a long, long time ago..
At one time, I felt like I should care what others thought of me. That my reputation was something that I strive to keep for the best. I've realized that you have to compromise who you are to get anywhere in the world. I always thought that you could do anything you wanted to do and you'd still be who you were the day before.
Over the past few weeks, I've finally had a few dates. (thank god..) But also, I've come to get pretty close to a few of my friends. Now, I still love them all to death. But, I guess somewhere deep inside it still hurts when they do things, sort of unknowingly. I know that neither one of them really knew how much I really liked them. I had sort of started talking with them both last night here at Caribou... but, my constant lesbian companions had to leave, right then, and thus...... While I was gone, of course, the two of them started talking and knowing most gay boys, are probably dating by now, but, yeah... who knows?
I'm moving out of my house. The roommates told me that they're leaving on New Year's Eve.... which I know has already past. I'm living there alone right now, as I wait for the house to hopefully sell. On the bright side to that note, my parents are building a new house, and I got hired to be the decorator. (lil happy dance)
My car is still a POS. I'm waiting on the insurance payoff check to come in so I can get me a new one. I've been looking at the 2004 BMW 323iC Convertible. It's only $37,500.. not too bad, I don't think.
I think that I'm going to give up on dating for a while. Everytime I seem to find someone I like, or someone who's looking for the same things that I am.... they either already are dating someone, talking to someone, or just flat out tell me that I do not interest them. It really hurts me and I just feel so left out in the cold every night. I go home to my house and it's empty, no noises, no furniture, just me, my laptop and a kitchen table. It's not what I wanted and less than I deserve.
I know that much. I just can't seem to find anyone worth 44 cents anymore in this god-forsaken city. I thought, that maybe, out of 3.5 million citizens, there'd be someone good, special, and meant for me. I guess I'm going to have to branch out and leave this place to find anyone.
It's going to be hard to leave everyone, but I think that once I get back on my feet from the house and my other debts, that I'm just going to leave this place like a bat outta hell.
It's not worth my sanity, stress level, or anything else for that matter to have to deal with all this rejection that I'm feeling from this city.
I love my friends here to death, they're a god-send. I honestly think they're the only reason I'm still here. Gosh, I know if they charged psychologist rates.... jess would be broke!! lol
But, who knows, only time will tell......
Over the past few weeks, I've finally had a few dates. (thank god..) But also, I've come to get pretty close to a few of my friends. Now, I still love them all to death. But, I guess somewhere deep inside it still hurts when they do things, sort of unknowingly. I know that neither one of them really knew how much I really liked them. I had sort of started talking with them both last night here at Caribou... but, my constant lesbian companions had to leave, right then, and thus...... While I was gone, of course, the two of them started talking and knowing most gay boys, are probably dating by now, but, yeah... who knows?
I'm moving out of my house. The roommates told me that they're leaving on New Year's Eve.... which I know has already past. I'm living there alone right now, as I wait for the house to hopefully sell. On the bright side to that note, my parents are building a new house, and I got hired to be the decorator. (lil happy dance)
My car is still a POS. I'm waiting on the insurance payoff check to come in so I can get me a new one. I've been looking at the 2004 BMW 323iC Convertible. It's only $37,500.. not too bad, I don't think.
I think that I'm going to give up on dating for a while. Everytime I seem to find someone I like, or someone who's looking for the same things that I am.... they either already are dating someone, talking to someone, or just flat out tell me that I do not interest them. It really hurts me and I just feel so left out in the cold every night. I go home to my house and it's empty, no noises, no furniture, just me, my laptop and a kitchen table. It's not what I wanted and less than I deserve.
I know that much. I just can't seem to find anyone worth 44 cents anymore in this god-forsaken city. I thought, that maybe, out of 3.5 million citizens, there'd be someone good, special, and meant for me. I guess I'm going to have to branch out and leave this place to find anyone.
It's going to be hard to leave everyone, but I think that once I get back on my feet from the house and my other debts, that I'm just going to leave this place like a bat outta hell.
It's not worth my sanity, stress level, or anything else for that matter to have to deal with all this rejection that I'm feeling from this city.
I love my friends here to death, they're a god-send. I honestly think they're the only reason I'm still here. Gosh, I know if they charged psychologist rates.... jess would be broke!! lol
But, who knows, only time will tell......