...back to school, back to school, to prove to Daddy that I'm not a fool.
I start class on Monday. I'm half extreamly happy to be doing something productive, half scared as hell to have Maddy put in daycare. Tim and I met with Denise, the lady we chose for Maddy's daycare, on Monday. We like her, we like her house- we even like her old, smelly man dog. I feel comfortable with the baby going to daycare with Denise. I have a carpool set up so that I can get a ride to and from Muskegon every day, and there is even room in the car for Maddy's carseat so we can drop her off on the way. My ride will be here at 7:30, which gives me plenty of time to get Tim to work if he has to be there at 6, or 7. Everything has worked out.
Then why do I feel soo depressed?
Tim has been saying that he thinks that I've had post pardium depression since I had Maddy, but with all the medical crap I went though, I just figured I had the blues because I didn't feel good. But it's got worse this week. I really don't even like myself right now, and I don't even know why.
It's everything I can do to get out of bed every day and take care of Maddy. I do house work, and I'm exhausted. I just want to eat and sleep. I get frustrated with Tim for stuff that doesn't normally bother me. I don't enjoy anything. I even have been irritable with Memphis. I just put on this happy face for everyone, but I don't even want to see anyone.
I think a lot of it may be that Maddy's test results still are not in, and I hate myself, and will continue to hate myself until I get them and they are negative.
I'm just hoping getting out of the house, and not feeling so chained down to the new mom situation will help my attitude. I'm sick of highs and lows. I need to do something, hopefully this is it.
Then why do I feel soo depressed?
Tim has been saying that he thinks that I've had post pardium depression since I had Maddy, but with all the medical crap I went though, I just figured I had the blues because I didn't feel good. But it's got worse this week. I really don't even like myself right now, and I don't even know why.
It's everything I can do to get out of bed every day and take care of Maddy. I do house work, and I'm exhausted. I just want to eat and sleep. I get frustrated with Tim for stuff that doesn't normally bother me. I don't enjoy anything. I even have been irritable with Memphis. I just put on this happy face for everyone, but I don't even want to see anyone.
I think a lot of it may be that Maddy's test results still are not in, and I hate myself, and will continue to hate myself until I get them and they are negative.
I'm just hoping getting out of the house, and not feeling so chained down to the new mom situation will help my attitude. I'm sick of highs and lows. I need to do something, hopefully this is it.