WHY YOUR SUPER IRONIC 'MAKE ME A SANDWICH' SEXIST JOKES ARE STILL SEXIST
Recently, I made a comment that was political in nature before the MLT. For no apparent reason, a boy I know decided to reply with “I really don't like opinionated women and feel they should go back to there rightful place (back in the kitchen) and make me a sandwich”.
Okay, I thought to myself. These jokes have always vaguely annoyed me, but I know he doesn’t really believe that. So I gritted my teeth and made a polite comment, which showed I had taken no offense at it but still didn’t entirely approve.
Well, one comment turned into 'Get me a beer’ to which I said ‘If there was any beer in the fridge I’d be drinking it myself’. See the tone I’m adopting there? Still light, still casual, still trying to pretend I’m not becoming increasingly irate. I think it was when his friend joined in and domestic violence jokes were made that I lost the ability to fain amusement. Well, the comments increased, and the argument went on for a while. It had stopped being funny long ago, but it got to the point where I was genuinely fucking furious, incensed, and wanted to obliterate them both. However, three good things came from it.
I’m going to clarify this for anyone who thinks that these jokes are funny, and not insulting, and that women who don’t appreciate them are humorless bitches.
I have a great sense of humour. I may be scathingly dry, but I like controversial topics. I like the taboo. The whole point of these jokes is some kind of ‘I know that you know that I know you’re being sexist’. So I can’t REALLY get mad because you didn’t REALLY mean them. Un-fucking-fortunately, when you make these jokes, you are STILL just spewing out stupid, sexist, outdated, patronising 1950’s gender roles.
These roles are not dead. They’re very real, and they influence people and their behaviour today. Women struggle to break out of these restrictive roles, especially as plenty of coverage today is given to the ‘women are biologically better at house care and child care and men are just biologically better at being the breadwinners’ bullshit faux-science. Look at the differences between maternity and paternity leave. Look at who still does the VAST majority of domestic labour- yeah, even when working full time. Look at the tiny proportion of women in parliament and the Senate. Look how women in positions of power are seen as ‘unfeminine’ and called ‘ball busters’. Look at how those who transgress the gender binary are subject to ridicule, isolation and violence.
These jokes are degrading. I don’t find them funny, I find them insulting. Feminists have been struggling since the 1800’s for the right to vote, to wear what they liked, to divorce their husbands, to outlaw marital rape, for control over their own bodies; the right to work and not be discriminated against, the right to love who they love and be who they are and not be punished by society for it- and you tell me to make you a sandwich?
Look at all that and tell me that sexism is dead and that jokes based around ‘you are of less value to me’ are funny.
Why, in the beginning, was I initially so keen to prove that I found those jokes okay, that they were permissible? Because I didn’t want to be ‘uptight’. Because I wanted to be cool. I wanted to show I got it. I didn’t want to be another one of those humourless, man-hating feminists. Well, if you call me that in response to me calling out your sexism, that really is fine by me. If I’m the angry opinionated one who won’t shut up, then I want that on a sash. I’ll be proud. I'm tired of the 'shut up you’re a woman and only good enough to bring me sandwiches, lol jk” moments. Sorry, I’m really not in the mood to compromise my beliefs so I can be more attractive, acceptable, and desirable to you. It’s either you believe in ending oppression or you don’t - but don’t be condescending to me by telling me I’m looking at everything wrong.
Okay, I thought to myself. These jokes have always vaguely annoyed me, but I know he doesn’t really believe that. So I gritted my teeth and made a polite comment, which showed I had taken no offense at it but still didn’t entirely approve.
Well, one comment turned into 'Get me a beer’ to which I said ‘If there was any beer in the fridge I’d be drinking it myself’. See the tone I’m adopting there? Still light, still casual, still trying to pretend I’m not becoming increasingly irate. I think it was when his friend joined in and domestic violence jokes were made that I lost the ability to fain amusement. Well, the comments increased, and the argument went on for a while. It had stopped being funny long ago, but it got to the point where I was genuinely fucking furious, incensed, and wanted to obliterate them both. However, three good things came from it.
- Firstly, I learnt not to feed the trolls.
- Secondly, I learnt that when someone is being a prize jerk you don’t have to be polite to them.
- And thirdly, I learnt my own real feelings about these stupid ‘get back in the kitchen’ jokes.
I’m going to clarify this for anyone who thinks that these jokes are funny, and not insulting, and that women who don’t appreciate them are humorless bitches.
I have a great sense of humour. I may be scathingly dry, but I like controversial topics. I like the taboo. The whole point of these jokes is some kind of ‘I know that you know that I know you’re being sexist’. So I can’t REALLY get mad because you didn’t REALLY mean them. Un-fucking-fortunately, when you make these jokes, you are STILL just spewing out stupid, sexist, outdated, patronising 1950’s gender roles.
These roles are not dead. They’re very real, and they influence people and their behaviour today. Women struggle to break out of these restrictive roles, especially as plenty of coverage today is given to the ‘women are biologically better at house care and child care and men are just biologically better at being the breadwinners’ bullshit faux-science. Look at the differences between maternity and paternity leave. Look at who still does the VAST majority of domestic labour- yeah, even when working full time. Look at the tiny proportion of women in parliament and the Senate. Look how women in positions of power are seen as ‘unfeminine’ and called ‘ball busters’. Look at how those who transgress the gender binary are subject to ridicule, isolation and violence.
These jokes are degrading. I don’t find them funny, I find them insulting. Feminists have been struggling since the 1800’s for the right to vote, to wear what they liked, to divorce their husbands, to outlaw marital rape, for control over their own bodies; the right to work and not be discriminated against, the right to love who they love and be who they are and not be punished by society for it- and you tell me to make you a sandwich?
Look at all that and tell me that sexism is dead and that jokes based around ‘you are of less value to me’ are funny.
Why, in the beginning, was I initially so keen to prove that I found those jokes okay, that they were permissible? Because I didn’t want to be ‘uptight’. Because I wanted to be cool. I wanted to show I got it. I didn’t want to be another one of those humourless, man-hating feminists. Well, if you call me that in response to me calling out your sexism, that really is fine by me. If I’m the angry opinionated one who won’t shut up, then I want that on a sash. I’ll be proud. I'm tired of the 'shut up you’re a woman and only good enough to bring me sandwiches, lol jk” moments. Sorry, I’m really not in the mood to compromise my beliefs so I can be more attractive, acceptable, and desirable to you. It’s either you believe in ending oppression or you don’t - but don’t be condescending to me by telling me I’m looking at everything wrong.