sleep and me = no
bleck...i cant sleep. Well tomorrow i get my yearbook. my senior yearbook, im excited i wanna see everyones pictures, see every picture of the year and how everyone looks and feels. i know how i feel, i dont want this week to end. i dont want it. i dont want it. i dont want it. i dont want it. i dont want it. this is my last week as a senior in high school...this is my last week as a high school student. i wanna cry... scream...do anything. But its pointless because no matter what i do im powerless to stop it. I has to happen, i have to move on, i have to grow up, i have to say goodbye....and more importantly i just plain have to deal with it. I am dealing with it....im doing it the best i can anyway. I dont know why im so scared. i dont know why i care so much. Im afraid of letting go of people, theres not that many people in the world i trust anymore and the thought of losing them just tears me up inside. I wish i wouldve never of gotten myself into this possition... i dont belong here. I dont know any other senior that feels the way i do about graduation. Maybe its because im not normal? maybe its because im afraid of change ? Maybe its because i love my teachers too much to let them all go ? Maybe its because i dont want my friends to change? Maybe its because im afraid of what i myself will be like after highschool ? But when it all comes down to it....i love my school. i love it just as much as i did when i was a freshmen, and i will continue to love it until the day i walk across that stage and do the hardest thing ive ever done....leave everyone i love behind. Its not behind...because its not goodbye. oh my good god i suck.
On another note... Home SUCKS. let me rephrase that....home really sucks. Moms a pain dads a pain both of them fight constantly and to be perfectly honest i really cant take it anymore. Maybe thats it....maybe i like school so much just because im not home. and i mean dont pertraty this the wrong way, i have a great family and an amazing life. but sometimes it just really gets to you. but it happens to everyone...im normal. I got to see Brian tonight, that was a shocker. But where ever Brian goes of course his shadow must follow. i hate how i dont have a relationship with him anymore, i hate how thier all married and im here and will never get to have a close realtionship like all the boys had...why because i have to be 10 years younger then them all. Bleh.
I dont know what i wanna be when i grow up. Do i wanna be a teacher ? Do i wanna be a doctor ? Do i wanna be a lawyer? Do i wanna be a cashier at the nearest McDonalds? I have no idea.
I need to pass my road test...for i think that will be the only thing that keeps me sane during this summer.