(no subject)
My jobs trip me out.
Though I'm on break at the high school until the 9th, 10th (or somewhere around there) I have such mixed feelings about going back. I am excited to get things crackin' and actually step in and teach these children SOMETHING. Yet,I'm hesitant because I'm not sure where I stand (in regards to my measurement as an adult) in their eyes. I feel SO close in age/culture/generation to them that I feel like I am/fear being looked at as inferior. And while I constantly make this an issue in the back of my head, I also keep telling myself not to worry, and just be me--that's always allowed me to shine. The question of how much me do I need to show, still arises though.
On Tuesday, I wore a tank top, a fitted hoodie, jeans, jean jacket and some graffiti/illustrated/whatever Chucks. Perhaps, it was a tad "juvenile" for that environment, but anyhoo...I was walking in the hall to one of my assigned classrooms for the day . A male student came at me!! He asked how I was doing and blah blah blah.My response: "I'm aiight." Then, I thought about it--I'm the teacher!! I can't talk to those kids like that. Right?
I guess the biggest battle is my image of how a teacher SHOULD be and how I am. (In case the inference was not caught--they don't match up.) During a break, I went in the teacher's lounge and broke away to the vending machine room to make a phone call (to guess who?). I overheard some teachers asking who I was and one (whom I'd met earlier) explained my position. The others were saying they almost asked me if I was lost, because they thought I was a student. Maybe I just shouldn't/can't wear jeans there?
Today at the restaurant/store, a co-worker of mine, L, tells me he needs my help solving a problem he's having at home. I was happy to help--until he told me it's with the lack of sex his girlfriend is giving him. What thee fluck? I told him he was nuts, laughed it off and started walking away. Then he tells another co-worker of ours, R (also male), that I've agreed to HELP! I'm completely denying anything L is saying and R is grinning (very pervertedly, I might add). Then R gets the balls to say, "Well, when you're done playing with L, stop by my place too." WHAT THEE FLUCK?! I can't even really remember my reaction. I didn't laugh, but I didn't correct that scenario like I feel I should have. How dare them think that's okay--even to joke about! Back in the days that the memoir entry was referring to, this would have been the hot stuff to discuss and tell the girlies, but now I really realize how much that whole slice of dialogue reduced me to some little whore. I've lost MUCH respect for them, simultaneously seeing the lack thereof they have for me as a woman, and an individual. SUCKAS.....that is not cute!
It's hard to believe Christmas is in two days. I am so unprepared.
Though I'm on break at the high school until the 9th, 10th (or somewhere around there) I have such mixed feelings about going back. I am excited to get things crackin' and actually step in and teach these children SOMETHING. Yet,I'm hesitant because I'm not sure where I stand (in regards to my measurement as an adult) in their eyes. I feel SO close in age/culture/generation to them that I feel like I am/fear being looked at as inferior. And while I constantly make this an issue in the back of my head, I also keep telling myself not to worry, and just be me--that's always allowed me to shine. The question of how much me do I need to show, still arises though.
On Tuesday, I wore a tank top, a fitted hoodie, jeans, jean jacket and some graffiti/illustrated/whatever Chucks. Perhaps, it was a tad "juvenile" for that environment, but anyhoo...I was walking in the hall to one of my assigned classrooms for the day . A male student came at me!! He asked how I was doing and blah blah blah.My response: "I'm aiight." Then, I thought about it--I'm the teacher!! I can't talk to those kids like that. Right?
I guess the biggest battle is my image of how a teacher SHOULD be and how I am. (In case the inference was not caught--they don't match up.) During a break, I went in the teacher's lounge and broke away to the vending machine room to make a phone call (to guess who?). I overheard some teachers asking who I was and one (whom I'd met earlier) explained my position. The others were saying they almost asked me if I was lost, because they thought I was a student. Maybe I just shouldn't/can't wear jeans there?
Today at the restaurant/store, a co-worker of mine, L, tells me he needs my help solving a problem he's having at home. I was happy to help--until he told me it's with the lack of sex his girlfriend is giving him. What thee fluck? I told him he was nuts, laughed it off and started walking away. Then he tells another co-worker of ours, R (also male), that I've agreed to HELP! I'm completely denying anything L is saying and R is grinning (very pervertedly, I might add). Then R gets the balls to say, "Well, when you're done playing with L, stop by my place too." WHAT THEE FLUCK?! I can't even really remember my reaction. I didn't laugh, but I didn't correct that scenario like I feel I should have. How dare them think that's okay--even to joke about! Back in the days that the memoir entry was referring to, this would have been the hot stuff to discuss and tell the girlies, but now I really realize how much that whole slice of dialogue reduced me to some little whore. I've lost MUCH respect for them, simultaneously seeing the lack thereof they have for me as a woman, and an individual. SUCKAS.....that is not cute!
It's hard to believe Christmas is in two days. I am so unprepared.