(no subject)
i laid everything i have out on the table. in a sense, i gave myself to you just like you asked me to. you promised me that i had nothing to be worried about, that i was your everything, that i meant everything to you, that you would never hurt me. as hard as i tried to believe you, deep down, i knew i couldnt. what it all came down to was i had to protect myself. i wouldnt let you hurt me like i knew you would. you are an extremely amazing person, and have a huge heart. you do so much for so many other people, and i honestly look up to you for that. at the same time, you have so much to deal with, and i see that you are stressed out. i know i cause a lot of it, and im sorry.
im not doing this anymore. i dont think im that bad of a person, and i dont think i have done anything worse than what you have. excuse me if i make mistakes- as we see you have made them too. the last thing i need is a lecture about what ive done. i dont need that, and neither do you. im give up on fighting with you all the time. i give up on chasing you. you know my phone number, and my work/school schedule. i dont always have to be the first one to say im sorry, even if i didnt do anything. im tired of feeling like this.
so tonight when you dropped me off, the last thing you said, was "im sorry, for whatever its worth, i love you"... but now im thinking about this. what exactly is it worth? and what exactly are you sorry for? we told eachother last night that we were gonna stop arguing all the time, and would try to get along better. you're constantly paranoid about things that i do, you never think im telling you the truth. we've been through a lot within the past few months, and i love you. i cant and wont put up with this anymore.