(no subject)
I'm so tightly wound now that I feel like I'll lose it if anyone even touches me. I took the kids to the History Center for the Little Locavores event and it was cool and kind of fun. Or it would have been if my kids didn't spend the whole time fighting, whining, screaming, and kicking things. I think I spent a fair portion of my time there quietly crying and wishing I had more than one tissue. livsmama and family were there and it was really nice to see them, but I couldn't even talk because I would have just burst into tears. Nobody wants to deal with that. I ran into another friend on the way out and couldn't even conceal my tears anymore. Embarrassing.
I have had no regular breaks from the kids since school let out, which means I haven't been to yoga or on any bike rides. I can't sleep, my sex life has been pretty unsatisfying, and I just don't feel like I'm connecting with *anyone* lately. Friends, husband, family - nobody. Obviously, all of the regular methods of stress relief are failing me right now.
I don't know if the stress is making my shoulder worse or if the pain from my shoulder is just amplifying everything. Either way, it's just awful and I can't deal with it anymore. Drinking at 4 in the afternoon doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now, except all it'll do is make me feel worse later. I guess I'll schedule another massage and see if we can do anything this time. Last time didn't help at all, sadly, though it *was* nice to be with one of my favorite people for that hour.
The one bright spot in the day is that I'm going out with a friend this evening, after Chris gets home. He's off doing a pub crawl on bike, which sounds like a lot of fun. I've asked him to come home before the end of the party, which I don't like to do but I *need* a break. Plus, the trivia at Merlin's Rest starts at 7:30. I don't think it's too much to ask but I still feel guilty for setting a deadline for his outing. I need to get over these feelings of guilt, I know, but it's so deeply ingrained that I'm having a hard time of it.
I guess I feel a little better now, but since I can still hear the kids yelling and fighting outside it'll all come back shortly. Yay.
I have had no regular breaks from the kids since school let out, which means I haven't been to yoga or on any bike rides. I can't sleep, my sex life has been pretty unsatisfying, and I just don't feel like I'm connecting with *anyone* lately. Friends, husband, family - nobody. Obviously, all of the regular methods of stress relief are failing me right now.
I don't know if the stress is making my shoulder worse or if the pain from my shoulder is just amplifying everything. Either way, it's just awful and I can't deal with it anymore. Drinking at 4 in the afternoon doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now, except all it'll do is make me feel worse later. I guess I'll schedule another massage and see if we can do anything this time. Last time didn't help at all, sadly, though it *was* nice to be with one of my favorite people for that hour.
The one bright spot in the day is that I'm going out with a friend this evening, after Chris gets home. He's off doing a pub crawl on bike, which sounds like a lot of fun. I've asked him to come home before the end of the party, which I don't like to do but I *need* a break. Plus, the trivia at Merlin's Rest starts at 7:30. I don't think it's too much to ask but I still feel guilty for setting a deadline for his outing. I need to get over these feelings of guilt, I know, but it's so deeply ingrained that I'm having a hard time of it.
I guess I feel a little better now, but since I can still hear the kids yelling and fighting outside it'll all come back shortly. Yay.