gonna be what? who? when? how?
Been wondering a lot lately about potential . . . the potential in each of us and what it takes to achieve something identifiably close to it, or if it's a circular process, within it. We "reach it" and exist within it and continue to act, create, think in ways resembling the ingredients contained within that circle. What does it take to reach this circle, or plane or whatever potential is? Is potential limited by the culture, country, city, family, parents, body we are born to? I look at the children I work with and see in many of them untapped potential, whether it be artistic, intellectual, physical/athletic, musical, verbal/writing potential and wonder just what these kids would be capable of doing at their current age, as well as in their future, had they been born to parents who nurtured their talents/gifts/interests. Of course, these kinds of thoughts stem from my own personal experience. Not that I am unhappy with who I am at 32. Nor do I want to find excuses for not having done some things that I wish I could (will?) have. But I cannot ignore the fact that my childhood was not one in which I was encouraged to seek out my own happiness, expression, talents. I knew from early on that I loved to write, I loved music, I loved drama/acting. When most kids my age were participating in school plays, after school musical productions and so on, I was taking care of my younger siblings. Granted, this is something most families must do to get by when the household is being maintained by a single parent. So, yeah, fine, I did that. And I had to do it in a way that sacrificed many of the joys teenagers often live for. Socializing, playing, exploring the arts; free expression that plays an integral part to the development of a person. My mother, in her undiagnosed Major Depression, was not able to see the ways in which my sister and I were being suppressed, neglected, and discouraged on so many levels from expressing our inner desires. Once I moved out of my mom's house at 18, I took up a writing position at a local paper (for free) and immediately became involved in the local music scene (drumming and dancing with all the local hippies/New Agers) and even had a role in a local play. While this was all wonderful, there was something inside me still holding back, afraid to feel completely, perhaps for fear that it (the joy and satisfaction that accompany these activities) wouldn't last, that they weren't really mine to have. Or perhaps that I shouldn't be playing so much, should istead focus on responsibilities and getting things done. This "play period" of mine lasted just a few years (managed to squeeze in some worldly travel) until I started college again in 2000 and ever since, I feel as though I've capped off so much of my creativity. Yeah, I do dabble in photography, something I always loved since I was a kid, but my busy schedules have rarely allowed for me to actually learn it. I have yet to understand the fundamentals of it. Is this because I feel I would be slacking if I took the time to learn it? I seem to prefer keeping myself busy with other "important" tasks. I feel strange for even spending time online to write this. My past still runs me, I see. I see that I continue to hold back in a fashion not unlike how I was held back as a child/teen. How much has this affected my achieving that "circle of potential"? I wonder these similar thoughts with applicable elements while working with my clientele, while interacting with my siblings, and while considering the local and global community. How many of us remain stifled by our past/current life events, while others thrive on the nurturance the circumstances of their birth provided?