etc, etc.
The sun is hot, but the wind is intense.
The destruction in the gulf coast is still devastating. After two and a half years, there is still reconstruction to be done.
My life is similiar, I guess.
If you're friends with Eric, you probably read his entry. If not, just know I ended it for good this time, I guess.
Before we broke up in December, I had been unhappy but I was unsure why...and I had brought it up to Eric, and recieved nothing in response besides defense. When I broke up with him, things got better, and continued to...he opened up to me. I felt like communication was open. We were talking and seeing eachother but not officially dating...And for some reason which I could not explain, I was unhappy with the relationship when I was at school, and I felt stuck if I spent more than a day or two at his house. I never gave the opportunity to call it "going out" again, and I wasn't sure why, so I talked with a friend about it, and I realized that if I did decide to go back out again when I wasn't sure if it was right, I'd be settling for something that wasn't right for me. This is not a hateful thing. If it's not all there, it's not fair to put him in that situation.
When I go home at any point, I have time to reflect on things...usually while driving, so I automatically feel more independent. And whenever I went home, I decided that I was better off without him for various reasons. This is not "deciding in an airport." This is "driving down the road, tears in my eyes because I don't want to let this go." But something I've come to realize about myself is that in order to process anything I'm going though and think about it clearly, I need to talk about it. So the problem was less a communication thing, and more of a personal thing; when I talk and don't get feedback, I feel stuck, emotionally and mentally, if that makes sense... I had decided all of this, and decided finally what I needed to do while sitting, waiting for the plane to take off from Atlanta, Georgia.
And the funny part of the story is, when I was on that plane, I met someone. There's more to that story. More than him winning me over with a few words about how I'm special and slipping me his number...because that sounds low, and creepy, and I wouldn't just go for that. I'll talk about it if you want to know more, but adding details here just wouldn't be appropriate.
Either way, I'm interested in the guy...and I don't think it's fair to keep Eric waiting for me to come back to him. That is honestly just not fair to him. He deserves better than that. Yes, I contacted the person I met, and we talked for a bit, but not a lot...and it didn't prevent me from calling Eric, except for one night when it was cold and late, but yeah. I was going to wait until I got home to talk to Eric, because I really wanted to talk to him in person, but I knew I wouldn't get the opportunity...so I called him. I'm not sure what posessed me, other than honesty, but when we visited the gulf of mexico, I called Eric. The view was wonderful. The conversation wasn't.
I explained the things that had been bothering me (as above)...but he said he didn't get how it could happen so fast. So I explained that there's another part to the story--that I met someone. He sounded offended, but wanted to know more to the story, and insisted when I wouldn't tell him, so I gave him some of the details... Eventually, he told me that he had something funny to tell me, that wasn't very funny anymore...and he told me, "I was going to ask you to marry me."
When I'm trying to walk away. He said that. I can't handle this.
The problem is, he knows I care about him. And he knows that it would be intensely difficult for me to hear that, as he's the last person I would hurt... To me, it seems out of line. It actually makes me physically ill to think about it. And now, I read that he is actually violently angry about the situation. I don't know what to do, but I don't feel welcome anymore. One of us has shut the door. Depends on your perspective.
Call me what you will.
I'm done.
The destruction in the gulf coast is still devastating. After two and a half years, there is still reconstruction to be done.
My life is similiar, I guess.
If you're friends with Eric, you probably read his entry. If not, just know I ended it for good this time, I guess.
Before we broke up in December, I had been unhappy but I was unsure why...and I had brought it up to Eric, and recieved nothing in response besides defense. When I broke up with him, things got better, and continued to...he opened up to me. I felt like communication was open. We were talking and seeing eachother but not officially dating...And for some reason which I could not explain, I was unhappy with the relationship when I was at school, and I felt stuck if I spent more than a day or two at his house. I never gave the opportunity to call it "going out" again, and I wasn't sure why, so I talked with a friend about it, and I realized that if I did decide to go back out again when I wasn't sure if it was right, I'd be settling for something that wasn't right for me. This is not a hateful thing. If it's not all there, it's not fair to put him in that situation.
When I go home at any point, I have time to reflect on things...usually while driving, so I automatically feel more independent. And whenever I went home, I decided that I was better off without him for various reasons. This is not "deciding in an airport." This is "driving down the road, tears in my eyes because I don't want to let this go." But something I've come to realize about myself is that in order to process anything I'm going though and think about it clearly, I need to talk about it. So the problem was less a communication thing, and more of a personal thing; when I talk and don't get feedback, I feel stuck, emotionally and mentally, if that makes sense... I had decided all of this, and decided finally what I needed to do while sitting, waiting for the plane to take off from Atlanta, Georgia.
And the funny part of the story is, when I was on that plane, I met someone. There's more to that story. More than him winning me over with a few words about how I'm special and slipping me his number...because that sounds low, and creepy, and I wouldn't just go for that. I'll talk about it if you want to know more, but adding details here just wouldn't be appropriate.
Either way, I'm interested in the guy...and I don't think it's fair to keep Eric waiting for me to come back to him. That is honestly just not fair to him. He deserves better than that. Yes, I contacted the person I met, and we talked for a bit, but not a lot...and it didn't prevent me from calling Eric, except for one night when it was cold and late, but yeah. I was going to wait until I got home to talk to Eric, because I really wanted to talk to him in person, but I knew I wouldn't get the opportunity...so I called him. I'm not sure what posessed me, other than honesty, but when we visited the gulf of mexico, I called Eric. The view was wonderful. The conversation wasn't.
I explained the things that had been bothering me (as above)...but he said he didn't get how it could happen so fast. So I explained that there's another part to the story--that I met someone. He sounded offended, but wanted to know more to the story, and insisted when I wouldn't tell him, so I gave him some of the details... Eventually, he told me that he had something funny to tell me, that wasn't very funny anymore...and he told me, "I was going to ask you to marry me."
When I'm trying to walk away. He said that. I can't handle this.
The problem is, he knows I care about him. And he knows that it would be intensely difficult for me to hear that, as he's the last person I would hurt... To me, it seems out of line. It actually makes me physically ill to think about it. And now, I read that he is actually violently angry about the situation. I don't know what to do, but I don't feel welcome anymore. One of us has shut the door. Depends on your perspective.
Call me what you will.
I'm done.