Why?
My little brother called last night to tell me that he is joining the military after he graduates this year.
*** crack ***
Yes, that's the sound of my heart shattering into a million little pieces.
He's my little brother, he's not supposed to be in the military defending our country. He's supposed to be sitting on the back porch with me talking about his mud boggin' truck and acting dorky. He's the chubby, twelve year old with glasses that used to play Grand Turismo on PS2 with me every Saturday night, rather than me go out on dates or him hang out with his "buds". He's the wise beyond his years teenager who had this IM conversation with me a month before my wedding when I was homesick and stressing out -
Jessi Lynne says:
I was really kind of bummed out that I didn't get to hang out with you this weekend. This weekend was kinda special for me, my last weekend home before I get married. I really wanted to hang out with you one more time before I got married.
Neil says:
im really sorry jess....we r like this ....i dont know how...but ima make it up to u somehow...im jus lookin forward to ya weddin...u been waitin on this for ...1,2,3,...a while...lol...and...the one time i wont ever complain bout dancin is when we get out there and dance to the best song in the world...
**just for reference- the song we are dancing to is "The Good Stuff" by Kenny Chesney**
Jessi Lynne says:
Neil, I think that's the sweetest thing anyone's said to me in long time. You actually made me cry just then, but in a good way. I love you very much, I just want you to know that I couldn't love you more if you were my real little brother.
Neil says:
thank ya so much jess
Neil says:
i mean it
Neil says:
its been what ....how many yrs best friends...cousins...bro and sis..
Neil says:
4
Neil says:
seems like a long time
Jessi Lynne says:
It's been since 1999, so like 5 years now, going on 6 that we have been close.
Neil says:
yea...6 yrs...if u wouldnt have helped me as much as u did....i'd be some fat loser with no self confidence right now
**here is where we were talking about me being homesick**
Neil says:
well jess....u can miss us...but we always here
Jessi Lynne says:
I know, I am just really bad homesick right now. I've been crying ever since I got home.
Jessi Lynne says:
I hate it here.
Neil says:
well....u gone get hitched soon jess....hitched...like on TV
Neil says:
yee haw
Neil says:
u realize how great a day its gone be for u
Jessi Lynne says:
Yeah, but I can't move back home for like 9-10 more months
Neil says:
u can always come and see us tho
Neil says:
if not...we come see u
Jessi Lynne says:
I know, but it's just not the same.
Neil says:
i know my way around Statesboro now
Neil says:
welll...it'll be ok...
Neil says:
but jess....i gotta hit the hay....i got schoolin tommorow. lol
Neil says:
goodnight...and call me sometime tommorow
Jessi Lynne says:
Alrighty My Tree.
Neil says:
hahaha...thats me
Jessi Lynne says:
Damn skippy.
Neil says:
love ya wee woman
Jessi Lynne says:
Love you! Night Night!
Now, he's 18, a grown man and he is free to do whatever he wants. I just wish what he wanted wasn't so dangerous and so far away.
He is going to join the Navy, which is the safest branch he could join, so I am thankful for that. I am still worried sick though. He has no idea how upset I am, I covered it well on the phone last night. I told him I was proud of him and that I just wanted him to happy, which is true. But, he'll be gone for four years. That's four years that he won't be just four miles down the road. A lot can happen in four years, a lot of good things that he will miss.
Anyway, I guess I am just going to have to get used to the idea, as hard as it is. He was supposed to go for his physical in Atlanta today and a big part of me hopes he didn't pass, is that horrible?
I love my Sasquatch.
Then -
Now -
And always....