broken hearted and alone
there are reasons why i kept my distance...
and everyday i remember why i stayed so alone.
how do you believe someone who wont ever tell you the truth? how do you believe them when they tell you they love you? i never wanted any of this for myself.
i always thought i was above this. i was better than this...and i always thought i'd end up happy.
this is the opposite of happy. this is apologizing for tears that he causes. this is apologizing for my heart. this is apologizing just because i love him.
i can't do this anymore. im tired of it. im tired of pretending that im happy. im tired of hiding behind a smile because im afraid of what else i might do.
its sad that i lay awake and wish i was dead. i feel so empty inside that i wish someone would just take away my sorry life. all i ever wanted was someone to love me as much as i loved them.
here i am. alone. pregnant. and nothing. i have nothing i've accomplished nothing. and now i have no chance of ever becoming anything. two years ago i was going to run away to france and never come back...
god i wish i had.
all i want is for all of this to be over. for it all to be a bad dream, and that one day i might wake up. i just want to smile again. i just want to be...
unbroken.
how can you love someone that you don't even really know?
is it sad that i make up things about him so i can tell everyone how great he is to me? i leave out all the times he's let me down, and all the regrets i have. i leave out that i don't even know why i do it anymore. i leave out that i cry myself to sleep, and that i'll never be as important to him as all of his friends.
and now im having his kid. for what? to spend the rest of my life, wasting away as a mother to a kid who's father can't even bother.
i wish i never called him.
and everyday i remember why i stayed so alone.
how do you believe someone who wont ever tell you the truth? how do you believe them when they tell you they love you? i never wanted any of this for myself.
i always thought i was above this. i was better than this...and i always thought i'd end up happy.
this is the opposite of happy. this is apologizing for tears that he causes. this is apologizing for my heart. this is apologizing just because i love him.
i can't do this anymore. im tired of it. im tired of pretending that im happy. im tired of hiding behind a smile because im afraid of what else i might do.
its sad that i lay awake and wish i was dead. i feel so empty inside that i wish someone would just take away my sorry life. all i ever wanted was someone to love me as much as i loved them.
here i am. alone. pregnant. and nothing. i have nothing i've accomplished nothing. and now i have no chance of ever becoming anything. two years ago i was going to run away to france and never come back...
god i wish i had.
all i want is for all of this to be over. for it all to be a bad dream, and that one day i might wake up. i just want to smile again. i just want to be...
unbroken.
how can you love someone that you don't even really know?
is it sad that i make up things about him so i can tell everyone how great he is to me? i leave out all the times he's let me down, and all the regrets i have. i leave out that i don't even know why i do it anymore. i leave out that i cry myself to sleep, and that i'll never be as important to him as all of his friends.
and now im having his kid. for what? to spend the rest of my life, wasting away as a mother to a kid who's father can't even bother.
i wish i never called him.