SWR Oneshot: The Forms of Things Unknown
Title: The Forms of Things Unknown
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG
Summary: Ezra's thoughts and conversations at his tower upon returning to Lothal post-epilogue
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars Rebels. The title is from William Shakespeare.
A/N: Written for tendokage during the Rebels the Fourth exchange on Tumblr
The Forms of Things Unknown
Ezra leaned against the railing, the metal both familiar and completely foreign under his fingers. It had been years since he had been here, but he was finally back; home on Lothal, home in his tower. It looked completely different and the differences were only good so far. Familiar faces were gone, but the shining city that sprawled in front of the sea was a glorious sight compared to the dark factories belching up smoke that he’d become accustomed to as he grew up.
It was hard to believe that everything was finally over. His home was freed, and so was the galaxy, and his own years of wandering and questing and seeing strange places were over. It had been hard and strangely good at the same time, but his relief at being home was so palpable he could taste it. He was back to the support of his family and his friends and he didn’t have to rely so fully on himself. He could admit it had been good for him, to learn to stand on his own feet after Kanan’s death, but he knew he was at his best when working with people he could trust.
Even now, years after he and Thrawn had formed their alliance, Ezra still found it difficult not to second guess the other man’s motives enough to feel real trust in him.
Ezra idly fingered his hair, grown long enough now he tied it back most of the time. It was, as Thrawn had needlessly pointed out once, an imitation of his master’s, but Ezra wasn’t ashamed of that. He’d cut his hair once in an attempt to appear older and more mature, but now he knew the length had nothing to do with his level of maturity. Deliberating honoring the man who had made him who he was, that was something Ezra could live with.
Hera, Sabine, Zeb, Ahsoka, Chopper, and Jacen were waiting for him back at the capital but Ezra had wanted one quick trip to the past, to meditate on what had changed for him through the Force. He’d been there for a few hours and it was time he got back.
“It’s quite a sight, isn’t it?” said a voice from behind him.
Ezra stiffened a little bit. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that voice since the man it belonged to had died, but it had been a very long time.
“I honestly never thought I’d see it this way again,” Ezra admitted, turning to face Kanan.
His master looked like he did when Ezra had met him, though his outlines were tinged blue, and Ezra could feel the pureness of the Force standing in front of him.
“I’m glad you did,” Kanan said. “So, coming home everything you thought it would be?”
“Nope,” said Ezra. “Everyone’s changed so much. I can’t believe Jacen is so old. They all have their own lives now. It’s not like it was.”
“No,” said Kanan. “But even though we had some good times, constantly fighting for our lives and the galaxy is not the upbringing I would have wanted for you.”
“Don’t go getting protective now,” said Ezra, grinning. “At least Jacen is going to know peace.”
“Yes,” said Kanan and the look of pure love on his face was practically blinding.
“Are you coming back with me?” Ezra asked, gesturing to the city.
“I’ll be there,” said Kanan. “You might not always see me, but I’ll be there.”
“Does Hera know that?” Ezra teased.
“Of course,” said Kanan, then actually sat down, leaning against the building. “So you want to tell me what brought you out here?”
“I guess dying makes a person really blunt,” said Ezra, sitting cross legged on the floor, facing his master.
“Well, I’m slightly more insightful than I used to be,” Kanan said easily. “I know something about what you’ve been through, but not everything.”
“Well, five years is a long time,” said Ezra.
“What happened when you left Lothal?” Kanan asked, his tone casual.
Ezra tried to cast his mind back that far. That was before…everything.
***
The blue of hyperspace rushed past the broken windows but Ezra felt reassured the purrgil were keeping him and Thrawn safe in the bridge of Thrawn’s once proud Star Destroyer.
Ezra’s arms ached and he badly needed some bacta on the blaster wound on his shoulder. He felt beyond tired, but he’d chosen his path and he was going to walk it the best he could. He lowered the arm that had thrust Thrawn back into the embrace of the purrgill. Thrawn wasn’t going anywhere.
Those Stormtroopers on the other hand, they weren’t going to give up. So Ezra spared one quick wish for his lightsaber, then took hold of Thrawn’s blaster and worked on welding the doors shut. Then he moved to the controls and put a seal on the door. A lot of systems were completely inoperative from the purrggil attack, but Ezra could still use sensors. There were fifty-three life signs aboard the vessel, including him and Thrawn. Ezra didn’t know if he could take down that many troopers in his present condition. Best not to worry about it until it happened.
Thrawn was watching him with measuring eyes, but Ezra tried to ignore him as much as possible while still watching him carefully. Ezra wasn’t incredibly familiar with the bridges of Destroyers, though considerably more than he had been since joining the Ghost crew. Still, he figured they had to keep some kind of emergency medpac around, so he rooted around trying to find it.
“In the compartment on your left,” Thrawn’s voice said finally.
Ezra narrowed his eyes at him, but supposed Thrawn had gotten sick of watching Ezra search and/or was planning something. The medpac was where Thrawn had indicated and Ezra tried to keep from sighing in relief as he manipulated a bacta patch on his shoulder and felt its warmth on his burnt skin. He could do with someone experienced looking at it, but he felt like he could cope much better.
“Thanks,” he said, almost automatically.
“You are quite welcome,” Thrawn replied. “May I ask your next step?”
“No, you may not,” Ezra said.
“Have you any idea where your friends are taking us?” Thrawn asked next.
“Even if I did, I doubt I would tell you,” muttered Ezra, continuing his reconnaissance mission of the bridge.
It was sadly lacking in anything he thought he could use. The sounds of the troopers trying to open the door continued in the background and he brought up the badly damaged camera to the hallway outside the door to watch their progress.
“Once we arrive,” continued Thrawn casually, “eventually the troopers will open the door. They are under my command, not yours. You are still wounded and alone. It seems you have not thought this through.”
Ezra had thought about it. He’d thought a lot about it when he decided to bring in the purrgil. This was something the Force was guiding him on, not something it was giving him step by step instructions for. Either way, he knew what was doing was right, but that didn’t mean he had any kind of plan for what happened next.
“I accomplished what I needed to,” said Ezra. “That’s enough for me.”
“It’s folly to only think one step ahead,” said Thrawn. “I myself always attempt at least three. Why do you think I succeeded so well against you?”
“A conversation about what I think about you would not be helpful at this point,” said Ezra. “So, just stop talking.”
“Very well,” said Thrawn. “But I do think you could benefit from my help at this juncture.”
Ezra kept himself from rolling his eyes, just barely, and returned to what he was doing.
***
“That must have been fun,” Kanan remarked.
“Yeah, just loads,” said Ezra. “It’s funny actually, remembering it. It was so long ago and things are so different now.”
“Where did you end up?” Kanan asked.
***
Ezra opened his eyes. It had been a full day since they had entered hyperspace. Thrawn was still held tightly by the purrgil and the sounds of Stormtroopers attempting to break through had died down, though they returned occasionally. The sensors indicated thirty six lifeforms. After multiple short, sometimes very tense, exchanges with Thrawn, Ezra had knelt on the floor and surrendered himself to the Force, something he felt Kanan would do. It had helped to pass the time, but now he sensed that their journey was nearing completion.
With a jolt the ship left hyperspace and for a second Ezra spotted the stars again before a giant brown mass rose in his vision and the ship suddenly began to fall. The tentacles that held Thrawn withdrew and Ezra pointed his blaster at Thrawn as he fell to the floor.
“It appears we have arrived,” Thrawn said, painfully picking himself up. Ezra could only imagine how numb the other man had to be after being held so tightly for so long. “I ask again, what is your next step?”
“Surviving,” Ezra said truthfully as the ship lurched and he tried to keep his foothold. “This ship isn’t flying anymore and we’re about to crash so I’d hold on to something.”
Thrawn limped to an alcove in the wall and clung to it. Ezra found the seat with restraints he had picked for this eventuality and buckled himself in. His stomach rolled with the buckling of the ship even as the thrusters he’d preprogrammed tried their best to slow their descent.
With a sickening crack he felt the impact in every bone in his body, and he had to work to keep himself as relaxed as possible. Debris flew through the air and Ezra kept his head down to avoid being hit. There was a cry from across the room and he saw Thrawn falling out one of the windows. As soon as his head stopped rattling, Ezra unbuckled himself and ran to the window. Thrawn was awkwardly lying just below the window, on a ledge. His head was bleeding and he was cradling his legs which looked to be bent unnaturally from Ezra’s viewpoint.
He sighed, because he knew he couldn’t just leave the man there.
First, Ezra tried to see if there were any other life signs on board, but he couldn’t get any of the systems to function. He reached out with his senses but he couldn’t find any life apart from Thrawn. The doors he had sealed shut had been blasted open upon impact and Ezra scrambled over the fallen debris to look out into the hallway. He could see into open space from there; not much of the ship was left attached, and bodies lay smashed and scattered.
Ezra took the medpac he had carefully stored and attached it to his back before grabbing his blaster and making his way out of the window. It was only a short climb down to Thrawn and Ezra would have jumped if he had been feeling better. As it was, he wanted to conserve his energy.
“Well, this looks fun,” he said, once he got down. “Feeling good about your life choices?”
“I would rather not be in this situation,” Thrawn admitted, clenching his teeth.
Ezra checked his head first, but to his limited experience it looked worse than it probably was. He scanned Thrawn’s legs and there was no doubt they were both broken.
“The good news is you’re not dead,” Ezra said. “The better news, you’re not walking anytime soon.”
“I had already assessed that for myself,” Thrawn said dryly.
Ezra sprayed him with some nullicaine and Thrawn visibly relaxed. The legs would have to be set and there was no one else around and no medical equipment to use. He found a small sense of satisfaction in manually setting Thrawn’s legs and hearing Thrawn’s grunts of pain as the scanner showed him what to do. Ezra tried to find something around him he could use as splints, but there weren’t a lot of options so he focused on putting dermaseal on Thrawn’s head wound. Once that was done, he took stock of the amount of bacta he had available. It would have to do for Thrawn’s legs, but Ezra didn’t want to waste it and he wasn’t so sure he wanted Thrawn up and walking sooner anyway.
“Even at my own expense, I admire the effort you are putting into a proper strategy,” Thrawn said, studying him, and Ezra flushed.
“I’m going to see what I can find that will get you back in the ship,” said Ezra. “Try not to go anywhere.”
He took the medpac with him and climbed back onto the bridge. He looked for a moment out of the window at the world they now inhabited. It felt lonely and desolate, nothing but smooth dirt as far as he could see. He could no longer feel the purrgil. They had dropped him and moved on, though he supposed he was grateful they had dropped him into an atmosphere instead of empty space where he would have died immediately.
Ezra still couldn’t sense any other life but Thrawn and he supposed that he had a lot of work ahead of him. He’d have to search the rest of the ship, find supplies and weapons, recon the area, and make sure there were no threats. He also had to find out where he was. He sighed and then smiled; after all, he’d been in worse spots than this. He couldn’t think of many, but he at least had somewhere to start.
***
“So what did you end up doing?” Kanan asked and Ezra narrowed his eyes, suspecting Kanan already knew this story and was just trying to get Ezra to talk about it.
“I did exactly that,” Ezra said. “I got Thrawn back inside and locked him up. There wasn’t anybody else alive. Whoever didn’t die in hyperspace died in the crash. The ship’s systems were dead and there weren’t any other inhabitants nearby. I foraged for some food and rationed it out while I tried to fix something to help us figure out where we were.”
“That must have been hard,” Kanan said unnecessarily.
“Of course,” said Ezra. “Luckily, I’m pretty quick on my feet and I’d learned a lot.”
“I’m still sorry you went through that alone,” said Kanan gently.
“Hey, I had Thrawn,” said Ezra, laughing. “Not that I considered that to be a good thing at first. He was pretty helpful directing me to where stuff was, but I figured everything was a trap until it turned out it wasn’t.”
“Clearly you reached some kind of understanding,” Kanan said.
“Yes, the day I managed to get the navigation system somewhat back online,” said Ezra.
***
”You will never fix it until you let me help you,” Thrawn said from where he was cuffed to the railing.
“I’m good, thanks,” said Ezra.
Thrawn’s legs weren’t completely healed but he could hobble places on his own so he was far more dangerous than he had been. Ezra kept him locked up or where he could keep an eye on him these days. They were two months in to their habitation on this world and Ezra was almost longing for the good old days when Thrawn couldn’t walk and Ezra could leave him on the ship unattended.
“You’ve been working on it for fifteen days,” Thrawn said.
“Look, you’ve already helped,” said Ezra, “and you’ll help more by shutting up.”
Thrawn sighed but did not say anything more and Ezra returned to his work.
It was a few hours later when he heard a satisfying click and thrum of energy.
“Impressive,” said Thrawn as Ezra jumped up from under the console and eagerly waited for the cracked screen to do something, anything.
“I know,” said Ezra.
He frowned though, staring at the screen.
“What is it?” Thrawn asked.
“I can’t tell where we are,” Ezra said. “I don’t know if it’s because the systems were damaged or because this is somewhere uncharted.”
“Given the length of time we spent in hyperspace,” Thrawn said, “I would say we are almost certainly beyond charted space and somewhere in the Unknown Territories. The navigation system only confirms that theory. Your friends certainly know how to remove a threat.”
Ezra shot him a look. Was Thrawn making a joke? It didn’t seem likely.
“So, we don’t know where we are and can’t contact anyone and have no way to try and get home,” Ezra said, surmising their situation.
“That would appear to be the case,” Thrawn agreed. “I’m afraid that only leads us with one alternative.”
“Which is?” Ezra asked.
“To join forces,” Thrawn said calmly. “We are both at a disadvantage and neither of us is as strong alone as we would be together. The only logical solution is to attempt to work together to find our way back to a system we are familiar with.”
“Yeah, I don’t trust you. At all,” said Ezra.
“Understandably,” said Thrawn. “But I do not believe you have much of a choice.”
“Oh, dying alone is looking pretty good,” said Ezra.
“I will not harm you, Ezra Bridger,” said Thrawn. “I would not destroy an ally once claimed as such.”
“Your word doesn’t mean much,” said Ezra.
“Lies and subterfuge do have their place in battle and strategy,” said Thrawn, “and I have used them against you. Yet, I think you will find if you think back to our previous encounters, I spoke the truth to you. There was no reason to do anything else. The truth is a far more effective weapon than most realize. I promise you, I will be your ally until we reach a system where we can safely part ways.”
Ezra made a face and tried to think of a time he could cast up to Thrawn when he’d deliberately lied to him, but couldn’t. Ezra was also desperate. He and Thrawn would have to cover this world on foot unless they could find transportation. In the meantime, they needed food and supplies and maps and it would take Ezra twice as long to find everything himself and he’d have to be looking over his shoulder the whole time.
Maybe it was because he’d spent so much time trusting Maul only to have it go horribly wrong and hurt the people he loved, but Ezra had a hard time even thinking about trusting an enemy. On the other hand, Thrawn wasn’t Maul. Not that Ezra would trust him, but even if Thrawn was only helpful some of the time and trying to kill him the other part, it would still be easier than if Ezra did everything himself. And the first time Thrawn tried anything, Ezra would just kill him and he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about it.
Besides, even though he hadn’t wanted to admit it, Ezra could feel in the Force this was the right thing to do. It had been nudging him closer and closer to Thrawn and Ezra just hadn’t wanted to give in to that. There was too much pain and anger about the death of his people. But Ezra had learned at his peril to ignore the Force when it was this clear and he’d put himself on this path for a reason.
So he put out his hand and undid Thrawn’s bindings.
“Deal,” said Ezra. “Allies until we’re safe, but I will kill you if you try anything.”
Thrawn simply nodded and Ezra turned back to the navigation screen, trying to see if any of the sensors were working. Maybe they could scan the planet and figure out if there would be any help there or if they were going to have to try to find a way off of it.
***
“We modified an escape pod to a city on the far side of the planet,” said Ezra. “Then from there to the next system and the next and the next.”
“Thrawn remained loyal,” Kanan said.
“Surprisingly,” said Ezra. “Annoying as anything, but helpful.”
“You made many stops along the way,” said Kanan. He reached out a ghostly hand and pointed to Ezra’s lightsaber. “Including one for that.”
“Yeah, but you already know that story,” said Ezra.
He and Thrawn had found a temple. Not a Jedi temple, but a place steeped in the Force. Ezra had met Kanan’s spirit there and found a kyber crystal which he had then used to build a new lightsaber. He fingered it now, relishing the feel of it in his hand. It wasn’t exactly the same as the first one he had built, but it also could double as a blaster and felt right when he used it.
It had taken him a long time to realize that when he’d been building one after Malachor it had been too much under the direction of the Sith holocron. He’d rejected the previous design, wanting something sleek and powerful and deadly, only used to destroy, not to defend. He’d never thought much about why he’d built the stunning bolts into his first saber, getting the idea from his energy slingshot, and being as creative as possible. But now he knew he hadn’t liked the idea of killing.
When Ezra had met Kanan again, finding his crystal, it had felt like coming home even though he was still years away from that happening. It had brought to mind what it was like building his first saber and he’d put that into building this one. He had his former saber now, too, presented to him by Sabine when she’d found him, but he preferred his new one.
“I do,” Kanan said. “I was glad I could be there. I remember feeling your presence and was thankful you weren’t lost.”
“Well, it was a good thing you did,” said Ezra. “You saved my life that day and then you told Sabine and Ahsoka how to find me, so, thanks for looking out for me. Master.”
“It was still a long road home,” said Kanan. “You’ve grown a lot.”
“I had to,” said Ezra. “Thrawn always says I learn faster than I should.”
“Should I be jealous?” asked Kanan, grinning.
Ezra laughed.
“Of Thrawn? Come on, Kanan. He may be my friend, but you’re my family, my teacher, my…” Ezra trailed off, still not really able to say the word father without feeling disloyal to his dad, even though it was the truth.
“I’m just teasing,” said Kanan, standing up, but he looked gratified nonetheless. “I think you will adjust well to being back.”
“So I passed the test,” Ezra said, teasing back. “I’m safe to come home?”
“You have much ahead of you, Ezra,” said Kanan, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t wait to see it.”
“I can’t wait to do it with my family,” Ezra said, which was true.
“I’m going ahead,” said Kanan.
“Tell Hera I’ll be there soon,” said Ezra.
Kanan vanished and Ezra turned to look at Lothal’s moons rising.
“By the light of Lothal’s moons,” said a voice from behind him.
“Did you turn into a Fulcrum agent when I wasn’t looking?” he retorted.
“I do not think there is any need for them now,” said Thrawn, instead of rising to the bait.
He was always infuriatingly calm.
“Look,” said Ezra, returning his gaze to the city. “Look.”
“A lovely sight,” Thrawn conceded.
“You once told me I could have let my people die,” said Ezra. “You still think that?”
Thrawn was quiet for a long time.
“I am glad you did not,” he said and Ezra knew that was the most he would get out of him.
It had been that way for years. Thrawn had changed, and so had Ezra, but some things never did.
***
”It’s time for me to go,” said Ezra.
“It appears so,” said Thrawn. “The time of our alliance is at an end.”
“More than three years,” said Ezra with a half-smile. “I didn’t think we’d last a day.”
“You underestimated me,” said Thrawn. “A common failing I have observed in you.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” said Ezra and he was only half-joking.
“I am touched,” replied Thrawn. “But they are waiting for you.”
He gestured to behind Ezra where Sabine and Ahsoka stood, waiting at the ship they had arrived on hours before. It was apparently still a long way back to charted systems, but they had been charting as they went so they would at least be going on a known heading.
Ezra stood still, trying to reconcile the glad feelings of seeing Sabine and Ahsoka and knowing his family and his home were safe and fear that he’d been gone too long. It had been weird after the first few moments with Sabine, looking at her older eyes and her shorter hair, hair that he realized was a tribute to him, armor that had purrgill on the shoulder pad. The stories she had to tell of Hera and the battles they’d fought and young Jacen were all so foreign to Ezra now, and while he ached to experience them himself, he was almost afraid to.
“I wouldn’t have made it without you,” said Ezra finally.
“This is true,” said Thrawn.
“And you could have left before now,” said Ezra. “You knew where we were a long time ago and I still don’t know.”
“This is where I come from,” said Thrawn. “But much has changed and it was not where I wanted to be. I saw no reason to break an alliance useful to me.”
“I really hate you sometimes,” Ezra said, sighing.
“This is also true,” said Thrawn, but he smiled his rather unnerving smile.
Ezra had always found it creepy but he found he could tell now when it was genuine and when it was sardonic.
“Come with me,” Ezra finally offered.
“An unexpected offer.” Thrawn raised an eyebrow at him.
“No, it’s not,” said Ezra. “We’ve talked about this. You know you’re not loyal to the Empire and there is no Empire now. I’m not saying you’d be welcomed back but wouldn’t you rather come with me than try and make the rest of the way on your own?”
“While I regret many of my actions,” said Thrawn, “I have no wish to rot incarcerated for them.”
“I’ll speak for you and you don’t have to stay with me,” said Ezra. “Just…finish the journey with me.”
Thrawn mused on that for a moment.
“We are stronger together,” he acknowledged. “But this part of the journey will not be like the first.”
“Half-starved and chased and never knowing what was going on?” Ezra suggested.
“It will not be about survival,” said Thrawn.
“Because we already survived,” said Ezra and stuck out his hand. “Now we get to live. Deal?”
Thrawn shook his hand.
***
“What are your plans?” Ezra asked.
“I find I have none,” said Thrawn, joining Ezra at the railing.
“You can still stay if you want,” Ezra offered.
“I do not want that,” said Thrawn. “Nor would your family. I need to find my place in this new order.”
“I think I know mine,” said Ezra, spreading his senses out to the wind.
Lothal was prospering but there was still a lot of rebuilding to do. Not just here. And there were children everyone, lost children, abandoned children, kids like him who needed to know someone cared and someone thought about their future. Even kids like Jacen who had a loving family, needed someone to teach him. Hera had asked him practically the moment she saw him, showing Ezra Kanan’s recovered lightsaber she’d kept for Jacen, and Ezra had never felt as honored, especially when he knew he would have Kanan’s blessing and Ahsoka’s guidance.
“There was never any doubt of that,” said Thrawn. “I wish you good fortune, Ezra Bridger.”
“Until we meet again,” said Ezra. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I met you, it’s that you always turn up again.”
“I am always three steps ahead of you,” said Thrawn, bringing up his old argument, and left.
Ezra shook his head fondly and made to leave himself. Before he did though he stopped and took one last look at the mural Sabine had done on the wall of his tower, different than the one she’d painted in the ruins of the dome in Lothal. He was no art critic but even he could see the maturity and depth of her strokes and how she had managed to capture the single most important thing in his life, his family and his home. He wasn’t going to waste any more time. After getting his speeder, he whipped through the fields of Lothal, skidding to a stop outside the port the Ghost was housed in.
“Welcome home,” he heard Kanan whisper from somewhere ahead of him.
Ezra stepped up the open ramp into the Ghost, following the raucous voices of his family.
“Ezra Bridger, it’s about time,” said Hera.
Ezra smiled. Everything changed, everything stayed the same. He might not know exactly how this side of the galaxy worked anymore, but it was familiar enough that he could figure it out and he was looking forward to every minute.
by Jesterlady
Rating: PG
Summary: Ezra's thoughts and conversations at his tower upon returning to Lothal post-epilogue
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars Rebels. The title is from William Shakespeare.
A/N: Written for tendokage during the Rebels the Fourth exchange on Tumblr
The Forms of Things Unknown
Ezra leaned against the railing, the metal both familiar and completely foreign under his fingers. It had been years since he had been here, but he was finally back; home on Lothal, home in his tower. It looked completely different and the differences were only good so far. Familiar faces were gone, but the shining city that sprawled in front of the sea was a glorious sight compared to the dark factories belching up smoke that he’d become accustomed to as he grew up.
It was hard to believe that everything was finally over. His home was freed, and so was the galaxy, and his own years of wandering and questing and seeing strange places were over. It had been hard and strangely good at the same time, but his relief at being home was so palpable he could taste it. He was back to the support of his family and his friends and he didn’t have to rely so fully on himself. He could admit it had been good for him, to learn to stand on his own feet after Kanan’s death, but he knew he was at his best when working with people he could trust.
Even now, years after he and Thrawn had formed their alliance, Ezra still found it difficult not to second guess the other man’s motives enough to feel real trust in him.
Ezra idly fingered his hair, grown long enough now he tied it back most of the time. It was, as Thrawn had needlessly pointed out once, an imitation of his master’s, but Ezra wasn’t ashamed of that. He’d cut his hair once in an attempt to appear older and more mature, but now he knew the length had nothing to do with his level of maturity. Deliberating honoring the man who had made him who he was, that was something Ezra could live with.
Hera, Sabine, Zeb, Ahsoka, Chopper, and Jacen were waiting for him back at the capital but Ezra had wanted one quick trip to the past, to meditate on what had changed for him through the Force. He’d been there for a few hours and it was time he got back.
“It’s quite a sight, isn’t it?” said a voice from behind him.
Ezra stiffened a little bit. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that voice since the man it belonged to had died, but it had been a very long time.
“I honestly never thought I’d see it this way again,” Ezra admitted, turning to face Kanan.
His master looked like he did when Ezra had met him, though his outlines were tinged blue, and Ezra could feel the pureness of the Force standing in front of him.
“I’m glad you did,” Kanan said. “So, coming home everything you thought it would be?”
“Nope,” said Ezra. “Everyone’s changed so much. I can’t believe Jacen is so old. They all have their own lives now. It’s not like it was.”
“No,” said Kanan. “But even though we had some good times, constantly fighting for our lives and the galaxy is not the upbringing I would have wanted for you.”
“Don’t go getting protective now,” said Ezra, grinning. “At least Jacen is going to know peace.”
“Yes,” said Kanan and the look of pure love on his face was practically blinding.
“Are you coming back with me?” Ezra asked, gesturing to the city.
“I’ll be there,” said Kanan. “You might not always see me, but I’ll be there.”
“Does Hera know that?” Ezra teased.
“Of course,” said Kanan, then actually sat down, leaning against the building. “So you want to tell me what brought you out here?”
“I guess dying makes a person really blunt,” said Ezra, sitting cross legged on the floor, facing his master.
“Well, I’m slightly more insightful than I used to be,” Kanan said easily. “I know something about what you’ve been through, but not everything.”
“Well, five years is a long time,” said Ezra.
“What happened when you left Lothal?” Kanan asked, his tone casual.
Ezra tried to cast his mind back that far. That was before…everything.
***
The blue of hyperspace rushed past the broken windows but Ezra felt reassured the purrgil were keeping him and Thrawn safe in the bridge of Thrawn’s once proud Star Destroyer.
Ezra’s arms ached and he badly needed some bacta on the blaster wound on his shoulder. He felt beyond tired, but he’d chosen his path and he was going to walk it the best he could. He lowered the arm that had thrust Thrawn back into the embrace of the purrgill. Thrawn wasn’t going anywhere.
Those Stormtroopers on the other hand, they weren’t going to give up. So Ezra spared one quick wish for his lightsaber, then took hold of Thrawn’s blaster and worked on welding the doors shut. Then he moved to the controls and put a seal on the door. A lot of systems were completely inoperative from the purrggil attack, but Ezra could still use sensors. There were fifty-three life signs aboard the vessel, including him and Thrawn. Ezra didn’t know if he could take down that many troopers in his present condition. Best not to worry about it until it happened.
Thrawn was watching him with measuring eyes, but Ezra tried to ignore him as much as possible while still watching him carefully. Ezra wasn’t incredibly familiar with the bridges of Destroyers, though considerably more than he had been since joining the Ghost crew. Still, he figured they had to keep some kind of emergency medpac around, so he rooted around trying to find it.
“In the compartment on your left,” Thrawn’s voice said finally.
Ezra narrowed his eyes at him, but supposed Thrawn had gotten sick of watching Ezra search and/or was planning something. The medpac was where Thrawn had indicated and Ezra tried to keep from sighing in relief as he manipulated a bacta patch on his shoulder and felt its warmth on his burnt skin. He could do with someone experienced looking at it, but he felt like he could cope much better.
“Thanks,” he said, almost automatically.
“You are quite welcome,” Thrawn replied. “May I ask your next step?”
“No, you may not,” Ezra said.
“Have you any idea where your friends are taking us?” Thrawn asked next.
“Even if I did, I doubt I would tell you,” muttered Ezra, continuing his reconnaissance mission of the bridge.
It was sadly lacking in anything he thought he could use. The sounds of the troopers trying to open the door continued in the background and he brought up the badly damaged camera to the hallway outside the door to watch their progress.
“Once we arrive,” continued Thrawn casually, “eventually the troopers will open the door. They are under my command, not yours. You are still wounded and alone. It seems you have not thought this through.”
Ezra had thought about it. He’d thought a lot about it when he decided to bring in the purrgil. This was something the Force was guiding him on, not something it was giving him step by step instructions for. Either way, he knew what was doing was right, but that didn’t mean he had any kind of plan for what happened next.
“I accomplished what I needed to,” said Ezra. “That’s enough for me.”
“It’s folly to only think one step ahead,” said Thrawn. “I myself always attempt at least three. Why do you think I succeeded so well against you?”
“A conversation about what I think about you would not be helpful at this point,” said Ezra. “So, just stop talking.”
“Very well,” said Thrawn. “But I do think you could benefit from my help at this juncture.”
Ezra kept himself from rolling his eyes, just barely, and returned to what he was doing.
***
“That must have been fun,” Kanan remarked.
“Yeah, just loads,” said Ezra. “It’s funny actually, remembering it. It was so long ago and things are so different now.”
“Where did you end up?” Kanan asked.
***
Ezra opened his eyes. It had been a full day since they had entered hyperspace. Thrawn was still held tightly by the purrgil and the sounds of Stormtroopers attempting to break through had died down, though they returned occasionally. The sensors indicated thirty six lifeforms. After multiple short, sometimes very tense, exchanges with Thrawn, Ezra had knelt on the floor and surrendered himself to the Force, something he felt Kanan would do. It had helped to pass the time, but now he sensed that their journey was nearing completion.
With a jolt the ship left hyperspace and for a second Ezra spotted the stars again before a giant brown mass rose in his vision and the ship suddenly began to fall. The tentacles that held Thrawn withdrew and Ezra pointed his blaster at Thrawn as he fell to the floor.
“It appears we have arrived,” Thrawn said, painfully picking himself up. Ezra could only imagine how numb the other man had to be after being held so tightly for so long. “I ask again, what is your next step?”
“Surviving,” Ezra said truthfully as the ship lurched and he tried to keep his foothold. “This ship isn’t flying anymore and we’re about to crash so I’d hold on to something.”
Thrawn limped to an alcove in the wall and clung to it. Ezra found the seat with restraints he had picked for this eventuality and buckled himself in. His stomach rolled with the buckling of the ship even as the thrusters he’d preprogrammed tried their best to slow their descent.
With a sickening crack he felt the impact in every bone in his body, and he had to work to keep himself as relaxed as possible. Debris flew through the air and Ezra kept his head down to avoid being hit. There was a cry from across the room and he saw Thrawn falling out one of the windows. As soon as his head stopped rattling, Ezra unbuckled himself and ran to the window. Thrawn was awkwardly lying just below the window, on a ledge. His head was bleeding and he was cradling his legs which looked to be bent unnaturally from Ezra’s viewpoint.
He sighed, because he knew he couldn’t just leave the man there.
First, Ezra tried to see if there were any other life signs on board, but he couldn’t get any of the systems to function. He reached out with his senses but he couldn’t find any life apart from Thrawn. The doors he had sealed shut had been blasted open upon impact and Ezra scrambled over the fallen debris to look out into the hallway. He could see into open space from there; not much of the ship was left attached, and bodies lay smashed and scattered.
Ezra took the medpac he had carefully stored and attached it to his back before grabbing his blaster and making his way out of the window. It was only a short climb down to Thrawn and Ezra would have jumped if he had been feeling better. As it was, he wanted to conserve his energy.
“Well, this looks fun,” he said, once he got down. “Feeling good about your life choices?”
“I would rather not be in this situation,” Thrawn admitted, clenching his teeth.
Ezra checked his head first, but to his limited experience it looked worse than it probably was. He scanned Thrawn’s legs and there was no doubt they were both broken.
“The good news is you’re not dead,” Ezra said. “The better news, you’re not walking anytime soon.”
“I had already assessed that for myself,” Thrawn said dryly.
Ezra sprayed him with some nullicaine and Thrawn visibly relaxed. The legs would have to be set and there was no one else around and no medical equipment to use. He found a small sense of satisfaction in manually setting Thrawn’s legs and hearing Thrawn’s grunts of pain as the scanner showed him what to do. Ezra tried to find something around him he could use as splints, but there weren’t a lot of options so he focused on putting dermaseal on Thrawn’s head wound. Once that was done, he took stock of the amount of bacta he had available. It would have to do for Thrawn’s legs, but Ezra didn’t want to waste it and he wasn’t so sure he wanted Thrawn up and walking sooner anyway.
“Even at my own expense, I admire the effort you are putting into a proper strategy,” Thrawn said, studying him, and Ezra flushed.
“I’m going to see what I can find that will get you back in the ship,” said Ezra. “Try not to go anywhere.”
He took the medpac with him and climbed back onto the bridge. He looked for a moment out of the window at the world they now inhabited. It felt lonely and desolate, nothing but smooth dirt as far as he could see. He could no longer feel the purrgil. They had dropped him and moved on, though he supposed he was grateful they had dropped him into an atmosphere instead of empty space where he would have died immediately.
Ezra still couldn’t sense any other life but Thrawn and he supposed that he had a lot of work ahead of him. He’d have to search the rest of the ship, find supplies and weapons, recon the area, and make sure there were no threats. He also had to find out where he was. He sighed and then smiled; after all, he’d been in worse spots than this. He couldn’t think of many, but he at least had somewhere to start.
***
“So what did you end up doing?” Kanan asked and Ezra narrowed his eyes, suspecting Kanan already knew this story and was just trying to get Ezra to talk about it.
“I did exactly that,” Ezra said. “I got Thrawn back inside and locked him up. There wasn’t anybody else alive. Whoever didn’t die in hyperspace died in the crash. The ship’s systems were dead and there weren’t any other inhabitants nearby. I foraged for some food and rationed it out while I tried to fix something to help us figure out where we were.”
“That must have been hard,” Kanan said unnecessarily.
“Of course,” said Ezra. “Luckily, I’m pretty quick on my feet and I’d learned a lot.”
“I’m still sorry you went through that alone,” said Kanan gently.
“Hey, I had Thrawn,” said Ezra, laughing. “Not that I considered that to be a good thing at first. He was pretty helpful directing me to where stuff was, but I figured everything was a trap until it turned out it wasn’t.”
“Clearly you reached some kind of understanding,” Kanan said.
“Yes, the day I managed to get the navigation system somewhat back online,” said Ezra.
***
”You will never fix it until you let me help you,” Thrawn said from where he was cuffed to the railing.
“I’m good, thanks,” said Ezra.
Thrawn’s legs weren’t completely healed but he could hobble places on his own so he was far more dangerous than he had been. Ezra kept him locked up or where he could keep an eye on him these days. They were two months in to their habitation on this world and Ezra was almost longing for the good old days when Thrawn couldn’t walk and Ezra could leave him on the ship unattended.
“You’ve been working on it for fifteen days,” Thrawn said.
“Look, you’ve already helped,” said Ezra, “and you’ll help more by shutting up.”
Thrawn sighed but did not say anything more and Ezra returned to his work.
It was a few hours later when he heard a satisfying click and thrum of energy.
“Impressive,” said Thrawn as Ezra jumped up from under the console and eagerly waited for the cracked screen to do something, anything.
“I know,” said Ezra.
He frowned though, staring at the screen.
“What is it?” Thrawn asked.
“I can’t tell where we are,” Ezra said. “I don’t know if it’s because the systems were damaged or because this is somewhere uncharted.”
“Given the length of time we spent in hyperspace,” Thrawn said, “I would say we are almost certainly beyond charted space and somewhere in the Unknown Territories. The navigation system only confirms that theory. Your friends certainly know how to remove a threat.”
Ezra shot him a look. Was Thrawn making a joke? It didn’t seem likely.
“So, we don’t know where we are and can’t contact anyone and have no way to try and get home,” Ezra said, surmising their situation.
“That would appear to be the case,” Thrawn agreed. “I’m afraid that only leads us with one alternative.”
“Which is?” Ezra asked.
“To join forces,” Thrawn said calmly. “We are both at a disadvantage and neither of us is as strong alone as we would be together. The only logical solution is to attempt to work together to find our way back to a system we are familiar with.”
“Yeah, I don’t trust you. At all,” said Ezra.
“Understandably,” said Thrawn. “But I do not believe you have much of a choice.”
“Oh, dying alone is looking pretty good,” said Ezra.
“I will not harm you, Ezra Bridger,” said Thrawn. “I would not destroy an ally once claimed as such.”
“Your word doesn’t mean much,” said Ezra.
“Lies and subterfuge do have their place in battle and strategy,” said Thrawn, “and I have used them against you. Yet, I think you will find if you think back to our previous encounters, I spoke the truth to you. There was no reason to do anything else. The truth is a far more effective weapon than most realize. I promise you, I will be your ally until we reach a system where we can safely part ways.”
Ezra made a face and tried to think of a time he could cast up to Thrawn when he’d deliberately lied to him, but couldn’t. Ezra was also desperate. He and Thrawn would have to cover this world on foot unless they could find transportation. In the meantime, they needed food and supplies and maps and it would take Ezra twice as long to find everything himself and he’d have to be looking over his shoulder the whole time.
Maybe it was because he’d spent so much time trusting Maul only to have it go horribly wrong and hurt the people he loved, but Ezra had a hard time even thinking about trusting an enemy. On the other hand, Thrawn wasn’t Maul. Not that Ezra would trust him, but even if Thrawn was only helpful some of the time and trying to kill him the other part, it would still be easier than if Ezra did everything himself. And the first time Thrawn tried anything, Ezra would just kill him and he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about it.
Besides, even though he hadn’t wanted to admit it, Ezra could feel in the Force this was the right thing to do. It had been nudging him closer and closer to Thrawn and Ezra just hadn’t wanted to give in to that. There was too much pain and anger about the death of his people. But Ezra had learned at his peril to ignore the Force when it was this clear and he’d put himself on this path for a reason.
So he put out his hand and undid Thrawn’s bindings.
“Deal,” said Ezra. “Allies until we’re safe, but I will kill you if you try anything.”
Thrawn simply nodded and Ezra turned back to the navigation screen, trying to see if any of the sensors were working. Maybe they could scan the planet and figure out if there would be any help there or if they were going to have to try to find a way off of it.
***
“We modified an escape pod to a city on the far side of the planet,” said Ezra. “Then from there to the next system and the next and the next.”
“Thrawn remained loyal,” Kanan said.
“Surprisingly,” said Ezra. “Annoying as anything, but helpful.”
“You made many stops along the way,” said Kanan. He reached out a ghostly hand and pointed to Ezra’s lightsaber. “Including one for that.”
“Yeah, but you already know that story,” said Ezra.
He and Thrawn had found a temple. Not a Jedi temple, but a place steeped in the Force. Ezra had met Kanan’s spirit there and found a kyber crystal which he had then used to build a new lightsaber. He fingered it now, relishing the feel of it in his hand. It wasn’t exactly the same as the first one he had built, but it also could double as a blaster and felt right when he used it.
It had taken him a long time to realize that when he’d been building one after Malachor it had been too much under the direction of the Sith holocron. He’d rejected the previous design, wanting something sleek and powerful and deadly, only used to destroy, not to defend. He’d never thought much about why he’d built the stunning bolts into his first saber, getting the idea from his energy slingshot, and being as creative as possible. But now he knew he hadn’t liked the idea of killing.
When Ezra had met Kanan again, finding his crystal, it had felt like coming home even though he was still years away from that happening. It had brought to mind what it was like building his first saber and he’d put that into building this one. He had his former saber now, too, presented to him by Sabine when she’d found him, but he preferred his new one.
“I do,” Kanan said. “I was glad I could be there. I remember feeling your presence and was thankful you weren’t lost.”
“Well, it was a good thing you did,” said Ezra. “You saved my life that day and then you told Sabine and Ahsoka how to find me, so, thanks for looking out for me. Master.”
“It was still a long road home,” said Kanan. “You’ve grown a lot.”
“I had to,” said Ezra. “Thrawn always says I learn faster than I should.”
“Should I be jealous?” asked Kanan, grinning.
Ezra laughed.
“Of Thrawn? Come on, Kanan. He may be my friend, but you’re my family, my teacher, my…” Ezra trailed off, still not really able to say the word father without feeling disloyal to his dad, even though it was the truth.
“I’m just teasing,” said Kanan, standing up, but he looked gratified nonetheless. “I think you will adjust well to being back.”
“So I passed the test,” Ezra said, teasing back. “I’m safe to come home?”
“You have much ahead of you, Ezra,” said Kanan, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t wait to see it.”
“I can’t wait to do it with my family,” Ezra said, which was true.
“I’m going ahead,” said Kanan.
“Tell Hera I’ll be there soon,” said Ezra.
Kanan vanished and Ezra turned to look at Lothal’s moons rising.
“By the light of Lothal’s moons,” said a voice from behind him.
“Did you turn into a Fulcrum agent when I wasn’t looking?” he retorted.
“I do not think there is any need for them now,” said Thrawn, instead of rising to the bait.
He was always infuriatingly calm.
“Look,” said Ezra, returning his gaze to the city. “Look.”
“A lovely sight,” Thrawn conceded.
“You once told me I could have let my people die,” said Ezra. “You still think that?”
Thrawn was quiet for a long time.
“I am glad you did not,” he said and Ezra knew that was the most he would get out of him.
It had been that way for years. Thrawn had changed, and so had Ezra, but some things never did.
***
”It’s time for me to go,” said Ezra.
“It appears so,” said Thrawn. “The time of our alliance is at an end.”
“More than three years,” said Ezra with a half-smile. “I didn’t think we’d last a day.”
“You underestimated me,” said Thrawn. “A common failing I have observed in you.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” said Ezra and he was only half-joking.
“I am touched,” replied Thrawn. “But they are waiting for you.”
He gestured to behind Ezra where Sabine and Ahsoka stood, waiting at the ship they had arrived on hours before. It was apparently still a long way back to charted systems, but they had been charting as they went so they would at least be going on a known heading.
Ezra stood still, trying to reconcile the glad feelings of seeing Sabine and Ahsoka and knowing his family and his home were safe and fear that he’d been gone too long. It had been weird after the first few moments with Sabine, looking at her older eyes and her shorter hair, hair that he realized was a tribute to him, armor that had purrgill on the shoulder pad. The stories she had to tell of Hera and the battles they’d fought and young Jacen were all so foreign to Ezra now, and while he ached to experience them himself, he was almost afraid to.
“I wouldn’t have made it without you,” said Ezra finally.
“This is true,” said Thrawn.
“And you could have left before now,” said Ezra. “You knew where we were a long time ago and I still don’t know.”
“This is where I come from,” said Thrawn. “But much has changed and it was not where I wanted to be. I saw no reason to break an alliance useful to me.”
“I really hate you sometimes,” Ezra said, sighing.
“This is also true,” said Thrawn, but he smiled his rather unnerving smile.
Ezra had always found it creepy but he found he could tell now when it was genuine and when it was sardonic.
“Come with me,” Ezra finally offered.
“An unexpected offer.” Thrawn raised an eyebrow at him.
“No, it’s not,” said Ezra. “We’ve talked about this. You know you’re not loyal to the Empire and there is no Empire now. I’m not saying you’d be welcomed back but wouldn’t you rather come with me than try and make the rest of the way on your own?”
“While I regret many of my actions,” said Thrawn, “I have no wish to rot incarcerated for them.”
“I’ll speak for you and you don’t have to stay with me,” said Ezra. “Just…finish the journey with me.”
Thrawn mused on that for a moment.
“We are stronger together,” he acknowledged. “But this part of the journey will not be like the first.”
“Half-starved and chased and never knowing what was going on?” Ezra suggested.
“It will not be about survival,” said Thrawn.
“Because we already survived,” said Ezra and stuck out his hand. “Now we get to live. Deal?”
Thrawn shook his hand.
***
“What are your plans?” Ezra asked.
“I find I have none,” said Thrawn, joining Ezra at the railing.
“You can still stay if you want,” Ezra offered.
“I do not want that,” said Thrawn. “Nor would your family. I need to find my place in this new order.”
“I think I know mine,” said Ezra, spreading his senses out to the wind.
Lothal was prospering but there was still a lot of rebuilding to do. Not just here. And there were children everyone, lost children, abandoned children, kids like him who needed to know someone cared and someone thought about their future. Even kids like Jacen who had a loving family, needed someone to teach him. Hera had asked him practically the moment she saw him, showing Ezra Kanan’s recovered lightsaber she’d kept for Jacen, and Ezra had never felt as honored, especially when he knew he would have Kanan’s blessing and Ahsoka’s guidance.
“There was never any doubt of that,” said Thrawn. “I wish you good fortune, Ezra Bridger.”
“Until we meet again,” said Ezra. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I met you, it’s that you always turn up again.”
“I am always three steps ahead of you,” said Thrawn, bringing up his old argument, and left.
Ezra shook his head fondly and made to leave himself. Before he did though he stopped and took one last look at the mural Sabine had done on the wall of his tower, different than the one she’d painted in the ruins of the dome in Lothal. He was no art critic but even he could see the maturity and depth of her strokes and how she had managed to capture the single most important thing in his life, his family and his home. He wasn’t going to waste any more time. After getting his speeder, he whipped through the fields of Lothal, skidding to a stop outside the port the Ghost was housed in.
“Welcome home,” he heard Kanan whisper from somewhere ahead of him.
Ezra stepped up the open ramp into the Ghost, following the raucous voices of his family.
“Ezra Bridger, it’s about time,” said Hera.
Ezra smiled. Everything changed, everything stayed the same. He might not know exactly how this side of the galaxy worked anymore, but it was familiar enough that he could figure it out and he was looking forward to every minute.