sees someone he loves chasing after a long line of people
he loves and that line is headed away from him.”
“He knows I’m coming back.”
“Does he?” Topanga could practically see Angela’s heart sinking as she
realized she wasn’t sure he did. She was most likely replaying everything: his
entire history, her own refusal to get back together with him, her desire to
leave right afterward.
“Girl, I just, I don’t know what to do. I was so excited about Europe
and about being with my dad. I miss him so much. But now…”
“Now, you have to be a grown up. This isn’t like when I used to spend
summer at camp away from Cory. This is about real life stuff. If you leave him
now, it’s almost like signing a death sentence. Cory will be believing you’ll
end up together at ninety, but the reality is, you won’t.”
“Cory’s ideas are stupid, but they’re awful nice for all that,” Angela
said, her voice breaking a little.
“It’s why I married him. No one has more faith than him and faith is all
that gets us through life. That and the people who love us. Is that worth
losing? That’s what you have to decide.”
“You better have been accepted by that law firm cause your arguments keep
getting more convincing by the day.”
“I did.”
“Cory?”
“Dead faint. Shawn’s with him now. I don’t like to interrupt.”
“Neither would I. Congrats. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you. And I’ll be happy for you. Whatever you choose.” Topanga
hung up the phone, wishing in her heart she could do more, but she had her own problems to deal with.
***
Cory lifted his head from Shawn’s shoulder for a moment before letting it sink back down.
“Why, Shawnie, why? Why does God hate me so?”
“God just loves Topanga more,” Shawn said absently.
“Why would you say such an awful thing?” his best friend demanded.
“Life’s changing, we’re growing up. Bad things happen.”
“You’re upset about Angela again, aren’t you! Selfish swine.” Cory
jerked upright and threw his arms around his friend. “I didn’t mean it. I know she’ll say yes.” Shawn sighed in resignation.
“It’s okay, Cor. I just, I love her so much.”
“And I love Philly.” They sat together, staring at the sky, arms folded
across their chests and waited for the blows to fall. One more time.
***
“Hi, guys,” Angela said nervously. Cory and Shawn started at her approach. Cory jumped up eagerly.
“You’re saying yes, right? You won’t go away and change things even
more, right? You’ve come from Topanga and they fired her, right?”
“Cory, go home and talk to your wife. Grow up. Be happy for her. And
yes, I love Shawn.”
“That wasn’t a direct answer, but I’ll take it,” he said and left after
throwing Shawn a hopeful thumbs up.
“Hi,” Angela said, moving to sit next to Shawn.
“Hey,” he answered, rubbing his hands on his pants. “Nice night.”
“I can’t marry you,” she said. “But…” She held up her hands to stop him
from talking. “But I’m not going to Europe.” He let out the breath he'd been
holding.
“Talk more about that.” He still looked hurt.
“I love you more than I thought possible, Shawn. And that scares me.
Probably as much as it scares you. And I wanted to run away from that, take a
breather. But we’ve already done that. I thought we were getting too close, so
fast and I didn’t want to miss out on anything life has. I want what Cory and
Topanga have, just like I said on our first real date, but I didn’t want to have
to be tied down so young.”
“Angela, I never meant-“
“I know. Listen, I forgot that just because you have someone who loves
you, doesn’t mean you’re missing out. It means that you’re ahead of the curve.
We already did the things that people do who are dating. Face it, we are Cory
and Topanga. Hipper, cooler, not quite as neurotic, but we are them and that’s
okay. Lightening struck twice.”
“I get to be Cory?” Shawn mused. “I get to have what he has? Are you sure?”
She smiled at him.
“We don’t have to get married, we can still travel, but we can do it together.
Somewhere close so you can get home to Cory.” He smiled and she continued. “I
never want to leave you and I honestly wasn’t thinking about the big picture. I
really wasn’t. If I had thought, truly thought, about what my leaving would mean
to you and to us, I would have never considered it. You come first in my life.
You always will. That still scares me, but I mean it. I said I won’t leave and
I won’t.”
“I can’t bind you here forever,” he said slowly.
“You asked me to marry you, didn’t you?” she asked dryly.
“Yes, but, I don’t want to hold you back because of my insecurities. I
want you to be happy more than anything.”
“I am happiest when I’m with you. My father can see it, Cory will say
nothing else, I feel it, even Mr. Feeny says so.”
“And that guy knows everything.”
“Everything.” She took his hand and leaned in close. “So, ask me again
someday. Someday soon, but not too soon. And I will be more than happy to say
yes. In the meantime, we better be strong and plan what’s going to happen next
because our friends aren’t as quick to figure things out as we are.”
“Sometimes I think they have the right idea,” he said as he closed the
distance between them. He grazed her lips lightly and then with more passion.
“Thank you for staying for me. It makes me feel like I’m worth so much.”
“You are, Shawn Hunter, but I’m not staying for you. I’m staying because
I’m an adult who knows what I want. I’m staying for us.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He kissed her again and it would be
quite awhile before he stopped. And then he would hold her and they would look
at the stars and if he repeated some poems to her, it wouldn’t be out of place.
It would be a bookmark to mark their new journey together. A journey into a
brave new world, one that no one knew the end to. But they would make it their
own.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Shawn/Angela, Cory/Topanga
Summary: I couldn't stop at one. So, this time Shawn actually does ask Angela to marry him. She must do some hard thinking. Cory and Topanga help out. Well, Topanga does. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own BMW. Some lines are from the show. The title is by John Bunyan
Put to my Plunge
“You came to say good-bye to me?”
“No, I will never say good-bye to you, because if I say good-bye to you then, whoo! That’s it. That’s good-bye.”
“You’re right. We should never say good-bye. Because we’re gonna write each
other every day and we’re gonna call each other and it’ll be like we’ve never
even been apart.” She still didn’t get it.
“Yes. Exactly. We should never be apart. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He led her to the door, because he would never have a better
opening.
“And when you love somebody, Angela, it’s okay to be a little selfish.”
“Yeah?” She kissed him. There was nothing on this earth he loved better than
her lips. “Thank you…for letting me be selfish.”
“No, no. Not you, me. Look, there’s something I gotta ask you right now.”
“You know, because you’re the only person that knows how important it is for me
and my dad to spend this time together.” She moved away from him and he could
feel his heart splinter as she left. “I only wish you and your dad had this time
together. I’m so sorry you didn’t. Thank you for giving me my chance.” And
that was it, wasn’t it, because how could he possibly dash her choice with his
own selfishness, his own need? She clearly wanted her father more than him.
“I’m really happy for both of you.”
“What was it that you wanted to ask me?” She leaned in close and he swore he
could get lost in her eyes.
“I wanted to ask you to come out with me for a minute.”
“Of course. Daddy, I’ll be right back.” Her father looked at her and Shawn
almost thought he saw resignation in the man’s eyes. But how could that be when
the other man had won?
Shawn led her outside and he sat her down on a bench and he tried to figure out
exactly how to savor his last moments with her.
“I’m gonna miss you so much,” she said. “It’s hard to leave you after we spent
so much time apart.” And then he wanted to laugh. How could she say those
things? It was rubbing it in. She was the one leaving him. Well, suddenly, it
didn’t matter anymore. She was leaving. He was going to be honest for the final
time.
“Then don’t go,” he croaked out, turning to look at her. She smiled, slightly
confused.
“Baby-”
“Don’t call me that when you’re leaving me.” Her gaze darkened.
“I’m not leaving you, Shawn. I don’t like that term.”
“You seem to like doing it whatever you want to call it.” He knew this wasn’t
helping and he couldn’t stop. He hated that about himself.
“Shawn! You told me to go.”
“I was being supportive! I was hoping you’d want to stay on your own. I was
hoping you’d love me like Topanga loved Cory enough not to go to Yale; but I
guess, once again, Shawn doesn’t get to be the one with the happy ending.”
“Stop it, Shawn. You’re ruining this. We only have today left.”
“And why is that, Angela? Because you’re moving to a different continent! I’m
not great at geography, but something tells me that’s not a subway ride away!”
She moved away from him and stared out at the distance.
“I just told you how much it meant to me to be with my father. You’re being
selfish.”
“Yeah, I just told you that too. Look, I know I can’t stop you from going and no
one is happier that you get to be with your dad. I meant that. I wish I
could've spent more time with my dad, but you know why I couldn’t? Because he
wasn’t there. He left. Your dad didn’t. He’s still there and he’s not leaving
you. He may be in Europe, but his heart is here with you and you got to grow up
with him. I didn’t get that. Already, you’ve had way more than I have had and
you know that. You know exactly how I feel about people leaving me. You worried
about doing it yourself and we had to convince you otherwise. Now, you’re just
proving us wrong. Can I remind you of a promise you made to never leave me?
‘Never leave,’ I asked, I begged. ‘I won’t,’ you promised. Well?”
Angela stared at him and started to cry, probably out of frustration because her words were cold.
“I cannot believe you would hold that over my head, you selfish idiot. You
needed comfort that night after you’d been drinking like a moron!”
“So, you didn’t mean any of the things you said to me? Ever?”
“You’re twisting my words.” She looked like she was going to slap him. He
wouldn’t blame her, but the fact that everyone he’d ever loved had left him
swarmed up and overtook his reason. He’d come back after his dad’s death for
her. For the people he knew loved him. Cory, Topanga, Jack, but for her, and
now she was throwing that in his face. Yet, he loved her and everything Cory had ever told him about love and everything he’d ever felt for her and everything she’d ever said to him became clear. He wasn’t going to be passive Shawn this time.
“You can slap me, Angela, and you can hate me, but I know that if I just let you go without telling you how I feel, you would resent me, I would resent me, and
there would be nothing left for you to come back to. I still don’t even know if
you will. But I love you and I don’t want you to leave me. For selfish reasons,
because I’m scared of losing you, because I think that you shouldn’t throw away
what we have when now is the time to be building a life apart from your father. He’s always going to be your father and I would never stand in the way of you having a relationship with him. But I want one with you too. And ours is new and fragile and if you go now, you know that it won’t survive. Are you willing to base the rest of your life on one year with your father?”
Angela didn’t say anything, but she never looked away. He took a deep breath and
got off the bench.
“Shawn…” she started. He put his hand to her lips.
“Look, I came here to ask you a very important question and I almost didn’t
because I thought that what you wanted was worth more than what I want, but I’ve
let you go too many times and I can’t do it again. I have to fight for you or I
will end up alone, and this time, it will be my fault.” He got down on one knee
and Angela’s mouth opened. “Angela, will you marry me?”
***
“Daddy, I love you more than anything, but I can’t come with you right now.”
“Hunter?”
“I just, I have to figure it out. I can’t - I’ll follow you in a few
days, or, or-“
“You got it, baby doll.” Sergeant Moore wrapped his girl up in his arms
and wished that she wasn’t grown up. He knew he had been the selfish one. He grabbed his bags and left. Angela headed straight for the phone.
***
“Thank God you’re still here; I thought I’d missed you.” Topanga dropped
her bag and gripped the phone tighter.
“Shawn proposed to me.”
“Oh. So, no Europe then. Dang, I was hoping for some mail postmarked
Brussels.”
“I didn’t say yes and what makes you think I would be sending you mail
anyway?”
“I am your best friend. And I know Shawn would’ve if he’d left Cory over
here.”
“Shawn would never leave Cory,” Angela said, “it’s an impossible thing.
We’ve both accepted that, now get to the point. Shawn proposed!”
“Well, what do you think?”
“I think I don’t know what got into the boy’s head. We’ve been back
together for so short a time and I’m leaving, supposed to have already left. He
gives me his blessing to go and then flips out and proposes. We’re only in
college. What’s his rush?”
“His rush is he sees someone he loves chasing after a long line of people
he loves and that line is headed away from him.”
“He knows I’m coming back.”
“Does he?” Topanga could practically see Angela’s heart sinking as she
realized she wasn’t sure he did. She was most likely replaying everything: his
entire history, her own refusal to get back together with him, her desire to
leave right afterward.
“Girl, I just, I don’t know what to do. I was so excited about Europe
and about being with my dad. I miss him so much. But now…”
“Now, you have to be a grown up. This isn’t like when I used to spend
summer at camp away from Cory. This is about real life stuff. If you leave him
now, it’s almost like signing a death sentence. Cory will be believing you’ll
end up together at ninety, but the reality is, you won’t.”
“Cory’s ideas are stupid, but they’re awful nice for all that,” Angela
said, her voice breaking a little.
“It’s why I married him. No one has more faith than him and faith is all
that gets us through life. That and the people who love us. Is that worth
losing? That’s what you have to decide.”
“You better have been accepted by that law firm cause your arguments keep
getting more convincing by the day.”
“I did.”
“Cory?”
“Dead faint. Shawn’s with him now. I don’t like to interrupt.”
“Neither would I. Congrats. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you. And I’ll be happy for you. Whatever you choose.” Topanga
hung up the phone, wishing in her heart she could do more, but she had her own problems to deal with.
***
Cory lifted his head from Shawn’s shoulder for a moment before letting it sink back down.
“Why, Shawnie, why? Why does God hate me so?”
“God just loves Topanga more,” Shawn said absently.
“Why would you say such an awful thing?” his best friend demanded.
“Life’s changing, we’re growing up. Bad things happen.”
“You’re upset about Angela again, aren’t you! Selfish swine.” Cory
jerked upright and threw his arms around his friend. “I didn’t mean it. I know she’ll say yes.” Shawn sighed in resignation.
“It’s okay, Cor. I just, I love her so much.”
“And I love Philly.” They sat together, staring at the sky, arms folded
across their chests and waited for the blows to fall. One more time.
***
“Hi, guys,” Angela said nervously. Cory and Shawn started at her approach. Cory jumped up eagerly.
“You’re saying yes, right? You won’t go away and change things even
more, right? You’ve come from Topanga and they fired her, right?”
“Cory, go home and talk to your wife. Grow up. Be happy for her. And
yes, I love Shawn.”
“That wasn’t a direct answer, but I’ll take it,” he said and left after
throwing Shawn a hopeful thumbs up.
“Hi,” Angela said, moving to sit next to Shawn.
“Hey,” he answered, rubbing his hands on his pants. “Nice night.”
“I can’t marry you,” she said. “But…” She held up her hands to stop him
from talking. “But I’m not going to Europe.” He let out the breath he'd been
holding.
“Talk more about that.” He still looked hurt.
“I love you more than I thought possible, Shawn. And that scares me.
Probably as much as it scares you. And I wanted to run away from that, take a
breather. But we’ve already done that. I thought we were getting too close, so
fast and I didn’t want to miss out on anything life has. I want what Cory and
Topanga have, just like I said on our first real date, but I didn’t want to have
to be tied down so young.”
“Angela, I never meant-“
“I know. Listen, I forgot that just because you have someone who loves
you, doesn’t mean you’re missing out. It means that you’re ahead of the curve.
We already did the things that people do who are dating. Face it, we are Cory
and Topanga. Hipper, cooler, not quite as neurotic, but we are them and that’s
okay. Lightening struck twice.”
“I get to be Cory?” Shawn mused. “I get to have what he has? Are you sure?”
She smiled at him.
“We don’t have to get married, we can still travel, but we can do it together.
Somewhere close so you can get home to Cory.” He smiled and she continued. “I
never want to leave you and I honestly wasn’t thinking about the big picture. I
really wasn’t. If I had thought, truly thought, about what my leaving would mean
to you and to us, I would have never considered it. You come first in my life.
You always will. That still scares me, but I mean it. I said I won’t leave and
I won’t.”
“I can’t bind you here forever,” he said slowly.
“You asked me to marry you, didn’t you?” she asked dryly.
“Yes, but, I don’t want to hold you back because of my insecurities. I
want you to be happy more than anything.”
“I am happiest when I’m with you. My father can see it, Cory will say
nothing else, I feel it, even Mr. Feeny says so.”
“And that guy knows everything.”
“Everything.” She took his hand and leaned in close. “So, ask me again
someday. Someday soon, but not too soon. And I will be more than happy to say
yes. In the meantime, we better be strong and plan what’s going to happen next
because our friends aren’t as quick to figure things out as we are.”
“Sometimes I think they have the right idea,” he said as he closed the
distance between them. He grazed her lips lightly and then with more passion.
“Thank you for staying for me. It makes me feel like I’m worth so much.”
“You are, Shawn Hunter, but I’m not staying for you. I’m staying because
I’m an adult who knows what I want. I’m staying for us.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He kissed her again and it would be
quite awhile before he stopped. And then he would hold her and they would look
at the stars and if he repeated some poems to her, it wouldn’t be out of place.
It would be a bookmark to mark their new journey together. A journey into a
brave new world, one that no one knew the end to. But they would make it their
own.