Housewife Zen, part 4
So, I haven't been cleaning my kitchen as thoroughly as I had been, nor have I been doing a daily 30 minute clean-up. I think it's safe to say that my attention has been elsewhere. However, I have managed to do at least a little bit every day, if not the complete top to bottom cleaning. Today, I'm recovering from a late night of vomit and while I am perfectly okay with taking it easy today because I'm still feeling a little woggy, I know myself and that it's very easy for this to turn into a bad case of the I don' wanna's. I've been busy, tired, and sick this week and there are a couple of ways I could choose to handle this. Several, in fact.
I could decide that I'm a terrible housewife because I haven't been doing my housewifely duties and because my apartment isn't perfectly perfect and shiny. I've done this before and it's crap, so no.
I could decide that I'm totally justified in not cleaning for whatever reason and wear it like a purple heart, thus excusing myself from any further responsibility. I've done this before as well and it's still crap.
Or I could decide that I put my attention where it needed to be, or at least tried to (which I did try to) and then turn to this moment and try to determine what this moment needs. Today needed minestrone and NCIS instead of research. I feel this is quite reasonable. Tomorrow will need something else, I don't know what yet.
As I was vomiting and sweating and shivering last night, generally feeling like crap, I became aware that my thoughts had started to shift in some pretty wild directions. What if I'm allergic to grape juice? What about these commitments for this weekend? What about thus and such and the thing and I will be a terrible friend and priestess if I can't come through! All of this was fantasy, stuff that hasn't happened, won't happen, and/or was based on no actual information at all. Not to mention that when I am being sick in my bathroom at midnight on a Tuesday, there's really nothing I can do about any of this. So, I took a breath and decided that all of that was dumb made up stuff and that it was more useful to sit on the edge of the tub and pay attention to what I was doing.
The weird thing is, even when I was having stomach cramps and was feeling that kind of cold that has nothing to do with the ambient temperature, it wasn't as bad because my mind was still. No lie.
I could decide that I'm a terrible housewife because I haven't been doing my housewifely duties and because my apartment isn't perfectly perfect and shiny. I've done this before and it's crap, so no.
I could decide that I'm totally justified in not cleaning for whatever reason and wear it like a purple heart, thus excusing myself from any further responsibility. I've done this before as well and it's still crap.
Or I could decide that I put my attention where it needed to be, or at least tried to (which I did try to) and then turn to this moment and try to determine what this moment needs. Today needed minestrone and NCIS instead of research. I feel this is quite reasonable. Tomorrow will need something else, I don't know what yet.
As I was vomiting and sweating and shivering last night, generally feeling like crap, I became aware that my thoughts had started to shift in some pretty wild directions. What if I'm allergic to grape juice? What about these commitments for this weekend? What about thus and such and the thing and I will be a terrible friend and priestess if I can't come through! All of this was fantasy, stuff that hasn't happened, won't happen, and/or was based on no actual information at all. Not to mention that when I am being sick in my bathroom at midnight on a Tuesday, there's really nothing I can do about any of this. So, I took a breath and decided that all of that was dumb made up stuff and that it was more useful to sit on the edge of the tub and pay attention to what I was doing.
The weird thing is, even when I was having stomach cramps and was feeling that kind of cold that has nothing to do with the ambient temperature, it wasn't as bad because my mind was still. No lie.