(no subject)
i hate to add to the other saddened journal entries, but i'm not as chipper as i once was.
somewhere along the line i lost myself. it's the scariest feeling in the world. im here, but something else isn't. i feel confused and obsessed and so anxious that it's making me sick. i never know what to do with myself and it's scaring me. i think i should stay away from certain things. it makes sense, but i end up staying as close as i can. why can't i let this go? why can't i move on? why am i allowing myself to get hurt?
so.
i'm just here.
conscious of myself falling into some hole. it wouldn't be so bad if i wasn't aware of it happening. but i see it.
i feel slightly different than when i left. more in the moment but still not empowered.
i miss feeling in charge of my life. wow. that just sunk in.
i want to change.
somewhere along the line i lost myself. it's the scariest feeling in the world. im here, but something else isn't. i feel confused and obsessed and so anxious that it's making me sick. i never know what to do with myself and it's scaring me. i think i should stay away from certain things. it makes sense, but i end up staying as close as i can. why can't i let this go? why can't i move on? why am i allowing myself to get hurt?
so.
i'm just here.
conscious of myself falling into some hole. it wouldn't be so bad if i wasn't aware of it happening. but i see it.
i feel slightly different than when i left. more in the moment but still not empowered.
i miss feeling in charge of my life. wow. that just sunk in.
i want to change.