Viewing today
I just got back from my grandpa's viewing. It's really sad how a person can be there one minute and then gone the next. Today was my grandpa's viewing. It was hard to see because that person in the casket looks nuttin like him. I say that person because i know it isn't him. I was afraid, to tell you the truth. Afraid to touch him. The immediate family had to be there early. I got there at three but it didn't start until 7. It took me about a half an hour to go up and see him. I still wasn't ready but my mom made me go up there. I couldn't stand to look at him because he looked so different. When I finally took my first look at him I started to cry. My niece had been up there before me and the first thing I saw when I looked in the casket was one of her minibooks that she had put in there the title was GOODNIGHT and one her Pollys. As soon as I saw that all these tears came down my face. Just the innocence behind her actions. In a conversation I had with her before she had told me she was putting them in the casket so that grandpa would always have something to play with. She told me that our grandpa and her grandma were in hevean having a big party and my grandpa was eating all the ice cream and candy he wanted. Such an innocent remark made me want to cry but I didn't want to cry in front of her. All I could do was smile and agree. It was nice to see all the people that showed up. When the whole thing started I got really nervous because I had to say something about my grandpa later on. I had this little speech written out and I knew that I had say it no one else could. Once I got up there my hands started to shake really bad so I just stuffed them in my pockets. I tried really hard not to cry because I wanted to finish my whole speech. I was doing okay until I cam to the last line in my speech. "I love my grandpa with all my heart and I hope he knows how much he means to me" I grabbed my paper and stepped away from the podium as soon as I could. The rest of night was really hard to watch. It was rally hard to see the way my Nina reacted when it came time to close the casket. She kept saying she didn't want to leave because it was the last time she'll ever get to see her dady. She kept yelling "Daddy! I love you! Daddy It's me Rosa. Daddy can you hear me!" It was so sad. I fellt the tears again and I tried to hold them back but I just couldn't and no one was around me and I had no one to hold onto. But I understand because everyone was comforting my aunts and everyone else was occupied. well I have to stop writing now before this entry is really long already and now I have to go study. Another thing that sux for me. I have to deal with all this and study for finals. NOw I can concentrate. sike! Yay for me. well I really have to go now and study and find my clothes for the funeral tomaorrow. If you dont see me at school tomorrow it's because I'm at my grndpa's funeral.