(no subject)
So i havent updated in awhile. i tried to write stuff but it is all just random thoughts so i will write them as random thoughts:
-This semester started off pretty sucky, but its getting better now.
-I'm so sick right now and i never get sick.
-Went to biolab drunk today.. i hate that class so much. i have 3 classes with molly and we just pass notes back and forth the whole time :)
-in the back of my mind i have been planning to finish college as fast as i can and start working. the faster i can do it the better right? but i was thinking... whats the rush? i mean supposedly these are the best years of our life. once i get out of college i will just be wishing to go back. so im gona try to live more in the present and stop thinking about the future so much... cuz it makes me want to rush everything. Weird... im listening to jack johnson and he just said "slow down everyone you're moving too fast." that mustttt be a sign or something.
-i get such big mood swings all the time and my thoughts are so scattered. i cant even write a normal fucking entry.
-i'm so confused about life. i dont know what i want. with anything. i dont know whats most important: school? having fun? friends? family? love? myself...? its like my priorities are constantly changing. i dont know.
-i also dont understand how i can hookup with someone just to hookup, and not get emotionally involved. thats not normal is it? i mean sometimes i feel like i have sooo much emotion and that im sooo dramatic about my feelings, but then sometimes i just feel numb to everything. which is it? u know maybe i am just pretending not to care. maybe the real problem is i have too much emotion. So i think something in my head and convince myself that it's true. like that i dont care! Is it normal to be able to do that? cuz i can. Maybe thats why i dont know who i am... cuz im able to convince myself of things so easily.
-i'm craving... something. not necessarily a relationship, a connection with someone. but... am i willing to invest in it, or do i just want that feeling again? you know, that feeling. see i dont know what i want. maybe i just want what i cant have? why are people like that? wow jack johnson just said "she's got it all figured out." i wish i had ANYTHING figured out.
-sometimes i feel sooo content with myself and just so happy, sometimes i just dont feel anything, and then sometimes i feel completely confused and worthless. none of those feelings are true though... they are real but not true. so what is true? what should i feel?
Blah. Yeah so now i remember why i havent updated in so long.