It's another "whaa whaa i'm fat" post.
I went hiking on Saturday with a friend in Blue Hills, which was fun. Turns out this friend and I have both (separately) endevoured to go outside more this summer while we can and do various activities that can only be done in the warm weather, like hiking. So now that we both know of the other's resolution, we at least have built-in activity partners for that!
There. I shared some good news. That being said... here's my rant.
Out of everyone else I saw on any of the trails, even the easy ones, I was by far the fattest. The only exceptions were maybe a pregnant lady and a well-fed black lab. I was wearing a tank top and instantly regretted it, thinking to myself what business do I have making people look at my jiggling arms as if I'm fucking proud of them.
I like activity. I like martial arts and hiking and swimming and stuff. I don't mind being on my feet all day at work sometimes. WHY DOESN'T MY BODY REFLECT THIS??? Why do I have computer-addict-with-one-hand-stuck-permanently-in-a-bag-of-cheetos body?
Yes, I get it. Blah blah blah Genetics. Blah blah Fatty foods and modern diet additives. Blah Unreaslistic hollywood beauty ideal blah blah. So my genetics suck and I have a big fat family feeding me big fat food. What worries me is that no one in my family was ever this fat at my age. They were all young and thin and beautiful until they started having kids, having less money and time to devote to healthy things instead of easy things, and basically early middle age hit them across the tits with a big pillowcase full of blubber.
I'm twenty-five. I'm young, but I won't be young for much longer. I want the young, hot body. I want to look like Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man 2, or Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider, just once. And I never will. Ever. I will always be this fat or fatter. If I attempt to lose weight via diet and exercise, my body will flip out, and I will get skinnier for about a month, and then get even fatter than I was before.
I'm not gullible enough to believe in diets being the answer to my problems anymore. Once you have been a certain size, if you lose weight (especially if you lose it quickly), it's your body's natural instinct to try to get back to that size. So therefore, you will only stay thin if you are willing to spend the rest of your freaking life fighting your stupid body, even after you're at your desired weight. Nobody can do it on their own. They need enough money for a personal trainer (and preferably a nutritionist) and enough spare time every day to devote to those things. Movie stars like Scarlett and Angelina have that. I'm not saying this in a "fuck those skinny movie stars" kind of way. I'm saying they can look that way because it's their job to look that way. It's perfectly acceptible for them to spend hundreds of dollars and hours of time every day just to maintain their perfect figures. It's really not for me or anyone I know.
The way I see, if Oprah can't do it, I don't stand a chance in hell. She has the money, and fuck anyone who says she doesn't have the discipline, because that woman has accomplished running her own show, network, magazine, book club and building a god damn girl's school in Africa. The bitch got discipline. She can probably levitate. But she can't be skinny for more than about six months at a time before she gets fat again. It's not her fault.
I just hate how science and experience up until now has pointed to diets not really working... and absolutely nothing has been proposed in its place. Nothing but that "health and self-love at any size" bullshit. I don't love my body. I want that body, but I can't have it. Now what.
There. I shared some good news. That being said... here's my rant.
Out of everyone else I saw on any of the trails, even the easy ones, I was by far the fattest. The only exceptions were maybe a pregnant lady and a well-fed black lab. I was wearing a tank top and instantly regretted it, thinking to myself what business do I have making people look at my jiggling arms as if I'm fucking proud of them.
I like activity. I like martial arts and hiking and swimming and stuff. I don't mind being on my feet all day at work sometimes. WHY DOESN'T MY BODY REFLECT THIS??? Why do I have computer-addict-with-one-hand-stuck-permanently-in-a-bag-of-cheetos body?
Yes, I get it. Blah blah blah Genetics. Blah blah Fatty foods and modern diet additives. Blah Unreaslistic hollywood beauty ideal blah blah. So my genetics suck and I have a big fat family feeding me big fat food. What worries me is that no one in my family was ever this fat at my age. They were all young and thin and beautiful until they started having kids, having less money and time to devote to healthy things instead of easy things, and basically early middle age hit them across the tits with a big pillowcase full of blubber.
I'm twenty-five. I'm young, but I won't be young for much longer. I want the young, hot body. I want to look like Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man 2, or Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider, just once. And I never will. Ever. I will always be this fat or fatter. If I attempt to lose weight via diet and exercise, my body will flip out, and I will get skinnier for about a month, and then get even fatter than I was before.
I'm not gullible enough to believe in diets being the answer to my problems anymore. Once you have been a certain size, if you lose weight (especially if you lose it quickly), it's your body's natural instinct to try to get back to that size. So therefore, you will only stay thin if you are willing to spend the rest of your freaking life fighting your stupid body, even after you're at your desired weight. Nobody can do it on their own. They need enough money for a personal trainer (and preferably a nutritionist) and enough spare time every day to devote to those things. Movie stars like Scarlett and Angelina have that. I'm not saying this in a "fuck those skinny movie stars" kind of way. I'm saying they can look that way because it's their job to look that way. It's perfectly acceptible for them to spend hundreds of dollars and hours of time every day just to maintain their perfect figures. It's really not for me or anyone I know.
The way I see, if Oprah can't do it, I don't stand a chance in hell. She has the money, and fuck anyone who says she doesn't have the discipline, because that woman has accomplished running her own show, network, magazine, book club and building a god damn girl's school in Africa. The bitch got discipline. She can probably levitate. But she can't be skinny for more than about six months at a time before she gets fat again. It's not her fault.
I just hate how science and experience up until now has pointed to diets not really working... and absolutely nothing has been proposed in its place. Nothing but that "health and self-love at any size" bullshit. I don't love my body. I want that body, but I can't have it. Now what.