I feel so numb-
I try and I try over and over, but all I seem to do is fall back down. Ive tried to change and Ive tried to be a better person, but no matter how hard I try, it just isnt happening. Im jealous, stubborn, hard-headed, overly-emotional, bitchy, moody, self-concious, and have low self-esteem. On the other hand, Im loving, caring, outgoing, and I have a good personality.
I've realized that Im not perfect, and Im not always right, and I dont know everything.
Im selfish.....so let it be. Its something that I cant help.
Here lately all I ever do is cry. Im so overly emotional and I seriously have no clue to why this is. I have the best guy in the world for my boyfriend and I cant imagine my life without him or being with someone else. But yet, I always find a reason to pick a fight or a reason to complain and bitch about something. I mean, a damn fly could land on my leg and i would cuss it out, but then like 2 minutes later I would cry and say it got me dirty. Im havin majorly bad mood swings. Adam seems to think that maybe Im bi-polar. At first when he mentioned this I got pissed off at him and done my usual crying, but more and more I think about it, Im thinking that maybe he's right. Im surprised hes put up with me as long as he has. Im always in need of attention. I like to be told that he cares about me and that he loves me, I mean what girl doesnt want to hear that from her boyfriend, but I expect way too much from him. Im slowly learning that not everything goes my way. I have to think about him too and not only myself. I need to think about his feelings too. Hes the most important person to me right now. Im just really jealous when it comes to him being with his friends without me. Im not saying that I dont trust him, its nothing like that at all, I guess that maybe its just a fear of losing him. I know that he loves me and I love him too, but I just need to look at things in a more positive way instead of always being so negative.
I dont get to spend time with my friends anymore. Im always working or always asleep. I hardly even get to see Adam either. I just feel like my friends have their own little thing to do and certain people that they like to include and be with. Im not saying that its completely their fault, I know its mine too, but hey, I cant work miracles on my own.
I was gonna make a big update but as you can clearly see, I have entirely too much going on in my head right now.
I love you Adam more than life itself. Its you and me forever.