Root Canal...yeah...I'm nasty. (a novel)
I had to get a root canal yesterday morning. I was kept awake by a tooth ache Sunday night and went in on Monday morning to get it checked out. Well it turned out that I needed a root canal and it was a tooth that was on top and in back so they wanted to send me to someone else that specialized in teeth that are hard to reach. They said they'd call me and sent me home with some Tylenol 3. I didn't think I could handle it but I tried it anyways. I ate a big meal and took one. Not the best idea. I didn't puke...as long as I stayed perfectly still and didn't talk much. If I did that, I would get motion sickness and start to feel sick. I got through Monday but Tuesday wasn't pretty. Thankfully they scheduled the appointment for 8:00 yesterday morning so I didn't have to go too long with a tooth ache. Normally I don't mind the dentist too much. I figure that's just about the only time that I get to lay still in a chair and not worry about anyone but me. If I'm sleeping at home I always have to keep one ear open for the kids...not at the dentist. It's like nap time...with someone drilling into your face. Okay not the most relaxing thing in the world but you take what you can get.
Yesterday, not relaxing...not so much. I'd go as far as to call it torture. Yes torture. More so psychological than physical but torture none the less. We'll start out with me, who is not and has never been a morning person waking up at 6:30 so I can leave by seven to get to the place they sent me to by 8:00. I get lost, it's my thing...I generally try and leave with enough time to allow this so there you go. Me out the door at seven in the morning. This has not happened in a long time. I'm not a fan. So...I drive to the office. A lot of the drive was on this road that wrapped around a lake. It was dark out still and very foggy. I was sure that it was a beautiful drive when it was light out but with the darkness and fog I just felt like I'd been placed smack dab in the middle of a bad horror flick. I arrive to the office a half hour early! Go me for not getting lost! I go in and tell the woman at the desk (who is way too fucking perky for any time of the day let alone 7:30 in the morning) my name and information. She then tells me that I am 45 minutes early and to have a seat. 45...minutes early? ahm...nice. Well apparently I'm the only one they told to be there at eight. Everyone else thought I was showing up at 8:15. Sweet. So after reading a magazine twice and watching numerous people show up after me and be called back before me, my name is finally called. I'm not bitter, I know they fit me in 'cause I'm nasty and needed help fast.
I go in and she asks me to remove my monroe because it's on that side of my face. I suppose I should've thought about that but I didn't. I asked her for some pliers...she just looked horrified and dropped the subject. Note to self: ask for pliers every time. So he's working on my tooth. Lucky me, I get to be practically upside down with my head in a headlock the whole time. They also put one of those awesome dental dam (teehee) things on so I couldn't breathe at first and I couldn't have gas (boo!) So it was just him at first and that was fine with me. The conversations that dentists have with their assistants always weird me out. Why is it that they always feel the need to talk about their relationship problems, delinquent children, or gossip about co-workers while I'm sitting right there? Well that didn't last for long. In comes the assistant and they begin to chit chat. Then he says, and this is where the psychological torture comes in....
Dentist: "I have a question for you, I'm trying to figure out a word in English and I can't. I know your English is good so maybe you can help me"
Assistant: "yeah my English is pretty good what do you want to know?"
D: "if you are in your car and you are driving and it's running but then it breaks down it keeps moving because of....?"
A: "....there's a word for that?"
D: "Well yes, in Italian we call it "in-er-tee-ah"
A: "oh geez I don't know I've never heard of a word like that!"
D: "huh...well I am just trying to figure out what intertia is in English"
at this point...my head is about to cave in because I want to yell IT'S FUCKING INERTIA but I have all this crap in my mouth and I can't. Sooo I point to the dentist and give him a thumbs up and then he goes "oh! Do you know what it is? Are you Italian? *reads my last name* oh that sounds like an Italian name... what is the word?"
me: "inertia" but it doesn't sound like inertia...it sounds like uhn-ewww-xa with all of the crap in my mouth and all of the water and crap that is pooling up on the roof of my mouth since Miss Suction thingie was too busy staring off into space wondering what the fuck inertia is...so they give me a pen and a pad of post it notes so I can write it down for them...because apparently this is something that had to be done RIGHT NOW...no...not the root canal...that can wait. We need to know what the English word for inertia is. So I write "Inertia sounds like in-er-shee-uh"
D: "oh...same thing...huh..."
A: "oh my god! I've never even heard of that word!!! You guys are all like into science and stuff! That was never my thing.."
She then goes into great detail about how much she used to skip high school and how bad she was as a kid. This is not what I want to hear a professional talk about while working on my teeth. Sorry...no thanks.
So I try and spare myself and zone out for a while until someone calls in to tell the dentist that he has a phone call...so he gets up and leaves to answer the phone. Wait what? Don't mind me....I'll just be laying here practically upside down. No worries. Honestly I don't usually like to complain about things like that. Usually when people ask me if I'm doing okay I'll say I'm fine but I was getting really uncomfortable. My jaw was killing me, I was feeling lightheaded and kind of queasy from having to lay with my head lower than the rest of my body for too long. The whole thing really just made me start to panic almost. They were both gone for a really long time. I kept trying to squirm different ways to make myself more comfortable, I tried to kind of pull my head up a little with my hands so it was more level with the rest of my body, I tried tapping my fingernails in hopes that someone would remember the girl in the corner haha. Finally she came back and was like "oh do you want to sit up a little bit?" Uh...yeah! So she moved the chair so I was sitting up a little more and then finally he came back about ten minutes later. I asked how long it was going to take and they said about fifteen minutes. How do dentists understand what you are saying with all that shit in your mouth anyways? Sooo back upside down I go. My jaw was still killing me. He could tell something was wrong and asked me questions and finally asked the golden question "does your jaw hurt?" YES! So he put one of those rubber block things in between my teeth so I could bite down and not have to hold it open on my own anymore. aaahhh relief! I was fine after that...my jaw wasn't hurting as bad and they were actually doing stuff so I was okay.
Then the talking began again... *cue Prince song*
D: "This is Prince, I know that..."
A: *blink*
D: "I used to think he was gay"
A: *blink blink*
D: "well...I guess I don't know if I was right or not. He was the one that changed his name to that symbol right? Of the male and female symbol?"
A: "oh you must be talking about Michael Jackson, that guy's changing his name all the time"
me: *tries unsuccessfully to choke herself to death with the tiny bib thing*
It took a lot longer than fifteen minutes because they couldn't stop the bleeding (awesome) but they finished up and sent me home. I was so relieved to have it done but I was sore. I'm feeling much better today and I'm so glad it's all over with. I really hope that I don't ever need a root canal again. That was brutal.
The ride home however without the fog and darkness was gorgeous! I'd like to go back there sometime just to take pictures. It's pretty out of the way though so I'm not sure if that's going to happen. We shall see.
Yesterday, not relaxing...not so much. I'd go as far as to call it torture. Yes torture. More so psychological than physical but torture none the less. We'll start out with me, who is not and has never been a morning person waking up at 6:30 so I can leave by seven to get to the place they sent me to by 8:00. I get lost, it's my thing...I generally try and leave with enough time to allow this so there you go. Me out the door at seven in the morning. This has not happened in a long time. I'm not a fan. So...I drive to the office. A lot of the drive was on this road that wrapped around a lake. It was dark out still and very foggy. I was sure that it was a beautiful drive when it was light out but with the darkness and fog I just felt like I'd been placed smack dab in the middle of a bad horror flick. I arrive to the office a half hour early! Go me for not getting lost! I go in and tell the woman at the desk (who is way too fucking perky for any time of the day let alone 7:30 in the morning) my name and information. She then tells me that I am 45 minutes early and to have a seat. 45...minutes early? ahm...nice. Well apparently I'm the only one they told to be there at eight. Everyone else thought I was showing up at 8:15. Sweet. So after reading a magazine twice and watching numerous people show up after me and be called back before me, my name is finally called. I'm not bitter, I know they fit me in 'cause I'm nasty and needed help fast.
I go in and she asks me to remove my monroe because it's on that side of my face. I suppose I should've thought about that but I didn't. I asked her for some pliers...she just looked horrified and dropped the subject. Note to self: ask for pliers every time. So he's working on my tooth. Lucky me, I get to be practically upside down with my head in a headlock the whole time. They also put one of those awesome dental dam (teehee) things on so I couldn't breathe at first and I couldn't have gas (boo!) So it was just him at first and that was fine with me. The conversations that dentists have with their assistants always weird me out. Why is it that they always feel the need to talk about their relationship problems, delinquent children, or gossip about co-workers while I'm sitting right there? Well that didn't last for long. In comes the assistant and they begin to chit chat. Then he says, and this is where the psychological torture comes in....
Dentist: "I have a question for you, I'm trying to figure out a word in English and I can't. I know your English is good so maybe you can help me"
Assistant: "yeah my English is pretty good what do you want to know?"
D: "if you are in your car and you are driving and it's running but then it breaks down it keeps moving because of....?"
A: "....there's a word for that?"
D: "Well yes, in Italian we call it "in-er-tee-ah"
A: "oh geez I don't know I've never heard of a word like that!"
D: "huh...well I am just trying to figure out what intertia is in English"
at this point...my head is about to cave in because I want to yell IT'S FUCKING INERTIA but I have all this crap in my mouth and I can't. Sooo I point to the dentist and give him a thumbs up and then he goes "oh! Do you know what it is? Are you Italian? *reads my last name* oh that sounds like an Italian name... what is the word?"
me: "inertia" but it doesn't sound like inertia...it sounds like uhn-ewww-xa with all of the crap in my mouth and all of the water and crap that is pooling up on the roof of my mouth since Miss Suction thingie was too busy staring off into space wondering what the fuck inertia is...so they give me a pen and a pad of post it notes so I can write it down for them...because apparently this is something that had to be done RIGHT NOW...no...not the root canal...that can wait. We need to know what the English word for inertia is. So I write "Inertia sounds like in-er-shee-uh"
D: "oh...same thing...huh..."
A: "oh my god! I've never even heard of that word!!! You guys are all like into science and stuff! That was never my thing.."
She then goes into great detail about how much she used to skip high school and how bad she was as a kid. This is not what I want to hear a professional talk about while working on my teeth. Sorry...no thanks.
So I try and spare myself and zone out for a while until someone calls in to tell the dentist that he has a phone call...so he gets up and leaves to answer the phone. Wait what? Don't mind me....I'll just be laying here practically upside down. No worries. Honestly I don't usually like to complain about things like that. Usually when people ask me if I'm doing okay I'll say I'm fine but I was getting really uncomfortable. My jaw was killing me, I was feeling lightheaded and kind of queasy from having to lay with my head lower than the rest of my body for too long. The whole thing really just made me start to panic almost. They were both gone for a really long time. I kept trying to squirm different ways to make myself more comfortable, I tried to kind of pull my head up a little with my hands so it was more level with the rest of my body, I tried tapping my fingernails in hopes that someone would remember the girl in the corner haha. Finally she came back and was like "oh do you want to sit up a little bit?" Uh...yeah! So she moved the chair so I was sitting up a little more and then finally he came back about ten minutes later. I asked how long it was going to take and they said about fifteen minutes. How do dentists understand what you are saying with all that shit in your mouth anyways? Sooo back upside down I go. My jaw was still killing me. He could tell something was wrong and asked me questions and finally asked the golden question "does your jaw hurt?" YES! So he put one of those rubber block things in between my teeth so I could bite down and not have to hold it open on my own anymore. aaahhh relief! I was fine after that...my jaw wasn't hurting as bad and they were actually doing stuff so I was okay.
Then the talking began again... *cue Prince song*
D: "This is Prince, I know that..."
A: *blink*
D: "I used to think he was gay"
A: *blink blink*
D: "well...I guess I don't know if I was right or not. He was the one that changed his name to that symbol right? Of the male and female symbol?"
A: "oh you must be talking about Michael Jackson, that guy's changing his name all the time"
me: *tries unsuccessfully to choke herself to death with the tiny bib thing*
It took a lot longer than fifteen minutes because they couldn't stop the bleeding (awesome) but they finished up and sent me home. I was so relieved to have it done but I was sore. I'm feeling much better today and I'm so glad it's all over with. I really hope that I don't ever need a root canal again. That was brutal.
The ride home however without the fog and darkness was gorgeous! I'd like to go back there sometime just to take pictures. It's pretty out of the way though so I'm not sure if that's going to happen. We shall see.