So much, so much...
There is so much that weighs on my mind right now that I do not even know where to begin.
I'm quitting school. My parents don't know yet. That'll be a fun conversation.
There's something else, too...I can't write about it. I apologize if it seems like I'm taunting, like I have a secret and know that you want to know what it is, I won't tell you. I'm not doing this to antagonize anyone...I'm sorry if that's the effect. I feel like if I allude to the event in question then just mentioning it on here will make the part stand for the whole, and the whole weight of it will be lifted off my chest. Or at least a little weight.
I keep opening my mouth to speak, to at least make you aware of the gravity of the thing I'm talking about, but I can't even begin.
Eros and Thanatos.
When you boil everything down, it all comes down to love (life) and death. Some things you just have to boil down less.
I'm rambling cryptically now. That's probably annoying. Sorry.
If you say prayers, would you say one for me, please? I don't care what deity you direct your prayers to--anyone will do at this point.
Seriously...life's really rough right now, and that is the biggest understatement in history. The only reason I'm writing this in fucking livejournal (fucking livejournal) is because it's 4 AM and the normal people of the world are asleep.
I should sleep, too. Or at least lie in bed and pretend to sleep.
You know what's weird? I hold it together pretty well in the day-time. I'm the pillar of confidence that other people lean on for support during times of crisis, even my own crisis. And then 3 AM rolls around and it all goes to shit and I feel like I'm more of a fragile, blubbering, insecure, confused, wreck than anyone else. I really need to start taking my sleeping medication again.
If you're reading this and you have no idea what's going on, don't worry.
Neither do I.
I'm quitting school. My parents don't know yet. That'll be a fun conversation.
There's something else, too...I can't write about it. I apologize if it seems like I'm taunting, like I have a secret and know that you want to know what it is, I won't tell you. I'm not doing this to antagonize anyone...I'm sorry if that's the effect. I feel like if I allude to the event in question then just mentioning it on here will make the part stand for the whole, and the whole weight of it will be lifted off my chest. Or at least a little weight.
I keep opening my mouth to speak, to at least make you aware of the gravity of the thing I'm talking about, but I can't even begin.
Eros and Thanatos.
When you boil everything down, it all comes down to love (life) and death. Some things you just have to boil down less.
I'm rambling cryptically now. That's probably annoying. Sorry.
If you say prayers, would you say one for me, please? I don't care what deity you direct your prayers to--anyone will do at this point.
Seriously...life's really rough right now, and that is the biggest understatement in history. The only reason I'm writing this in fucking livejournal (fucking livejournal) is because it's 4 AM and the normal people of the world are asleep.
I should sleep, too. Or at least lie in bed and pretend to sleep.
You know what's weird? I hold it together pretty well in the day-time. I'm the pillar of confidence that other people lean on for support during times of crisis, even my own crisis. And then 3 AM rolls around and it all goes to shit and I feel like I'm more of a fragile, blubbering, insecure, confused, wreck than anyone else. I really need to start taking my sleeping medication again.
If you're reading this and you have no idea what's going on, don't worry.
Neither do I.