Riding the Highs, Digging the Lows
Title: Riding the Highs, Digging the Lows
Rating: T
Pairing(s): One sided Castle/Beckett
Summary: No, cause I think positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time. ~ Cobb, Inception
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, I don't own Inception, I don't own I'm Feeling You (inspired the title). Heck I don't own much so there's a whole lot of nothing to sue me for
He’d been called a masochist before, but Richard Castle didn’t really see it that way. The tabloids said he was overcompensating for not having a father, maybe. But he loved women, and they loved him back. Yes there had been heart break and one or two messy divorces. But how was he supposed to figure out what it was he wanted and needed without trying some of everything. And if that came with a little bit of pain, well he was prepared for that. Because with the pain came some of life’s greatest pleasures.
One therapist that Black Pawn had suggested he see (and not the type of suggestion for him to decide but more ‘go or we’ll drop you.’) had asked him to reflect on the women in his life.
First there was his mother. It was anything but the ideal mother/son relationship. He never doubted that she loved him but neither knew the right way to express it. But when the cards were down and it was crunch time she knew what to say, if not exactly how to say it. Oddly enough they became closer when he took on the parental roll and provided her with her needs, if she didn’t scare him off women then no feminine thing could.
Meredith. That had been all repetitive fights and him being forced to be the grown up. She should have scared him off marriage. The only good parts of their relationship were when they were in bed, or on the chair, in the tiny airplane bathroom and anywhere else they felt the need. And Alexis.
Alexis’ entire existence was a paradoxical. She was more of a parent to the adults in her life then they were to her. She made him feel the bitter sweetness of fatherhood. That overwhelming pride in being able to say that you helped create that amazing young woman met the crushing knowledge that this amazing person didn’t need you like she use to. And like most other fathers he’d do it again just to feel a fraction of that high, no matter how low the crash took him.
Where Meredith might not have been able to scare him off marriage, Gina came close. She also took away some of his enjoyment of work relationships. She was not his muse but his slave driver, though there’s no hiding the fact that it worked for a while. His second ex-wife was an exception to the rule, not the rule.
Of all the others only one other mattered. Kate.
Katherine Beckett was, in short, amazing. He pulled her pig tails and she scolded him. She buckled down and he goofed around. She was his muse but unlike other characters he would much rather be with the real person then the character they inspired. That’s why Sorenson hurt, Demming hurt, Doctor Josh hurts.
But he’ll always come back despite the hurt. Like any addict could tell you the high was worth the low if you could just be guaranteed another taste.
And Kate, well Kate was a wicked high.